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What is a Chode? Why PUAs Hate Them But Women Prefer Dating These Guys

So, you’ve heard the word and thought to yourself, ‘what exactly is a chode?’ Don’t worry… You’re about to find out.

what is a chode

PUA: Pick up artists. You know, those men who take to the streets to claim horribly toxic or sexist comments about men, women, and the world of dating. It seems like every few months, there’s a new one who’s getting called out on social media for spreading harmful messages, and yet they always pop back tenfold.

One idea that’s popular in the PUA world is that of “being a chode”. But what does this mean exactly? And why should we all strive to be more chode-like? [Read: Misogynistic men – what it is, 48 signs, and psychology of a sexist women hater]

So, what is a chode?

According to dictionary.com, the word chode comes from the word “choad”. The word may go as far back as 1968 – a teenage slang of unknown origination. Choad means penis, which is probably what you thought it meant going into this feature. But, it is also slang for someone being a fool or a moron. This is the part that PUAs have really latched on to.

In the PUA world, “chode” is used to refer to someone with “weak game”. In their eyes, chodes can’t get women, nor do they really want to.

Chodes are recognized as not wanting to be players, but because PUAs can’t imagine a world where men want something more than just sex from their relationships, they claim this to be denial or laziness to “improve their game.”

In the wider world, chode is used to describe a very particular penis shape—short in length but wide in girth. So, yes, PUAs believe that men who don’t use women as sexual objects aren’t masculine, and they correlate masculinity with dick size and shape. [Read: Different types of penises – 18 shapes and ones that feel oh-so-good or meh inside you]

Why we should all be more chode-like

PUAs use the term “chode” as an insult, but as you’re going to see, there’s really nothing insulting about the qualities that represent chodes.

In fact, if more men acted like a PUAs definition of a chode, they might better embrace their masculinity and find more luck in the dating world. [Read: Defining true masculinity – what does it mean to be a man?]

So, why should we all be chodes?

1. The chode thinks learning game is wrong

We don’t know what kind of self-obsessed world PUAs are living in if they think that every woman is playing in their weird game. But, in the real world, women are just going about their days with heavy loads on their minds.

“Has the milk gone bad?” “When are the bills due?” “What supplies does my kid need for their homework project?” This is what women are thinking about, they’re totally unaware that the man standing at the bar is working out a formula between time spent eyeing this woman down = guaranteed sex tonight.

The chode doesn’t worry about improving his game because women aren’t playing it! Instead, he trusts that he’ll naturally meet women who are compatible with him.

2. The chode has hobbies

To a PUA, if you have hobbies that aren’t solely based on picking up women, you’re a chode. For example, if you play video games, you’re redirecting your heroism into virtual reality when you could be directing it to reality.

But when is there the opportunity to be heroic in real life? If you want to wind down with some video games, go ahead. Not everything you do has to be about getting laid. [Read: Turn offs for women – 25 things guys do that girls absolutely hate]

3. The chode thinks he’s deserving of love

PUAs don’t think that people are deserving of love. They think that to get women, you have to compete with other men, face rejection countless times, and fiercely hustle in order to get a woman’s attention.

But take it from us, you really don’t! Not every woman out there is going to like you, and that’s okay. You don’t have to dedicate all of your free time to having sex with as many people as you can. Instead, just focus on building those connections and relationships with the people you feel naturally drawn to.

People always say that love always finds them as soon as they stop looking. [Read: When will I find love? 25 secrets that WILL help you find the one]

4. The chode does what women want him to

Apparently, there’s nothing masculine about listening to your partner. Wrong!

There’s nothing masculine about ignoring your partner. Actually, masculinity is all about respecting people the way you want to be respected, so respecting your partner is incredibly masculine.

If anyone tells you otherwise, don’t listen to them. They’re just trying to bring others down to make themselves look better.

5. The chode hates masculinity

A chode certainly disagrees with a certain type of masculinity, and that’s toxic masculinity.

You know, the “men don’t cry,” “men don’t take shit from women,” and “men have to be tough” mindset. Chodes don’t like this way of thinking because they know how damaging and toxic it is.

PUAs look down on men who try to stand up in the face of this toxic masculinity. A chode will try to rescue a female friend from a guy who is mistreating her, and apparently this isn’t a good thing?

In the world of PUAs, men can’t be friends with women without wanting something from them, so helping them just for the sake of helping them is unheard of. Talk about toxic. [Read: 29 secrets to be way more masculine & manly without being an A-hole to others]

6. The chode respects sex

Chodes have a bad reputation when it comes to sex, according to PUAs. And funnily enough, this is because they actually respect sex.

PUAs consider chodes to be naive about sex when in reality, they are the ones who are naive about sex. They think that sex, or any interaction between men and women, is a power struggle. Even in their most intimate moments, they think that they always have to be on their guard.

But sex isn’t a power struggle. It’s not a competition between men to fight other men from out between a woman’s legs to prove himself the worthy mate.

Sex is intimate, it’s personal, and it’s beautiful. Whether you’re having sex with a FWB or a soulmate, it is so much more than just a chance to prove yourself to women and men alike. Chodes are fully aware of that.

7. The chode complains about love

Everyone complains about love. Love sometimes sucks! You can love someone, but they don’t love you. Or you love someone but there’s an obstacle in the way of you being together. Whatever the scenario, love can be hard sometimes. And when the going gets tough, we complain.

