We all want to be close, but not too close. Even in the most enduring relationships, there are things you want to share and then those that you should keep to yourself. We often make the mistake of rating the satisfaction of our relationships by taking stock of how “close” we are. This relationship closeness inventory allows you to do just that.
What close means to one person may not mean the same to another. The one thing that I know for sure is that how things appear from the outside are not always how they are.
Top ten ways you want to be close
If you are worried that your relationship isn’t close enough, you may be sabotaging yourself. There is no real relationship closeness inventory. However, some things define the level of closeness you feel with someone.
Some things indicate that you just may be too close to your significant other. Broken down into two top ten’s, below is a list of things you want to have in your relationship to define your level of “close.”
#1 You can always be yourself with your partner. The true test of closeness is knowing you can be yourself around someone, and they will not only love you in spite of it, but because of it. We all have crazy. Being close enough to someone means you can mess up without reprisal and let it all out without them running for the door. [Read: Real soulmates: 20 signs you’ve met the love of your life]
#2 You can always be honest. When you are close, you can be honest even when it is uncomfortable. Honesty is key to any relationship, but only people who are truly close have the courage to say those things someone doesn’t want to, but sometimes needs to, hear.
#3 They are your emergency contact. When you are in a close relationship, you always have that one person you contact when you are in trouble. They are the first person on your list when you need a helping hand, and also when you have some exciting news.
Foremost on your support chain, they will always be there to bail you out or to celebrate your success.
#4 You know how to read them and what they need. When you are close to someone, you don’t have to wonder what they are thinking or what they need. Knowing them like you know yourself, you understand when it is time to insert yourself or time to leave them alone.
Being able to read what is going on in their minds is key to communication and knowing when to step in or out. [Read: 15 rules to be a good partner in a relationship]
#5 You aren’t afraid to ask the hard questions. When you are close, you aren’t afraid to ask those questions that can be hurtful or difficult. Knowing there is always unconditional love, nothing you can ever say or do changes the way you feel about each other.
#6 You trust them with your deepest, darkest secret. Those things you wouldn’t dare tell anyone can sometimes be a burden if you can’t talk to someone about them.
Being close enough to someone means you tell them things that won’t go any further. And they won’t judge you for them. Never changing the way they feel about you, nothing you say is going to drive them away.
#7 If you fail you don’t have to feel ashamed. Being close means the person is going to love you even if you try something and fail. Being supportive is about giving them the encouragement to follow their dreams. Even if it means stumbling and falling a couple of times before success is found. [Read: Not child’s play! 20 love riddles and the complexity of love]
#8 You don’t need them but always want them around. There is a difference between needing to have someone around and just wanting them to be there.
When you are close to someone, it means you have a connection that transmits wherever you are, so you feel secure enough to have distance and be okay. When you can have them close, that is exactly where you want them to be.
#9 You know they won’t judge you. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. When you are close to someone, they know your quality and your character. Whatever you do, they know that you did your best and that sometimes we make mistakes. It isn’t something to judge you by or to hold against you.
#10 They know just how to pick you up and make things okay. When you are close to someone, they know exactly the right things to say to pick you up and to make everything okay, even when times are toughest. They know the things that make you tick, even when you are tocking. [Read: 10 signs you’re dating your best friend and don’t know it]
Top ten signs you are too close
Here’s a top ten list of things in your relationship closeness inventory that could spell you are “too close” and may want to think about creating some distance.
#1 You can’t leave one another’s side for more than a minute. If you simply can’t ever be without each other or leave one another’s side, then you are too close.
Letting someone do their own thing while you do yours, is the basis of a healthy relationship, not smothering each other.
#2 You leave the bathroom door open when you probably shouldn’t. One word—“ewwww.” Remember, it is okay to be alone sometimes! [Read: 13 gross and unique things couples do to build intimacy in a relationship]
#3 You can’t make a decision alone. It is okay to discuss major decisions together. If you can’t decide what color socks to wear on your own, you are way too close.
#4 You think groping each other in public is totally acceptable. Closeness isn’t about being inappropriate in public. Save the “close time” for closed rooms. You aren’t just too close, you are too close for the rest of our comfort.
#5 You share personal items like a toothbrush. Even if you are close, that does not mean you don’t have your own set of germs. It is okay to share toothpaste and other toiletries, but there are just some things you should keep to yourself. [Read: 15 fun and totally weird couples do in private]
#6 You tell each other everything, and I mean everything… TMI. There are just some things you should keep to yourself. If you think you are close enough to tell them about your bathroom explosion, that isn’t close; that is just gross.
#7 You take each other to things they shouldn’t be at like girl’s or boy’s night out. Ahem, the whole name implies it all. If you are so close you simply can’t be without each other, then go out alone. Don’t ruin everyone else’s gender-specific night. [Read: The 9 relationship stages every single couple goes through]
#8 You have no other friends but one another. Being close is about being comfortable not isolated alone on an island! If you have no one else but each other, then you are way too close.
Having variety in your life is what gives you things to talk about. If all you have is each other, things can get pretty boring. Soon you may find yourself with nothing to talk about but the weather.
#9 You don’t have an opinion that isn’t collective. If you can’t have a thought that isn’t shared, you aren’t close, you are losing your own identity. Close relationships allow each partner the right to have their own opinions, likes, and dislikes. Not everything has to be jointly decided upon. [Read: How to be the power couple all your friends are jealous of]
#10 You’re into every aspect of the other’s life. When you are close, you trust the other person enough to give them their own identity. Being involved in everything and not letting your partner have their own “thing” isn’t close, it is not fair. Each of you should have your own hobby or alone time activity to keep your own identity.
The definition of closeness is different for everyone and in every relationship. If you are doing a relationship inventory, the best thing to do is to stop comparing yourself with others and only be concerned about whether you are close enough in your relationship for your own comfort.
[Read: 10 couple goals we actually need in our relationships]
Take stock of your relationship closeness inventory by asking each other these 20 questions. So are you just perfectly close to each other, or just too close for comfort?
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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