The no contact phase is designed with healing and personal growth in mind. I’ve seen countless couples break up, go through the no contact phase, and get back together at the end of it. They realized their mistakes and learned from them. It is interesting to look at the differences between the male and female mind during the no contact phase.
Don’t cheat yourself out of the no contact phase. Allow yourself the time to sit back and really reflect, away from the acute emotions that you’re sure to feel at the end of any relationship.
Why you need the no contact phase?
We’ve all been there, the relationship ends. You know you shouldn’t speak to your ex for a while, if ever again. Whether you were the one dumping or the dumpee, this no contact phase is hard. When you’re so used to speaking to someone every single day, you feel bereaved for a time.
[Read: How to emotionally detach when you have no other choice]
Learning how to deal with the end of a relationship in a healthy way involves the no contact phase. Sit on your phone, turn it off, block their number for a time, give your phone to a friend. Do whatever you need to do, but DO NOT contact them!
You might be wondering why this no contact business is actually needed, and if you want to speak to someone, surely you should? In most situations in life that would be true, but at the end of a relationship, there needs to be a cooling off period for both parties.
If you’re texting and talking during this period, how are you supposed to cool off? You’ll just end up riled up, stressed, and upset again, and that’s not the point of this transitional time. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]
The male and female mind during the no contact phase
In some cases, the couple never gets back together. In some cases they do, and it doesn’t last. You’ll never know beforehand, but the no contact phase is a definite must if you want to gain some clarity on what to do next.
Men and women are different in terms of how they think. Yes, every single person is different. We shouldn’t lump them into gender stereotypes, but overall, there are some common thought patterns that can be useful to know about beforehand. You might think this is one huge generalization, but bear with me. You might learn something new!
The woman during the no contact phase
Generally speaking *again, generally*, the woman will be the most emotional of the two at the start, but this will change as the no contact phase goes on. She is likely to find it harder to not contact her ex at this point. It’s also likely that a friend will need to stage an intervention and stop her from sending messages that she may otherwise regret.
It’s completely natural to want to continue talking and carry on the conversation, because this is a way of maintaining the connection. Unless you really, really wanted the relationship to end, not speaking isn’t going to be something you’re keen to go through. It’s necessary if you want to be able to grow and learn, whether you choose to fix the relationship or not.
[Read: Questions to ask yourself to find out if you should date your ex again]
The likelihood of the woman actually caving in and breaking the no contact rule is surprisingly low. She will want to. In fact, she will desperately want to but does her best to avoid giving in. Why? Because most of the time, the woman understands the reason behind this time apart.
It’s also likely that if she didn’t end the relationship, she will see this no contact phase as a possible way to rekindle the relationship. In most cases, this does actually work!
So, in this case, the biggest difference between the male and female mind during the no contact phase is that she will desperately want to speak, but probably won’t. As time goes on, she will grow stronger, as she gains some more control over her emotions. By the end of the no contact phase *if there is a prescribed amount of time*, it’s likely that she will be colder and stronger overall, compared to the man. [Read: Is the no contact rule a powerful gamble to get your ex to like you?]
The man during the no contact phase
Again, I’m being general. But, a man is likely to deal with the no contact phase better at the start and will miss his ex more as time goes on. Most men want to know what their ex is up to and whether they want them back or not.
There is some kind of inherent male pride which causes a man to want to know whether or not his ex is seeing someone else, out partying with their friends, and, above all else, whether they miss them or not. This will come out in the end, but probably not at the start.
The male mindset at the onset is to enjoy their freedom. It sounds terrible, but it’s often what occurs. That’s not to say he’s sleeping with someone new, and in most cases that won’t happen. What is more likely is that he will gather a group of friends and go out and enjoy ‘man time.’
Yes, it sounds childish and it is, but that is one of the male mind’s ways of dealing with a break up and no contact phase. Will he enjoy it? To be honest, yes. At first he will enjoy the no contact because it means he doesn’t have to sit back and think about what’s gone on, but that will change pretty quickly.
Men grieve the end of a relationship just as much as women do. They just do it in a different way and probably not quite so visibly. While a woman is more likely to cry and talk, a man will keep quiet and use other ways, e.g. going out and playing sports *again, generalization* to deal with the emotions inside. [Read: The 13 essentials you need to get over someone fast]
The biggest difference most ex-couples encounter
The biggest difference between the male and female mind during the no contact phase is timing. They will both miss each other. It’s just that the female is likely to go through it immediately. Whereas the man reaches this stage a little later. Either way, the pain is the same, it’s just the way it is dealt with which makes it different.
Within all of this you have the risk of misunderstanding. When you’re in the middle of a break up, you don’t have the clarity of mind to know that someone might deal with things differently to you.
A woman might see her ex going on with their life perfectly fine, while she might be falling apart inside. What she doesn’t realize is that he’s holding it together right now, but it won’t last. Similarly, the guy may then wonder why in a few weeks his ex is smiling and looking stronger, but he’s wondering if they made a huge mistake.
[Read: Mars and Venus? The obvious gender differences in communication]
The male and female mind during the no contact phase is very different. While it’s all very well and good to talk about it with a clear mind, in the heat of a break up, huge misunderstandings can occur.
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