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Bros Before Hoes: What It Means & Why This Needs to Be Put to Rest

We’ve all heard “bros before hoes,” but perhaps it’s time to lay it to rest. Problematic language simply fuels the fire. Let’s explain why. 

bros before hoes

It’s a universal truth that friends are important to guys. In fact, they’re sometimes even more important than family for them. So it’s safe to say that they’ll usually come first in regards to being in a relationship with someone new, for a short while at least. But we think the whole mentality behind bros before hoes has got to go.

We understand that your friends are important to you, and you hold them near and dear. However, if you take bros before hoes and put it into effect literally, you’re going to run into a lot of problems.

Also, the language is pretty derogatory too, don’t you think?

[Read: The right priority in your relationship – How to find and focus on it]

What does ‘bros before hoes’ actually mean?

If you’re not aware of this rather outdated saying, firstly, where have you been? But, let’s break it down so you can understand fully. Then, you will be able to take on board why the whole bros before hoes deal has to stop.

The saying basically means that guys will put their friends before a girl they’re dating. This normally means at the start of a relationship, so when things aren’t totally serious yet.

But, some guys take it to extremes and go by this saying when things are established, and even if a relationship has been going for years.

Firstly, the word ‘hoes’ is pretty awful, don’t you think? But secondly, it could also be that their priorities are totally wrong too. Making time for your friends is one thing, but always putting them first regardless of the situation? That’s problematic. [Read: 13 signs your friends are ruining your relationship without you realizing it]

It’s important to make time for friends while dating

One mistake a lot of us make early on in our dating years is forgetting about our friends when we have a new significant other. Yes, it’s great to spend a lot of time with your new boyfriend or girlfriend, and love up on them all you can, but it’s also important to remember to make time for your friends.

Too often, we get caught up in our relationship and dismiss our friends entirely. We have to remember to make time for them and balance our social lives so we don’t end up making either our friends – or our significant others – angry at us.

Of course, we also need to remember that not all relationships last. If you end up spending too much time with your new beau and things go wrong, your friends might be ready with the “I told you so,” or perhaps give you the cold shoulder entirely. [Read: When your best friend ignores you – The Whys and the Ways to fix it]

But, bros before hoes is totally out of balance

While it’s super important to keep your friendships while you’re in a new relationship, you can’t just make them a priority over your new love interest. There are a lot of reasons the whole mentality behind bros before hoes is harmful to not only a new relationship but to your psyche, too.

If you’re wondering why we’re aiming to get rid of this bro mentality, let’s make it plain and simple for you. These are all the reasons to put an end to the saying, bros before hoes, for good. [Read: Madly in love – How to balance your life when you’ve fallen hard]

1. Your relationship isn’t first priority

We can all agree that a relationship should be really important in your life. And while it may not be first priority while you begin dating and are new to each other, it should definitely be a priority once things are made official.

So, if you keep the bros before hoes mentality after you’re officially together, you’ll run into problems. If you want to build a life with someone, they’re first, and your bros will have to understand. If they can’t, well, they’re not really bros in the first place, are they? [Read: 15 rules to be a really good partner in your relationship]

2. It shows wrong intentions

Nobody wants to get with a new guy and then hear that they strongly believe in bros before hoes. It’s off-putting, and quite frankly, it’s nearly impossible for a girl to take you seriously if you say something like this early on.

Why? Because we don’t want to feel like we’re just going to get ditched or sidelined because your bros called you out when we have plans. We don’t want to go into a relationship knowing that we’re not important. [Read: 15 things immature men do and why all girls avoid them]

3. It makes it okay to ditch your girl

If you use the excuse, bros before hoes, as a means to get out of doing whatever it is you and your girl planned, then it’s a problem. The biggest issue with this phrase being taken literally is that it makes you think it’s okay to ditch your girl.

If you think that it can get you out of your plans, you have another thing coming. Sure, if your friend is in dire need of you and it’s an emergency, you can explain it and we’re sure your girlfriend will understand.

But if you say, bros before hoes with a shrug while you saunter out the door, be prepared for hell to break loose when you get back. [Read: What to do when a guy’s friends are a bad influence on his life]

4. It makes your new lover feel left out

She wants to be important in your life. All people who are in a relationship *who actually want to be there* want to feel important to their significant other.

