We’re taught to believe that a crush is someone who comes into our lives and we instantly want to be with them. We can’t think of anyone but them. However, the truth is that crushes can sometimes take us by surprise. They creep up on us when we least expect it. Sometimes it’s not someone new in our lives, sometimes it’s a friend crush.
Now, the thing is, it’s not necessarily romantic. It’s often more of an admiration, something you really like about that person. Sometimes it can be about envy. Yet, it feels very much like the same kind of crush you get on someone you want to be with romantically.
At the time, the feeling can be overwhelming. You might want to spend all your time with this person and subconsciously try to be more like them. If you’re friends already, you’ll probably want to be their bestie.
Don’t panic, you’re not going crazy. It doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly developed a romantic or sexual attraction. You simply have a friend crush and it’s nothing to be too concerned about. [Read: What it means when you have a platonic crush]
A friend crush isn’t something with any romantic or sexual connotation, it’s purely platonic. It’s actually very sweet. You meet someone out of the blue, or it’s someone you’ve known for a while, but you’ve suddenly started spending more time with them.
You see something in them which you really admire. Or you could see something in them which you wish you had. This can be a physical trait, such as their really great hair or effortless style, or it can be a personality trait, like their fantastic sense of humor or an ability to be able to talk to anyone no matter the situation.
A friend crush means nothing adverse, but what it does mean is that you should do a little soul-searching into why you find this person so alluring on a platonic basis. Try and figure out what you think you’re lacking. The fact is you’re lacking nothing, but perhaps you simply think you are.
Confused? Let’s look at an example. [Read: Questions to ask your BFF to help you bond]
I consider myself to be a normal kind of girl. A friendly, happy-go-lucky, nice girl. I don’t have any particular hang ups, although I was shy as a child, but nothing other than that. On this particular day, a friend of mine asked if she could bring her new work colleague to our pre-arranged drinks that evening. I said okay, I had no problems with it. When I met this work colleague of my friend, I was blown away.
For no other reason than I simply wanted to be her, I quickly developed a new friend crush.
Seriously, at my age.
There was something about this girl that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. She seemed able to disarm everyone she came into contact with, be it with a quick-witted remark or a smile. She was a people person. Someone so unbelievably at ease in any social situation. That struck deep with me, probably because of my childhood shyness. I wished for such natural social ease. [Read: 14 signs of social anxiety that hold you back & how to overcome it]
I could have hated her. She was the most people person in the room the moment she walked into it. I could have been jealous, but I wasn’t. Instead, I befriended her because I liked her. She became a regular at our catch up drinks from that point on, until she moved back to Australia a few months later.
My friend crush was blown the moment she left, but I am glad that I met her. She taught me that it doesn’t matter if you’re feeling a little shy or not so confident, you can easily fake it and simply not care what anyone else thinks of you.
As you can see, friend crushes come into our lives to teach us something, even the smallest thing in the world. [Read: Why it’s important for every girl to have a straight girl crush]
If you’re still not sure if it’s a friend crush you’re in the middle of, let’s check out some signs.
It goes without saying that when you have a crush on someone, you want to be around them as much as you can. If you’re finding excuses to spend time with this person, you’re crushing. [Read: 14 fun things to do with your best friend & create lasting memories]
Because you’re basically admiring this person, you’re going to be happy when you realize that you have more in common than you realize. You might find yourself comparing yourself to them at times, but remember not to make yourself appear negative compared to your crush’s positive traits.
You might be able to put your finger on it at first, but there are many things that you admire about your crush. It’s not just one thing, it’s several. Or, it could be a general vibe that you really enjoy.
If you’re due to see your crush, you have butterflies and a sense of not being able to wait for the moment to come. They make you feel a special kind of way and you enjoy the experience. [Read: How to have fun with friends – 30 really fun ways to beat boredom]
Remember that this isn’t a romantic crush and that this person isn’t your partner! However, it’s normal to get a little jealous when they spend time with other friends. It’s a definite sign of a friend crush.
When they text or call out of the blue, it makes your day. That’s simply because of the fact they thought of you and it brings a positive boost into your life.