PUAs look down on people who complain about the trials of love because they permanently have their walls up against love. They don’t allow love to even enter their life because, again, everything is a power struggle.

But as hard as love can be, it can also be incredibly rewarding, so in the end it’s only the PUAs who are missing out.

8. The chode feels heartbreak

Chodes don’t use heartbreak as a manipulation tactic to bed women. Chodes just feel heartbreak, because when you lose someone you love, that’s heartbreaking.

PUAs can’t comprehend that though. They see a man who is going through heartbreak as a chump who’s trying to use emotions to manipulate women.

So, be a chode. Acknowledge when you’re hurt, and allow yourself to feel that hurt. And for crying out loud, don’t use your emotions to manipulate others! If a PUA could feel emotions, they would use them against others. [Read: How to express your feelings – 16 must-know ideas to speak your mind]

9. The chode thinks… And does little

This is just another way of saying that they think before they act. And if they realize that the consequences of the risk aren’t worth the rewards, then they won’t act.

But PUAs aren’t considerate of others, so they think less and do more. That only hurts those around you, so why would you want to look up to that? Be like a chode, think through your actions.

10. The chode knows how the world should work

Well, the PUAs have got something right for once: chodes do know how the world works.

They know that women aren’t just standing bait, waiting for a man to bite them up. Women, like anyone else, are just going about their day. Sometimes, they’re having a good day, and sometimes a pretty crappy day.

No one wants to be interrupted during a crappy day. Chodes know that, so they give women space. They meet women in a more natural way, not by approaching them with a “have sex with me” sales pitch. [Read: How to approach a girl – 36 secrets to lose the fear and make women want you]

11. The chode believes in a soulmate

He believes there’s one person out there for each one of us—that special one person—that once-in-a-lifetime person. And there’s nothing wrong with that!

Some people are hopeless romantics, some people enjoy the freedoms of the single life. There’s no right answer on how someone should view love, except when that view is very toxic and manipulative.

If you think that there’s a soulmate out there for you, and you’re not interested in playing the field, you’re not less of a man for that. In fact, you’re just as strong as any other man.

When does being a chode become being a ‘nice guy?’

It seems like PUAs have come up with so many terms to define men that they’ve got them confused! Because of that, there are some defining qualities of chodes that don’t actually apply to chodes at all. Instead, they actually apply to “nice guys.”

If you didn’t already know, “nice guys” are actually the opposite of their given title. They are men who are nice to women only with the expectation that they’ll get laid because of it.

When a woman doesn’t fall into bed with a nice guy just because he said his please and thank yous, he shows his true colors, flying off the handle with sexist remarks. [Read: Nice guy syndrome – 42 “fake” things nice guys do and how to stop being one]

So, when is a nice guy just a fake chode in disguise?

1. The nice guy thinks he’s the ‘nice guy’

Well, this certainly helps. If a guy says that he’s a nice guy, what he means is that he plays the same manipulation game on women that PUAs use, except he uses friendship and fake niceness instead of toxic arrogance.

Truly nice guys don’t brag about how nice they are. Because it’s just common decency to be nice to other people.

2. The nice guy is very manipulative

Everyone wants to feel some degree of power over their own life. The nice guy’s domain of influence is in subtle coercion. Emotional manipulation.

He’ll be the type of person to guilt-trip his partner into getting his own way. He’ll say one thing and mean another and he’ll make vague threats based on insecurity. This is really a nice guy in disguise as a chode.[Read: Psychological manipulation – how it works, 37 tactics, signs, and ways to deal]

3. The nice guy is judgmental

If a girl has had sex with more than 2 people, the nice guy will probably say she’s a slut. He generally finds reasons why his insecurities are caused by someone else. He pulls down others who have ideas that are unfamiliar to him, like crabs in a barrel. [Read: Insecure boyfriend – warning signs and how to handle it]

PUAs – what a load of ****

Pick up artists claim to be helping men learn the truth behind what women desire so that they can get lucky in the dating field. Although their intentions seem good, it’s all a front.

Yes, it’s obvious that PUAs are bad because of the downright horrifyingly sexist things they say about women. But really, PUAs are horrible because all they do is tear down and shame other men.

C’mon, if you’re not a player, then you’re literally compared to a small dick. How is that a movement designed to empower or help anyone? [Read: What girls find attractive – 49 traits that make a guy irresistible to women]

Redefining chode

PUA, nice guy, chode. There are so many terms out there to describe men, but what do they all have in common?

All of these definitions revolve around how they choose to use women as objects for pleasure. So, why don’t we just do away with all the terms? [Read: How to respect women – 18 must-know rules all men should learn and follow]

Even if you’re not dating to find your one true love, dating is still just about finding someone you’re compatible with. It’s about getting to know someone on an intimate level, sharing parts of yourself that you seldom share with anyone, and exploring this connection on an emotional and physical level.

No matter how committed two people are to each other, there’s a give-and-take that comes with dating. So, let’s do away with these toxic terms and encourage men to be the best versions of themselves.

Chodes are just normal, well-intentioned, well-developed men. Simple as.

[Read: 18 dating rules to be a good date and must-know toxic habits to avoid]

So, we hope now that you see how great it is to be a chode. It means embracing your emotions, approaching relationships with genuine respect and intent, and not letting toxic ideas of masculinity dictate your life. Go out there and embrace your chodeness!

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...