Dating isn’t just about going on a date.
It’s everything that leads up to it too!
Most people often forget this little detail when they are asking themselves why they haven’t been on a date in ages.
The fact is, the way you behave before your date plays a huge part in whether or not you will actually get one.
Look at it this way, no one’s going to ask you out if you growl at everyone who walks past you.
So if you haven’t been on a date for a while, then perhaps, it’s your toxic dating habits that are keeping the elusive dates away.
Now, of course, you’d never really do anything intentionally that would jeopardize your odds of a perfect date.
But then again, most of your toxic habits, to you will seem absolutely normal.
Toxic dating habits that most people think are normal
As we grow up, we’re taught several things about the dating world, and we learn several other things by watching our friends, the sitcoms and the everyday world that revolves around us. And as with relationship rules and tips, we just assume that everything that happens in the movies is the right way to go about it *because movies always seem to have a happy ending, don’t they?* [Read: 16 common relationship tips that’ll do you more harm than good!]
But as the years pass, some habits get so deeply ingrained in our mind that we just assume it’s the natural way to go about it. Here are 12 toxic dating habits that you may be accustomed to, but the odds of these habits letting you down is way higher than the other way around!
#1 Focusing on the phone number
The situation is, you really like that cutie sitting across from you in the coffee shop, you want to get to know them better, and you want to ask them out on a date. So what’s you game plan? You’re going to ask them for their number, after all, they will leave soon and you will have no other way of getting in touch with them.
The problem is though, that even with their number, you are not guaranteed a date. If you just walk up to them and ask them for their number, the likelihood is that they may give it to you, but most of the time, it will only be because they didn’t want to cause an awkward scene.
The solution is to not just jump into asking them for their number. Try talking to them first, ask how they are, what they are reading or something to that affect. Build a connection with them, and then when you do get their number and use it, they will remember you and they will want to talk to you. [Read: 12 subtle eye contact moves to help you build the flirty connection]
#2 Don’t fix the date a week in advance
The situation is that you have this person’s phone number and you want to arrange the date.
The problem is that you want to arrange it straight away, a week in advance. If you do that, there’s a good chance that they might not turn up or be too enthusiastic about the date. It’s almost like you are scheduling a meeting with them and there is nothing romantic about that!
The solution is to arrange the date in parts, across the week. Don’t lay it all down at once, mention at first that you would like to see them in person soon. A day or two later, suggest a day you’d like to meet them. And then, on the day before the date, ask them what time they’d like to meet you, etc. By doing this, they are much more likely to turn up to the date as they have agreed to the last details on the day before the date, rather than a week before. [Read: Top 50 first date ideas to wow your date instantly!]
#3 You do not have just one type
The situation is that you think you only have one type of person that you are attracted to.
The problem is that while you make an assumption like this one, you are missing out on a whole dating pool of people who could be just perfect for you.
The solution is to date someone you think may not be your type now and then. Don’t focus on whether the date may go well or not, it’s all about getting out there and finding the right fit for you. You might think that you have a certain type, but obviously it hasn’t been working for you so far, otherwise you wouldn’t be single and looking for the ‘right’ partner. [Read: 10 harsh dating tips to make dating work for you!]
#4 Trying to impress will only end up tiring you out
The situation is that you are going on your date and you want to impress your potential partner.
The problem is that while you are trying to impress them, you are revealing a different version of yourself to your date. A good date is all about finding out if you and the person you’re meeting are a good fit. And this won’t happen if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not!
The solution is to not worry about impressing your date. They want to go out with you, and that’s the reason they asked you out/accepted the invitation. They are probably just as worried about impressing you. So seriously, just relax and be natural. [Read: 18 clear signs your date really likes you on the first date]
#5 Three’s a crowd but four is a gathering
The situation is that you are going out with your friends.
The problem is that if your group is bigger than three, then the likelihood is that no one will approach you, because to someone who wants to say hello, a group of four or more is quite intimidating.
The solution is to go out in groups of three. This is the perfect number that won’t intimidate potential dates while still having a good night out with your friends.
#6 Accept that perfection isn’t a real thing
The situation is that you have met someone who is really nice, but they don’t seem perfect, like the idea of the ideal partner you have in mind.
The problem is the fact that they don’t fit your idea of perfection, and that stops you from giving them a chance.
The solution is to stop thinking that perfection is obtainable. You are not perfect, they are not perfect but you might end up working perfectly together. So give them a chance. After all, perfection is subjective, and realistically speaking, all of us are flawed in some manner or the other. [Read: 14 signs you’re ruining your first date unintentionally]
#7 Don’t drink like a fish on a date
The situation is that you are on a date and you are getting a drink.
The problem is that drink can lead to bad choices when it’s drunk in large quantities and you might end up doing something you later regret.
The solution is to take it steady. You can have a drink, but don’t go silly on them. Make sure the sensible side of your brain can still think and act. By limiting the alcohol you drink, you won’t do anything you might later regret.
#8 Manners are important
The situation is that you are on your date.
The problem is that you forget to say ‘thank you’ when your date mate pays for the meal or the movie tickets.
The solution is to always be aware of your manners and remember your P’s and your Q’s, to say ‘thank you’ when needed and to act like the lady or the gentleman that you are. You don’t need to bow and hold doors open, but nicety has the word ‘nice’ in for a reason. [Read: 12 dating rules for really classy men and women]
#9 History shouldn’t be present
The situation is that you are on your date and talking to your potential partner.
The problem is that the topic has turned to previous relationships, and that’s always a walk on thin ice.
The solution is to change the topic straight away *albeit discreetly*, the last thing you want to do is talk about your exes with a date. They don’t want to hear about the people before them, they want to hear about you, so they can work out whether the two of you are a good fit. [Read: 20 smooth ways to perfect your first date conversation]
#10 You don’t need to play hard to get
The situation is that you are talking to someone who wants to ask you out on a date.
The problem is that you think you should play hard to get, so they don’t think you’re needy or desperate.
The solution is to stop being so silly. It has probably taken the person a lot of courage to ask you out and every minute that you are playing hard to get, is a minute they fear rejection. I’m not saying jump into bed with them, what I am saying is to have a little compassion.
#11 Family issues shouldn’t affect you
The situation is that you are interested in someone your family might not see fit.
The problem is how to get around your family without upsetting them.
The solution is to decide what is most important, whether that’s meeting this person and getting to know them or how your family will feel about it. If their preferences aren’t your preferences, then you can’t let them hold you back, no matter how worried you are over what they might think.
#12 So tell me about yourself
The situation is that you are talking to your potential date about yourself.
The problem is that you don’t know when to stop, and you tell them everything you can and don’t give them any room to talk.
The solution is to only tell one story at a time, and then let them speak. By doing this, both of you get a fair chance to talk to each other. And remember, you will get to know your date better too, if only you let them speak. [Read: 40 open ended questions that’ll lead to perfect first date conversations]
Fix your toxic dating habits
Toxic dating habits can often go unnoticed by the person presenting them, and they will often think nothing of it because it is the norm for them.
However, if you are wondering why your dates haven’t been working in your favour, perhaps you need to ponder over this.
If you find yourself indulging in any of these 12 toxic dating habits, perhaps, you need to take a step back and think about it. Sometimes, even the smallest change can make a huge difference!
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