Be careful of this one, especially if you’re doing it too much. The fact that you enjoy spending time with them may make you want to spend more time, and as a result, you’ll blow off plans with others. Try not to – remember, we all need several friends in our lives! [Read: 32 awesome sleepover ideas for a fun night with friends]
Now, I should point out that I don’t advocate attempting to become someone else. Be happy with who you are and love yourself for the wonderful being that you are.
However, when you develop a friend crush because of a trait that the other person shows, it usually means that you feel you’re lacking something.
You might find that your friend crush fizzles out just as quickly as it began, or it might be an ongoing thing. However long it lasts, see it as an opportunity to learn. [Read: How to learn all of yourself, even the parts you hate]
You’ve no doubt heard the saying that people come into our lives to teach us lessons, or something along those lines. It’s true, for sure. What you need to do is make sure that you identify the lesson and not simply allow yourself to be swept along on a wave of admiration. When that happens, a friend crush could easily turn into a friend annoyance. Too much of a good thing sometimes isn’t good at all.
The main reason that type of situation happens is because you’re not seeing the lesson. You’re not understanding why you have developed this friend crush in the first place. When you don’t learn, the situation doesn’t change. [Read: 25 memorable life lessons to perfect your life]
Are you crushing because of a visual reason or a personality-based reason? Do you think you’re lacking in that department? Or, you’re seeing something that you wish you had too? If you wish you had it, why?
This might sound a little deep and meaningful, but it’s a really good learning exercise to be had here. We all admire things about other people, such as Beyonce’s hair, or J-Lo’s butt, but we stop short of developing a full-blown crush on these people because we realize that they’re just physical attributes of someone that we admire. Incidentally, I have a full-blown girl crush on Beyonce, simply because she is amazing, but that’s by the by!
What I’m trying to explain is that developing a friend crush because of one single physical attribute, e.g. hair, body shape, or eye color, isn’t likely to last for long. The novelty will wear off. On the other hand, a friend crush based on a personality trait is likely to last longer. You see something in that person that you wish you had, something you really admire.
Remember, we’re all different, and you’re no less valuable or admirable than they are. How do you know they’re not friends crushing on you? You don’t! You could have a number of people who developed friend crushes on you, and you have no clue! That’s a thought to keep with you. [Read: How to build self-confidence – 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]
You don’t have to copy someone else’s sense of humor, because you have your own. Don’t copy the way someone speaks, because you speak in your own way. You don’t have to try and copy the knowledge of someone else, because you have topics that you’re very knowledgeable on.
It’s fine to have a friend crush, it’s part and parcel of normal life, but it’s not normal to try and change elements of yourself to morph into that person. Firstly, your friend crush will notice and find it a little creepy, and secondly, it’s very detrimental to your own self confidence if you feel that you’re not enough as you are. Of course you are enough! [Read: The important self-reflective questions to help stay true to yourself]
You’re a lion or a lioness and you should feel that every single day of your life! Sure, admire someone else, but admiration should stop at the line before emulation.
Before my friend crush moved back to Australia, we had a deep conversation. I really thought she had it all figured out, she seemed effortless in any situation. She confided in me that she suffered with anxiety, and she used bluster and fake confidence to overcome it. That struck deep with me, and taught me a lot.
As you can see, everyone has their own life with their own stuff going on, and while you can admire someone for a trait, be it visual or personality, focus on being yourself and dealing with your own stuff.
That’s up to you! However, do be careful how you actually say it because some people may not appreciate you walking up to them and telling them that you have a crush on them!
They may totally misunderstand your meaning and become a little concerned that they need to distance themselves. That’s not everyone however, if you know this person well enough, you can joke about the fact that you have a crush on them, or the particular thing about them that you’ve decided you’re crushing on.
Maybe they’ll be flattered? How would you feel if someone you’ve been hanging out with jokingly told you that they have a crush on your ability to make people laugh? Or that they’re crushing on your hair?
You’d be pretty happy about it, right? As long as you make it clear that you’re not crushing on them in a romantic way, tell them and make their day!
[Read: 32 crazy fun things to do with your friends]
Superficially, a friend crush is the ultimate compliment in so many ways. Tell them what you love about them, but hold back on the emotion, otherwise you run the risk of crossing the line from admiration to downright weird!
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