Whether toy boy, cougar, sugar daddy or playmate, you’re not on your own. The trend towards inter-generational relationships is all the rage!
It used to be a very taboo subject, the subject of age gaps in relationships. This depends, of course, upon cultural differences, but on the whole a significant difference in age between a couple has always been viewed with quite some suspicion, as if it wasn’t quite moral, somehow.
Well, luckily, opinions seem to have changed, with increased access to digital media, enlightening our views of such things and making them that much more acceptable. There will, of course, always be prejudice against any societal oddity, but these are becoming less and less all the time. The case of the inter-generational relationship providing no exception.
Let’s be honest here. We’ve just been talking about the prejudices that are commonly levelled at those involved in an inter-generational relationship, but these are very different upon whether you are the elder or younger of the couple, and upon whether you are male or female. The following section looks at the four main types involved in such a relationship, their possible motives for pursuing such a course of action and the negative perceptions they may experience.
#1 The toy boy. A young male in a relationship, usually in his twenties or thereabouts. Energetic and handsome, he provides the perfect piece of arm candy for an older woman, who can pander to all his boyish needs and silliness. In the eye of the public however, the toy boy can be seen as immature, dependent and not very manly – mainly due to choosing a relationship where they are, generally speaking, not expected to provide. [Read: The good and the bad of dating a younger man]
#2 The play mate. A young female this time, with a very similar background to the toy boy. She seems happy to trade her time for the pampering and spoiling she receives at the hands of older successful men. Usually pretty as a picture and with a killer body to match, she is a trophy for the older gent to show off whenever he is out and about in public – not much different to a Bentley or Rolex.
Stereotypes regarding the play mate usually revolve around her lack of grey matter and common sense, although she is generally better accepted than the toy boy, fitting more neatly into the traditionally stereotypical expectations of a female’s role.
#3 The cougar. A term that didn’t exist not all that long ago, but one that is now all too familiar, a cougar is usually a middle aged woman, typically anywhere between early thirties and early fifties, who favors the company of significantly younger men.
This could be for a whole host of reasons, but in the public eye, the cougar’s preferences seem to have become exclusively associated with a need for sex. They may be single, married, divorced or other, but they usually provide an almost mothering environment for the younger object of their affections.
#4 The sugar daddy. The older gentleman, ranging in age anywhere from early forties to deathbed, who always seems to have a play mate on his arm – someone young, pretty and extraordinarily forthcoming. His motivation could be sexual, it could be for that motivating and energizing feeling that being in the presence of younger people can give, it could be just for the trophy aspect.
Since the sugar daddy has been a fixture in society since time immemorial, there is less prejudice directed towards him than there is jealousy, although some consider this habit a little bit creepy and to the modern woman, just a little bit insulting.
Pros of the age gap
Really, the only cons to a relationship with a significant age gap are the kind of stereotypes that people form of them and the subsequent opinions, sometimes odious or insulting, that may consequently be encountered. When two people are attracted to each other, in love and share so much common ground that a relationship seems inevitable, then that’s all that should really matter. However, there are many reasons why the age gap really works, and several of these follow in the next two sections.
The advantages of seeing someone older
#1 Better sex. Forget the stereotype of the older person as being somewhat past it – they really are so much better in bed. No ignorant fumbling under the bed sheets, they have experience on their side and they know their way around a naked body.
Be prepared to experience things you have never even thought of and prepare for orgasms that bring a whole new meaning to the word. Have a kink that younger partners have always been shy of? Now’s the time to reveal all and revel in the attention that this attracts.
#2 Better conversation. Tired of hearing about football games or teenage boy bands, and starved of intellectual input? With years of social, leisure and working experience behind them, you are far more likely to get a better level of conversation than the usual air-headed guff that is prevalent amongst your peers. There’s nowhere better to listen and learn than in the presence of an older lover. [Read: 7 must-knows when you’re dating someone older]
#3 Maturity. Not the physical kind, but the emotional kind. If you want to get on in life and start putting plans in place to progress, then you will find all the support you could ever need in an older partner. They’re also more likely to have their own houses in order, and they are often better able to relieve you of the drama that is common in the lives of the young.
#4 The kids. Not an obvious one, this, but many younger halves of a couple are pleased to walk into a readymade family and be part of the committed and loving environment which that can provide. Not all step mothers and fathers belong in a Grimm’s fairy tale. [Read: 9 things you can’t overlook when dating a single parent]
The advantages of seeing someone younger
#1 More enthusiastic sex. It’s definitely the case that the younger partner brings a lot more energy into the bedroom. They may not have the same level of finesse or skill, but that can soon be taught. The energy difference is especially relevant between younger males and older women, with men’s sexual energy levels peaking between 18 and 20 years old, and women sexually peaking around the mid to late thirties, one of the chief reasons that women tend to go looking for affairs around this age.
#2 Pliability. At risk of making the older half of the couple sound manipulative, there is a lot to be said in having a fresh young mind and body available to mold into just the way you like it. Mostly, this will be welcome anyway, as the younger half strives to learn off someone who becomes not only their lover, but also their role model.
#3 New cultural references. It is easy to be cut off from the modern world, when your friends and family are all of a similar age, and you suddenly find yourself stuck in a different decade. There is no better way of preserving an understanding of the topical and the relevant by having a human news feed lying next to you in bed. Be prepared to leave your older friends feeling like fuddy-duddies as you surprise them all with an up-to-date knowledge of youth and pop culture.
#4 No kids. Chances are, you’ve done your family bit and want to spend the rest of your life starting to get back in touch with who you are, and having good times accordingly. Finding a significantly younger partner is more likely to free you up from familial baggage and provide a partner in crime, whose only aim in life is to have fun.