At one point or another, we may have been lied to without even knowing it. Sometimes, the little white lies are what people resort to, in order to keep others’ feelings from getting hurt. For instance, a friend may say that he’s not feeling well instead of saying he’s just not in the mood to hang out. Your girl might say that she’s fine when she just doesn’t want to talk about what’s bothering her.
It can sometimes be easier to take things at face value, instead of prying in order to find out the truth. But there are times when those lies aren’t so inconsequential. Those little lies may be shielding you from the truth… a truth that might end up hurting you. [Read: 15 types of toxic relationships to stay away from]
Men may become paranoid when their girl is lying to them about something. Is she lying because she’s cheating? Is she lying because she doesn’t want me to find out about something important? Is she lying because she doesn’t respect me enough to think I can handle the truth? The answer may change from situation to situation.
Is she lying to you?
If you feel it in your gut that your girl is being dishonest with you, you can try checking for these telltale signs.
#1 Her lines sound rehearsed and not at all like her. You ask her how her day went and she says something like, “I had lunch with Anne, and then we went to the mall, and then I went home.” If this is how your girlfriend usually tells you about her day, then that’s fine. However, if she’s usually more talkative, this can be a warning sign.
When your girl tells you a story that you doubt, you can check if she’s lying by asking her to tell it again at another time. If she rigidly retells the story word for word, then it might be a sign that she practiced her lines before talking to you. Why would she feel the need to memorize what she did on a certain day if those events really did happen? [Read: 7 signs that your relationship is heading downhill]
#2 There are inconsistencies in her story. This is for the girl who didn’t have time to rehearse her lines. Little inconsistencies can give you a clue that she’s not being completely truthful. For instance, the first time she tells her story, she said she was with Anne. And at the second time, she mentions that another friend was there with her.
Could she have forgotten that another friend came by or did she forget her original story? It’s easy to forget minor details when we recount what we did on a certain day. But it can be a little strange if she almost completely changes her story.
#3 She panics when you ask. It’s normal for you to ask how your girlfriend’s day went because she is someone you care about, after all. So if she starts to panic, this can get alarm bells ringing in your head. Why would she suddenly panic, if you’re just asking about something completely harmless?
You can tell that she’s panicking if her pitch rises or if she starts talking really fast. Another way to tell is if she’s using exaggerated hand gestures. Afterwards she may act fidgety or she may start to become paranoid that you asked, to the point that she anxiously tries to change the subject.
#4 She gets mad when you ask. “I already told you!” is something that she’s likely to say. Though in her defense, it can be pretty tiring to repeat something she has already said. However, if it would only take a couple of words to answer your question, why would she be mad?
Being mad or defensive when you ask a question does two things. One, it can make you avoid the topic, because it clearly bothers her, which would then leave you wondering why. Two, getting mad can give her enough time to change the topic and accuse you of prying too much into what she does. If she’s lying, she’s counting on these two consequences so she won’t have to repeat her lie. [Read: 10 tips to fight fair in a relationship]
#5 There are either too many details or too little. This would depend entirely on how she usually tells you things. While some ladies like to mention all the little details, others hold off on the details to deliver the point quickly. Now, we’re assuming that you’re well versed in how your girlfriend usually talks.
If she’s the type to include tons of details, and she’s suddenly going for brevity, something may be amiss. On the other hand, if she usually tells pretty straight to the point stories, it can be a bit strange when she starts mentioning tiny inconsequential details. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheating partner]
#6 She looks away a lot. When people lie, they usually don’t want to look you straight in the eye because it’s easier for you to catch them lying. What they usually do is look away or shift their eyes from one object to another.
People also tend to look away when they feel uncomfortable. Lying to a loved one is, of course, uncomfortable. So looking away is a person’s way of trying to deflect your judging gaze, so they don’t waver when they lie. Now, your woman doesn’t have to keep her eyes fixed on you the entire time she’s telling you something. But if she spends about 90% of the conversation looking away, then you may need to start double checking what she’s saying. But when she looks into your eyes too much…
#7 She looks you straight in the eye. Have you ever felt like you were hypnotized by your boss when he’s telling you to do something? Notice how he would look you straight in the eye and practically use his gaze to make you do what he says? This tactic can also work when someone is lying.
When someone looks you straight in the eye, it can be off putting and it can make you drop your guard. When your girlfriend does this, she may be trying to convince you to believe her tale. It’s possible that she thinks looking away may make her appear weak and unsure of her story. So she’s doing the opposite to make you think that there’s no reason to doubt what she’s saying.
#8 She’s preventing you from double checking. Okay, so you may already have it in your mind that she’s lying about something. In order to prove that she is, you’ll probably try to do a little fact checking. You try to check her phone but she always has it on her person or she has protected it with a pass code. Let’s say you guessed the right pass code, and you start snooping through her messages and pictures. All you find is an empty inbox and an empty photo album.
Now that her phone isn’t an option, you test your hacker abilities and try to check her Facebook when she’s not looking. But, alas! All her messages have been deleted or she changed her password. With nothing to see on her phone and Facebook, what other options do you have?
You try to ask her friends where she’s been, but they suspiciously don’t reply to you even if they’re online. Well, that’s three strikes now. We think it’s time that you have a talk with your girlfriend and ask her if she’s hiding something from you. Who knows, she might cave in and admit that there’s something going on that she doesn’t want you to know about.
[Read: How you can get over trust issues in your relationship]
Being lied to can be a prelude to other hurtful things your girlfriend can do to you. Check for these red flags or use them to verify if she’s being dishonest. It’s better to nip the issue in the bud before things spiral out of control.
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