So you like a girl and she seems to be leading you on in all the right ways. But do you know when to back off and stop pursuing her? Use these 10 signs!
Contrary to modern and popular belief, pursuing a woman hasn’t changed much since the Stone Age. The majority of women – those who are a bit shy and reluctant to make the first move – still want men to pursue them with varying degrees of traditionalism.
Knowing when to back off when you pursue a girl
The problem with dating these days is that there are so many rituals that people have to go through before they can establish that they are in a relationship. You may think that you and that girl are technically an item, but she might not be on the same page.
Just because you made the effort to pursue a girl does not mean that you’ve got the relationship in the bag. Sometimes, a girl can’t make up her mind or is just too nice to tell you pointblank that she has no intention of going out with you anymore.
Why should you stop pursuing a girl?
Before you decide to use these signs as a guide to cut all ties with the girl you like, you have to look from her perspective first.
Why wouldn’t she want to date you if you were an amazing guy? A single article wouldn’t be enough to enumerate those issues, but here are some of the most common reasons why a girl is uninterested in you. [Read: 25 of the biggest dating deal breakers for women]
#1 You’re not her type. Sorry. That’s the truth. Just because you’re rich, nice and have an amazing body – wait, why doesn’t she like you again? All kidding aside, every person has a typical preference for the person they want to be with.
It is usually attributed to the environment that they were brought up in or exposed to. Some prefer a specific race, body type, height or even a certain level of intellect. If she’s hard to please and you don’t pass her standards, pursuing her is a moot point.
#2 You’re a rebound. Not everyone is comfortable with starting a relationship if they’re still attached to remnants of the past. The reason why they aren’t willing to go through with dating you could be because they are still not over The Ex. [Read: 14 subtle signs the girl you like isn’t over her ex yet!]
#3 She’s just playing with you. Sadly, this is true for some women. The insecurities and baggage that they possess can cause collateral damage in the form of impressionable young men who just want to find a woman to settle with. A girl might string you along just for the fun of it or just because they are bored. The worst case scenario would be that they have a boyfriend who’s not too fond of her suitors. [Read: Is a girl with a boyfriend flirting with you?]
#4 She’s too nice to say no. Girls with this type of mindset should probably realize that it’s more damaging to prolong the agony of the rejection instead of just telling a guy to move on. They will allow you to court them, but will make no promises for plausible deniability’s sake. This means that they’re probably not that nice if they can make you work for something that you won’t even get. [Read: 15 signs she’s just leading you on and taking you nowhere]
#5 When she says no. Stop with all the No-Means-Yes nonsense. If a girl is trying to lure you in with reverse psychology by telling you that she’s not interested, respect her verbally expressed answer. This is the reason why so many women feel harassed because their suitors think that they are just playing hard to get. If a woman wants to play mind games with you, call her bluff. She’ll probably end up pursuing you once you stop calling her.
10 signs you should give up on pursuing the girl you like
Some men find it hard to distinguish between a girl who is not interested and a girl who is just playing hard to get. She may or may not like you, but you will never know unless you really open your eyes. Use these signs to know when you should back away and stop pursuing her for good. [Read: 8 subtle cues a girl gives away when she wants you to make a move]
#1 She replies to texts, IM’s and emails with closed answers. Do not mistake this for the popular passive-aggressive “K” that means, “Keep talking because I need to feel that you’re giving me attention.” If they’re not interested, they will do everything they can to stop the conversation in its tracks.
#2 She’s always busy. You should respect a person’s priorities, especially if you are not in a relationship. If a lot is going on in a girl’s life, then she probably isn’t ready to date yet. A woman who really likes you will voluntarily shift some things on her calendar to have brunch or dinner with you.
#3 She only says “Yes” to dates that have the best freebies. So, you have front row tickets to a Coldplay concert? That guarantees you a date in three months or so when the band arrives in town. A picnic at the park, on the other hand, isn’t as impressive to this type of girl. Know the difference between sincerity and freeloading when it comes to pursuing a girl.
#4 She has a lot of hang-ups. Don’t we all? But this girl has so many hang-ups that you can’t even set foot within a three-foot radius of her without offending her. She is probably setting up a torrent of defense mechanisms just to keep you away rather than rejecting you altogether.
#5 She agrees to a date, but cancels at the last minute. You may notice that “something” always “comes up” before your date. Now, it’s understandable if the girl is absolutely unlucky when it comes to scheduling engagements. However, if this has happened more than twice, get a clue. She’s not into you.
#6 She’s always on her phone when you’re together. This is the age of the smartphones. People are ALWAYS on their phones. The same should not be applied when you’re on a date. The reason why she’s so interested in her phone when she’s with you is because she cares about it more. Unless you can post her photos on Instagram and live-Tweet your date for her, you’re pretty useless at that specific moment. [Read: 12 telltale signs she’s just not that into you!]
#7 Your call goes to voicemail during her downtime more than usual. Who uses voicemail these days? The only reason why you’re getting transferred to her answering service when you know she’s not at work or out with friends is because she wants to talk to you as little as possible. How hard is it to call back, anyway?
#8 She Seen-Zones you/She doesn’t read your message for a day or more. Unless the girl you’re seeing is adamantly against technology, there is no reason why she wouldn’t be able to receive your message. She saw your message. She just doesn’t want to reply or start a conversation. [Read: 18 obvious signs you’re already in a girl’s friend zone]
#9 She keeps you interested up to a point. You can’t stop thinking about her because she designed your situation to end up that way. By giving you scraps of affection, she manages to keep you hanging because she’s probably keeping you as a back-up until she finds her “One True Love.”
#10 She sounds uninterested. Indifference is one of the reactions that are easy to decipher. A person who is unenthusiastic is easily recognizable. Her glassy eyes, monotone voice and general appearance of boredom are definite signs that she is not interested. She’s also probably not rejecting you because she thinks it’s too much work.
I know you put in a lot of effort in trying to get the girl you like to like you back, but you have to know when to give up. Some girls are worth the wait, but a lot of them don’t want the guys they’re not interested in to bother. [Read: 18 foolproof ways to make a great girl fall for you]
Don’t sell yourself short because there is at least one girl out there who will appreciate the attention that you give them. You should not settle for someone who doesn’t want the same things you do. That is just a big waste of your time. Wouldn’t it be sad to realize that you didn’t notice the girl who liked you because you were too busy clamoring for the attention of the one who didn’t?
These signs to know when to back off while pursuing a girl will guide you into making the right decision about your pursuit of the perfect girl. If she’s guilty of any of these, then she might not be so perfect after all. Don’t just give your time and effort to someone who doesn’t value it. Give it to someone who deserves it.
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Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...