It’s every older man’s dream to have a young, beautiful woman hanging off his arm on the way to dinner or another social function.
But inter-generational relationships can be fraught with problems, and most of these problems come squarely down to one reason: poor management of expectations.
The older man in a relationship with a younger woman often struggles to correctly identify what it is that has attracted her in the first place.
Consequently, trying to work out what preconception attracted her to you and acting upon your mistaken logic can actually have a negative effect.
Many people wonder why someone would want to get into a relationship with someone who is much younger or older than them. So why do older men date younger women? Here are some reasons.
Many people’s ancestors might have engaged in the practice of older man-younger women being together or marrying. [Read: Marital traditions – their not-so-sweet origins and our modern choices]
Younger women are of childbearing age, and many older women are not. So, if an older man wants children, then the option of choosing a younger woman is more appealing, similar to his ancestors.
Many cultures have traditions such as arranged marriages. And in this case, the woman rarely has a choice of who will become her husband. Perhaps it’s a tradition for an older man to marry a younger woman in many parts of the world.
There are a lot of men who go through a mid-life crisis. They realize that they are growing older, and this huge realization makes them want to recapture their youth. [Read: Biggest signs of a midlife crisis for a man and what causes them]
One of the ways they can do this is by dating a younger woman. It kind of “tricks” him into thinking he is young again too.
While every couple is unique, and there is no hard-and-fast rule for age gaps, there is a popular guideline. And that is called the “half-your-age-plus-seven” rule of age-difference dating.
For example, if a man is 50 years old, half of his age is 25. Then, if you add seven years to that, you get 32. So, the youngest woman that a 50-year-old man should date is a 32-year-old. [Read: Dating age rule – what’s an acceptable age gap for a couple?]
Another example would be if a man is 60 years old, half of his age is 30. Add seven years to that, and you get 37. And that would be his minimum age.
This is a rule with regard to social acceptance of a big relationship age gap.
However, if you think about it, it can get ridiculous the older a man gets. For example, using this rule on an 80-year-old man, the youngest he should date is a 47-year-old woman. [Read: Age gaps – the new trend in relationships]
And let’s be honest, not a lot of 47-year-old women would want to date an 80-year-old man.
This rule of thumb is said to have originated in France and was set as a formula for the suitability of a bride for marriage to an older man.
Regardless of whether or not you use this rule, it’s important to go with your gut. If you think a woman is too young for you, then she is. And, of course, you always want to make sure she is a legal adult! [Read: May December relationships – 22 truths, problems, and why it works so well]
Many people wonder why an older man would want to date a younger woman. After all, it seems like most couples are relatively close in age. Here are some factors that make some older men attracted to younger women.
In our world, most cultures equate youth with beauty. Not that older women can’t be attractive too, but a youthful glow is something that is particularly appealing to most men.
If a woman is beautiful on top of that, then that’s just the icing on the cake. [Read: 46 secrets to sexually arouse a woman mentally but not make it obvious]
Everyone has heard of a man’s “mid-life crisis.” This occurs when they realize that they are getting older, and they start to panic.
When an older man is with a younger woman, it makes him feel like his youth isn’t slipping away from him as quickly as it is.
As people age, they tend to get slower. They don’t walk as fast and aren’t quite as active as they were when they were young. So, a younger woman will have a lot more energy than an older woman. [Read: Positive vibes – 17 ways to welcome positive energy into your life]
When people get older, their looks tend to fade. This usually has a negative impact on most people’s self-esteem.
They may start to feel as if they aren’t as attractive as they used to be. So, a young woman will make an older man feel attractive and wanted in a sexual way.
Some older men like to be in control both in their professional and personal lives. And as we all know, wisdom comes with age. [Read: Compromise in a relationship – 17 ways to give and not feel like you lost]
This means that older women tend to be less naïve and more difficult to control than younger women. So, some men might prefer a young woman for this reason too.
It’s not surprising that human beings want to be admired. So, when an older man has a young, beautiful woman hanging on his arm, it is good for his ego. Plus, he probably enjoys making other men jealous, which can be part of a man’s competitive nature.
Again, each individual couple is different, so there is not one answer to this question. Can a relationship like this work? Absolutely. Can it fail miserably? Absolutely. [Read: 20 relationship problems that push a couple apart or bring them closer]
But let’s focus on the positive reasons why an older man with a younger woman can work.
In general, females mature sooner in life than males do. Some research theorizes that man’s brain doesn’t fully mature until he is somewhere around 35-40 years of age. For women, it’s much younger than that.
For that reason, younger women may not be as compatible with younger men because of their immaturity. If they are looking for a stable man with his act together in life, then an older man might be the right choice for them. [Read: 20 signs of maturity and traits that reveal a mature mind]
Because older men have either been in more relationships or had longer ones, they usually have more experience.
Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are all better, but many have learned from their mistakes through the years.
Most young men have a very high sex drive. And that works for women if they also have a similar libido. But many women simply don’t want to have sex as often as young men do. [Read: Sexual compatibility – 47 signs to tell if you’re incompatible and ways to fix it]
As men age, their testosterone starts to decline, so their sex drive diminishes. So, if a woman doesn’t have a very high sex drive, then she might be more compatible with an older man in the bedroom.
Many successful older men enjoy sharing their personal and professional knowledge with younger people. And this could be one of the reasons why an older man would want to date a younger woman.
If the woman appreciates all of the guidance that the older man is giving her, then this mentor-mentee dynamic can work quite well. [Read: Simple ways to be a better role model for the youth]
Perhaps an older man works with a younger woman, lives in the same condo complex, or sees her as a regular at the same bar they go to. Either way, if an older man keeps bumping into a younger woman who seems a tad bit too friendly, he might wonder if she is actually interested or just being friendly.
Here are some signs to look out for.
Most women know that a man wants to feel like a woman’s hero. [Read: What does it mean to date someone in reality – not a fairy tale?]
So, if a young woman is interested in an older man, she might frequently ask for his help. This could be as simple as opening a jar or seeking his assistance with a career matter.
Laughing at people’s jokes can be a form of flirting, and it just comes naturally when you’re interested in someone.
This is especially true if the jokes are really that funny! So, if she “over-laughs” at an older-man’s jokes, then she is probably interested in him. [Read: 66 flirty, naughty, and funny questions to ask a girl and leave her tingly]
Touching is another sign of flirting. It’s instinctual to want to be near and to touch someone that we are attracted to.
So, if she seems to find any and all reasons to touch the older man, it’s probably because she’s doing it either consciously or subconsciously out of interest. Either way, it’s a good sign.
While dating a younger woman probably sounds great to most older men, it doesn’t come without its challenges too. There are some disadvantages to keep in mind, and here they are. [Read: New relationship doubts – 22 toxic and normal signs to read what you feel]
If an older man has been married before and has older children, he might not want to get married again and start all over with more kids.
Most younger women tend to want to settle down and start a family. So, unless both people are honest and upfront about wanting/not wanting children in the future, it may not work out very well.
Prioritizing a career can happen on either end. In one scenario, the man might be high up in his career and have a lot of demands on his time. The younger woman might not understand this and feel neglected. [Read: Love or career – how to choose and make sure you’re not left feeling bitter]
Another scenario could be the exact opposite; if an older man has already retired, he might have a lot of time on his hands.
And if the younger woman is heavily into her career, she might not have time for him. Either way, it can cause problems in the relationship.
While a man might think that he will look like the hottest thing on earth with a hot young woman on his arm, not everyone sees it that way. [Read: Lessons to learn to deal with judgmental people]
Some may look at him and think he’s some sort of pedophile if he’s old enough to be her father. They might judge him and think he’s shallow, too.
When people are young, they can lack commitment and even cheat on their partners. So, if the young woman isn’t mature, she might have one foot in and one foot out of the relationship. After a while, she might be looking for a younger man.
Or, on the flip side, maybe a man has been married for decades and now feels like sowing his wild oats. He might want to sleep with a lot of women, and so that would make the younger woman feel insecure. [Read: Fear of commitment – 47 signs, whys, and ways to get over your phobia]
This could be one of the biggest problems of all. The younger woman and older man most likely grew up in completely different generations.
He might not have had the internet or more than three TV channels to watch growing up. Meanwhile, she can’t even imagine life without modern technological conveniences.
But even beyond that, they grew up with different music, TV shows, and clothes. They might not be able to relate to the same memories.
That reliability bridge can prove to be too essential yet too difficult to cross. [Read: When does age difference in relationships matter?]
While there can be disadvantages to dating a younger woman, it certainly can work. So, if you have decided to go for it, you can make the most of it.
The fact is, she fell for you, not a younger guy, and you have to play up your strengths without overcompensating or displaying any insecurities.
If she’s interested in an older man, there’s probably a reason, and the best you can do in this situation is make the most of what you have and who you are. [Read: Relationship stages – the phases couples go through by months and years]
The following dos and don’ts should give you a better idea of how to manage your position in your May-December relationship to your best advantage.
One of the main reasons that she’s with you *and not with some stud of her own age* is because younger guys often don’t hit the emotional mark. They may have the bodies of demigods, but they can also have the emotional maturity of a walnut.