If you use this phrase and take it literally, she’s going to feel left out and separated. When bringing a girlfriend into your life, you have to bring her into all parts of your life – including your friends’ lives. If you keep it separated like that, she’ll never feel fully with you – which can pose many problems.

5. You’re telling her she’s not important

Basically, you’re yelling loud and clear that she’s not important to you. Sure, you may not mean it in that way. You may just mean that your friends mean a lot to you, and if there’s something they need, you’ll be there.

But that’s not what your girl is hearing. By saying bros before hoes, you’re telling her that no matter what, she’s on the back burner. You’re saying that your friends will be your main priority, no matter what. [Read: 23 things girls wish guys knew about a girl’s mind]

6. It causes you to ignore her concerns when it’s about your friends

This can be a HUGE problem in relationships. If you ignore a problem your girlfriend has, it will fester until she just about explodes. You hear all the time about guys complaining because their girlfriend just went off.

Well, ignoring their concerns is usually why it happens. If you have the mentality of bros before hoes, you will dismiss any and all concerns she has about your friends – especially the valid ones. [Read: Fellas, this is why you’ve never had a serious girlfriend]

7. It fosters unrealistic expectations

If you really think that bros before hoes will always be something you aspire to achieve, you’re wrong.

If you think a relationship can possibly survive under those expectations, you’re wrong. There has to be a fair balance otherwise the relationship is doomed to fail, and you might end up resenting your friends because of it.

8. It causes a world of stress

Who wants to purposely add stress to their life? We don’t! But guys do it all the time when they proclaim that bros before hoes is how they want to live their life. Why is that so stressful, you ask?

Because you’re setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. When your friends think you’re going to be there for them, and you end up being busy with your girl, they’re going to be pissed and call you a liar. That’s stressful for you. When your girlfriend is annoyed because you missed plans for something going on with your friend, that’s stressful too. [Read: How to be a good boyfriend – 33 traits that make you the best ever]

9. It stops your relationship from progressing

This is a major reason to stop using this phrase. If you’re looking to meet someone, someone to grow old with for real and you’re not just messing around, then using bros before hoes will stop your relationship from ever advancing.

When you’re putting them first, you have no time to put in the effort to grow and nurture your relationship.

10. It’s outdated

This is plain and simple. Back in the day, this phrase was a joke and was used to emphasize a guy’s relationship with their friends. It was also used as a means to make a guy feel better when things didn’t work out.

They could just proclaim they were over it because… bros before hoes! It’s not even relevant anymore. It doesn’t make sense, and therefore, you should stop using it.

11. Calling your girlfriend a ‘hoe’ is pretty disrespectful

We really need to learn to stop using language that is problematic in society. Calling your girlfriend a hoe is nothing short of disrespectful. You’re implying that every woman you come across is a hoe. We all know that the word ‘hoe’ doesn’t mean anything good. [Read: How to set boundaries with friends without hurting or insulting them]

Even with all the reasons we’ve talked about as to why this saying needs to be ditched, perhaps the way it makes your girlfriend feel language-wise is the most important.

Show her some respect – make time for her, make her a priority, and stop calling her something so negative and derogatory, even if you don’t mean it that way. [Read: How to respect a woman – We’re so glad you want to know this today]

Balance is important in a relationship

There is more than enough room in your life for your friends, family, and your partner. You don’t have to save more time for anyone else just because of some outdated saying.

For sure, if someone in your life needs you desperately, drop everything and go. Explain why first, but go. However, if it’s not an emergency, you need to keep a sense of balance. [Read: 16 secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]

Your friends need a certain amount of your time, but so does your girlfriend. When it’s not balanced, when it’s far more towards one side than the other, you’re going to have problems. Someone will always be complaining.

Trust us, if you want a happy life, make sure that everything is balanced you’ll have the best of both worlds.  

[Read: How to make your girlfriend feel special – 20 gestures that make anyone feel loved]

No matter how important your friends are to you, bros before hoes should never be your life motto. You’ll never be able to nurture a healthy relationship if you use this phrase to justify your life.

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...