The world is full of enough hate, the last thing you need is to hate yourself. If you’re tired of hating yourself, learn how to stop hating yourself.
Listen, there are times where we’ll think less of ourselves. It’s going to happen. So, I don’t want you to think that you shouldn’t feel sadness or guilt because it happens in some situations. But the problem starts when we think of ourselves in a negative way. Learning how to stop hating yourself is the best gift to give yourself.
Going down that road of self-hatred only make things worse, not only for you but for the people around you as well. Self-hatred is a part of being human. Of course, there are things about ourselves that we don’t like. I’m pretty sure Lady Gaga and Shawn Mendes don’t like themselves some days.
How to stop hating yourself and start loving yourself instead
There are different reasons why we hate ourselves. Maybe you didn’t accomplish a goal you set your mind to, made a mistake at the office, or regret things that you did or wished you carried out differently. Listen, the list can go on and on.
You know what? Everyone has this list in their heads. Some of us deal with this through drinking, drugs, avoidance, etc. But if you want to know how to stop hating yourself, learn how to minimize it. Getting completely rid of self-loathing isn’t going to happen because as humans, we always want to improve on ourselves and our flaws. You can reduce it and learn how to manage your self-hatred. Because let’s face it, we’re never going to be completely satisfied with ourselves.
#1 What is it about yourself that you dislike? You have self-hate for a reason. If you thought you were perfect, you wouldn’t have these negative emotions. So, what is it? Do you dislike the way your body looks? That you’re not in the job you want? That you allow people to take advantage of you? There’s something, so, first and foremost, figure what triggers you. [Read: 15 ways to find your confidence again]
#2 Know that you can change these flaws. Listen, we all have flaws. You can change your flaws. Now, you may not physically change them, but mentally, you reduce them through a different point of view. This means you accept your flaws and embrace them. They’re not going anywhere, but think of them as something that makes you unique and positive.
#3 What are the triggers? Now, most likely, you’re not thinking about the fact that you hate yourself every waking minute. However, there are things in your life which trigger these feelings. For example, when I try clothing on and they look bad on me or don’t fit, that’s a trigger. It makes me feel unattractive and undeserving of wearing these clothes. So, I’m aware that if I’m in a bad mood, going shopping isn’t a good idea. [Read: How to build self-confidence – 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]
#4 Stop trying to be the “yes” person. You want people to like you, I get it. At the end of the day, we all want to be liked by others. But this need to be liked opens the door for people to take advantage of us and walk all over us.
#5 Stop overthinking. I know you ate three donuts just now even though you’re on a diet. But who cares. It happened and what you need to do is move on. See, when we hate ourselves, we constantly think about the negative things we’ve done. But if you’re not acknowledging what and why you did something that you shouldn’t have, then you won’t help yourself. You need to look at why you did what you did and then change your perspective.
#6 Reflect on your indulgences. We all indulge in things that aren’t needed in our lives, this is the world we live in. Our whole existence is based on us buying things that we don’t need.
But, there’s a reason why you buy or eat excessively, you want instant gratification. But that’s only for the short-term. If you want to learn how to stop hating yourself, focus on not indulging in things that won’t actually make you happy in the long-run. Short-term happiness won’t help you. [Read: 17 ways to focus on yourself and make your own sunshine]
#7 Don’t hide the hate. Usually, when we hate something about ourselves we conceal it, hiding it away from the world. I hate my stomach, so I always tend to wear baggy sweaters or t-shirts to hide it. But in essence, it really exposes the insecurity I have about my body.
Now, this doesn’t mean I wear a crop top every day, but embracing my body is the first step to reducing the self-hate. We all have features or qualities that we hate about ourselves but exposing and embracing them works out better.
#8 Know that everyone has self-hate. There is literally no one in the world that doesn’t hate some part of them. So, what you need to do is overcome the expectations of what people have of you. Completely remove the idea that you need to do certain things in a certain way because at the end of the day, who gives a f*ck.
#9 Forgive. This means you should forgive yourself and the people around you. One quote that really stuck with me is “hurt people, hurt people.” If you’re hurt and full of self-hate, you project that onto others because you’re insecure.
#10 You’re going to mess up. Listen, reducing your self-hate won’t happen overnight. In fact, you’ll do things that aren’t going to be in your favor. Maybe you’ll get wasted on a Saturday night or degrade someone else. This will happen. But, the point is that you need to acknowledge these mistakes and build off of your failures.
#11 Don’t listen to your brain. Here’s the thing, both negative and positive things you say about yourself are kind of full of bullshit. You’re not the most amazing person in the world nor are you a sack of shit. So, banish both of those ideologies out of your head. Both apply an enormous pressure on yourself. [Read: Feeling unlovable? 12 life changing truths you need to know]
#12 You’re human. We have so much pressure to find what fulfills us and find out who we are. Remember, this takes years to discover. Stop pressuring yourself. You don’t need to cure cancer or become a famous actor. That isn’t what life is about. Now, what is life about? I have no idea, probably hunting and gathering food… reproducing… you know, basic animal shit.
At some point, self-loathing can be productive in changing ourselves in a positive way. However, there’s a fine line where it becomes too much and you lose your self-respect. But, you can learn how to stop hating yourself.
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A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...