Guys emotionally mature at a much slower rate than women and can easily get into their thirties with the emotional intelligence of a five-year-old. They laugh at fart and tit jokes–enough said. [Read: How to be mature – 25 ways to grow up and face life like an adult]
So, take advantage of the younger guy’s failings. Show her how even-headed you are and how readily able you are to talk about your feelings in a calm and responsive manner.
Show her that your maturity ensures that a relationship with you is a true emotional partnership, not a one-way street to toy town!
You don’t get to your later years without learning a thing or two. This doesn’t mean that you have to talk at length about quantum physics or sub-Saharan politics. [Read: Attracted to intelligence? Clues you might be sapiosexual]
The fact is you have a rounded understanding of the world that reaches into a whole range of topics the younger man can’t even touch.
You have opinions that are considered and respected, and you have the confidence to deliver them; the younger man is limited to names and performances of his favorite sportsmen, while you can hold court upon any subject with ease.
This is a strength that the younger woman admires and aspires to. Want to impress her? There’s no better place to start than with your voice and mind. [Read: What do women want in a man – 41 traits that make a guy VERY desirable]
You don’t have to be a daredevil stunt driver or an extreme sports junkie to pick up some interesting experiences along the way.
Time takes care of that. It may be people you’ve met, places you’ve been on holiday, or anything else that stands out from the normal array of day-to-day activities.
Sharing these things with a younger woman you have your eye on will fascinate her, scintillate her, and keep her coming back for more. [Read: Spontaneous romantic moves men should try on a date]
This is especially true when her male peers struggle to find anything to talk about beyond frat parties and TikTok.
Sadly, this is something that younger guys are really bad at. They will prattle on about themselves incessantly until the woman they admire is ready to jump out of the nearest window in a last-ditch effort to escape.
A conversation should be a two-way street with attempts to solicit information from the other person, and it should involve as much listening as talking, if not more. [Read: 33 BIG dating deal breakers for women that make a girl decline or reject a guy]
This is another strength of the older man. His levels of empathy and patience have strengthened over time and will prove an invaluable tool in wooing a younger woman who is used to clueless younger men.
She will feel important and worthy of listening to and will definitely be ready to take things a step further.
If you’re lucky enough to progress the relationship to the bedroom, then you’re in a fantastic position to consolidate your superiority over the younger man. [Read: Sexual foreplay – 26 lusty secrets to do it well and make them hot and horny]
It is usually the case that the twentysomething male has a “jump straight in, genitals first and only” kind of approach.
If he lasts more than the time it takes to cook an egg in his selfish efforts to reach a boiling point, then the woman can count herself lucky.
The older male, however, knows exactly what his hands, fingers, lips, and tongue are for and knows when to use them. [Read: Foreplay moves every guy needs to do to their ladies]
Use your sexual sophistication to give her what may easily be her first true orgasm, and have her begging to come back for more.
Yes, you’re older; you probably have a better career than any of the younger guys she knows–and, consequently, a lot more money.
However, don’t try to take advantage of this fact to secure her affection. She may feel offended by your attempts to buy her, and you could end up pushing her away. [Read: Date ideas men love but women actually hate]
Even worse, she may accept your cash-fueled advances–and is that really the kind of girl you want to be in a relationship with?
Gold diggers do not make for a long and healthy relationship. She may end up costing you a lot more than money.
There may be a temptation for some older guys, with their wealth of experience and knowledge, to see themselves as superior to the girl they are interested in dating. [Read: The dumbest mistakes men make in relationships]
Even if her experiences aren’t as grand as your own, don’t play them down. They might not mean much to you, but they do to her.
People are a jealous bunch of creatures. There will be men and women who take issue with your age gap and spread malicious rumors and gossip about you.
However, we have already explained how symbiotic the relationship between an older man and a younger woman is, and you certainly don’t need to listen to the nay-sayers. [Read: An ex’s revenge – “My ex’s rumors ruined me]
If you start listening to the rumors and let them put you off the relationship, shame on you.
Please, please, please resist the urge to start adopting young fashions in an effort to fit in with her age group. The fact is, you’ll never quite get it right, and you’ll probably just end up looking like some former 70s disco legend.
Pathetic for you and highly embarrassing for her. The trick is to aim for style over fashion. It suits your age, and whereas fashion is just for the season, style is eternal. [Read: 30 traits and things women look for in a man that make a guy totally irresistible]
Viagra and energy drinks consumed, you are determined to prove to her that age is no barrier to being an energetic love god.
However, you’ll never compete with a younger man on that score, and to be perfectly honest, that isn’t what she wants from you, anyway.
She’s hoping for the benefit of years of experience and the sensitivity it imparts… not yet another high-speed genital intervention!
[Read: How to be an alpha male – unleash the irresistible inner you]
There’s so much about you, as an older man, that she is likely to be interested in. Using these tips, make the most of who you are and wow her with your superior skills of seduction.
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