Pathology is a term used to describe disease causation or progression. A pathological liar is ill, and will make you ill too, if you let them.
We all know someone who has a hard time with the truth. Some of us lie to save someone’s feelings, but that is something entirely different from a pathological liar. A pathological liar is someone who lies simply because they can.
No moral compass, lies are the way they manipulate, control, and confuse everyone in their wake. If you think you can tame or change the pathological liar, you lie to yourself.
The pathological liar may or may not have started out as one. Sometimes people are good at lying, and it becomes a habit. Before they know it, the truth seems too simplistic. Others use lying as a way to abuse and manipulate their victims. After all, telling someone something they know isn’t true and getting them to believe it, must be pretty damn empowering. [Read: 13 giveaways to tell if someone is lying to your face]
15 undeniable hurts of a pathological liar
Whatever the reason, the person you are with can’t seem to come to terms with the truth. But, you should come to terms with the fact that they aren’t ever going to provide you with it, and move on and find someone who is honest and true.
#1 They lie about mundane things. Most of us lie either to get out of trouble or to stop from hurting someone’s feelings. The pathological liar lies about everything from what they had for lunch to when they worked in the morning.
#2 They hide things from you. The pathological liar doesn’t want to get caught, so they hide everything from you. They lock their phone, keep passcodes on everything, and they keep you out of their personal business, so that you can’t check up on them.
#3 They convince you that you are mistaken. They leave you completely upside down and backward. A pathological liar has a lot of experience and expertise in lying. So, if you do catch or question them, they learned to switch things up, project back onto you, and make you so upside down you forget what you even talked about to begin with.
When you are in a relationship with a pathological liar, you spend half of your life scratching your head wondering where things went wrong.
#4 You begin to question yourself when you are in a relationship with them. The pathological liar makes what is up down and what is down up. Always keeping you on guard, what you know to be true you suddenly question. It leaves you feeling constantly anxious and unreal in your own life.
There is no way to maintain a healthy relationship with someone dishonest with you. You never know what is real, including their love.
#5 There is nothing sacred enough that is off limits to lie about. For most people, there are some things that you lie about and are okay with *like answering, “Do I look fat in this?”* and others simply off limits.
For the person who goes through life telling mistruths, there is nothing that they won’t lie about. Including whether they love you, if they are seeing someone else, or if they emptied your bank account. Lacking any moral compass, they don’t feel remorse for lying. It is a means to your end.
#6 They switch stories mid-stream without even skipping a beat. Pathological liars are expert at thinking on their feet. Most of us, when caught lying, stumble, blush a little, and struggle to find our way out of the hole that we just dug for ourselves. Pathological liars are different.
They twist and turn mid-sentence without skipping a beat, which leaves anyone dealing with them thinking “Clearly, I must be mistaken.”
#7 They have a way out and excuse for everything. An expert at lying has an excuse for everything. Almost like a full-time job, they cover their tracks no matter what happens. Their brains are hardwired differently than the regular person.
Able to go off on tangents and find an excuse valid in the recesses of their mind, it truly is masterful. While the rest of us duck and weave when caught in a lie, the pathological liar has their do-over front and center and on demand. [Read: How to overcome self-doubt]
#8 They are very good at covering their tracks. A whole lot of time is spent and wasted on covering a liar’s tracks. They have a master plan that goes from start to finish. If they lied about something, you best be sure they covered it up, found a witness, or a loophole.
There are very few ways to break the pathological liar’s web of lies. Like a spider, they lie in wait to sting.
#9 If you question them they make you feel bad for doing so. The best thing that the pathological liar is good at is manipulation. If you call them out, and they can’t account for the lie, or just want to shut you down altogether, they make you feel ashamed and embarrassed for questioning their integrity.
For someone who makes lying a living, calling them out is tantamount to taking them down. They will not stand for that. They strike to set you off balance and make you look like the jerk for not just following along. [Read: 16 signs a narcissist is using and abusing you]
#10 They typically have an underlying personality disorder that gives them the propensity to be lax with the truth. Being a pathological liar is typically the least of their worries. Usually, when someone can’t stick to the truth, there is an underlying personality problem there.
#11 They lie because it is a control thing. You don’t own them. They don’t owe you anything. Why should they have to tell you the truth? Lying is a very powerful and controlling thing. Having you believe something that isn’t true, is like saying you aren’t going to put a GPS on me. Fuck you.
#12 They never take responsibility. I am rubber you are glue, what bounces off of me sticks to you. If you are with a pathological liar, they will never, wait… did I say never, because I meant NEVER, take responsibility for anything. Their actions, their behaviors, their lies. They are either your fault or someone else’s. They have an uncanny way of making sure that nothing “sticks.” [Read: 15 ways to spot selfish people and stop them from hurting you]
#13 They destroy every relationship they are in. If you are with a pathological liar, what you will find out quickly is they don’t have many long-term friends or relationships. You can’t trust people who lie all the time.
And, although they might be good at what they do, when you get close to them, you eventually see their manipulation and ugliness. If you are in a relationship with someone without quality friendships and their past relationships all ended in disaster, think about what goes on in their life.
#14 They have no remorse. The pathological liar watches you cry and lose your ever loving mind, and it doesn’t affect them.
#15 They take your security. In a relationship, you expect to love and be loved in return. They turn out to sit on a bed of lies and makes you question humanity and all the things you thought people were capable of.
When you love someone who blatantly lies to your face without feeling bad, it makes you question your judgement in all things. But, remember it isn’t you.
Pathological liars are people who can’t seem to tell the truth and don’t feel the least bit sorry when they lie. Usually, a symptom of some other personality defect lurking beneath, don’t let them make you question you.
Most importantly, don’t let them change the way that you see other people in your life. It is easy to develop trust issues when you love someone you can’t believe, but it is on them, not you.