21 Secrets to Get Closer to Your Crush & Get Them VERY Interested in You!

Having a crush is both terrifying and exciting. The possibilities are endless! Not sure how to get closer to your crush? Read on!

how to get closer to your crush and get to know them

Remember that time you were scrolling through Instagram, and there they were, your crush looking irresistibly cute in their latest selfie? Your thumb froze, your heart did a mini samba dance, and your brain went into a brainstorming session: how to get closer to your crush without making it painfully obvious.

Ah, crushes, nature’s way of reminding us that human emotions are more complicated than the plot of Inception.

This feature is your no-nonsense playbook, a guide overflowing with actionable tips based on psychological research, to get you from ‘Who, me?’ to ‘Oh, we’re just hanging out’ in no time!

Why Do Crushes Happen?

Before we dive into the juicy stuff about how to get closer to your crush, let’s talk about why crushes happen in the first place.

After all, knowledge is power, right? Knowing the why can help you with the how, or at least it makes for great conversation during awkward silences.

1. Dopamine & Serotonin

So, you know that feeling when you see a text from your crush and suddenly the world seems like a better place? Yep, thank your brain for that, specifically dopamine and serotonin.

These are the feel-good chemicals that flood your brain and make everything seem all shiny and happy. It’s like the ‘swipe right’ moment, but in your head.

In psychology circles, this whole phenomenon is called the Reward Circuit. Get to know these neurotransmitters because they’re the VIPs in the club of ‘how to get closer to your crush.’ [Read: What is dopamine? The dopest pleasure pill inside of you]

2. The Halo Effect

Ever noticed how everything your crush does seems utterly amazing? Even if they’re just tying their shoelaces, it’s like, ‘Wow, such skill, much grace!’

What you’re experiencing is the Halo Effect. This isn’t some supernatural force, it’s just your brain putting on rose-colored glasses.

In simple terms, when you’re attracted to someone, you’re more likely to view them in a favorable light, often ignoring their flaws.

It’s a psychological bias that makes you think they’re as close to perfect as that slice of pizza after a long day.

The Obstacles: What’s Keeping You Away from Your Crush

Alright, you’re armed with the why, so let’s explore the ‘why not?’ What’s stopping you from achieving that high score in the game of how to get closer to your crush?

Is it just bad timing or something deeper? Let’s confront the obstacles, so they stop playing ‘keep away’ with your love life.

1. Social Circles

Let’s say you’re the artsy type, always at gallery openings, and your crush is a fitness junkie, always at the gym. Different worlds, right?

Social circles can sometimes act like an invisible fence between you and your crush. Psychologically speaking, this taps into Social Identity Theory, which is all about how we classify ourselves and others into groups.

Recognizing this can help you strategize ways to mingle your worlds or, at the very least, get you an invite to that gym class you’ve been curiously eyeing.

2. Fear of Rejection

The biggest showstopper in any love story is the fear of rejection. You’d think we’d be used to it, given the number of times we get rejected by Wi-Fi networks, but alas, here we are.

This fear often stems from the amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for emotions and, well, freaking out. Understanding the role of the amygdala can help you better navigate these fears.

In fact, psychologists refer to it as the fight or flight response. But in this case, let’s aim for neither fighting nor flighting when figuring out how to get closer to your crush. The key is exposure; the more you interact, the less daunting they become. [Read: 36 healthy ways to handle rejection & respond positively even if it hurts]

The Best Ways to Get Closer to Your Crush Casually

Now that we’ve navigated through the why and the why-not, let’s cut to the chase. You’re here to find out how to get closer to your crush without a Ph.D. in Loveology.

Well, guess what? Psychology has got your back, and we’re about to drop some science-backed gems that you can actually use.

1. Do Small Favors

Ever noticed how you’re more likely to say yes to someone who’s done something for you? That’s the Reciprocity Principle at work, also known as the Benjamin Franklin Effect.

A little favor here, a small gesture there, and voila—you’re in their good books. It’s psychologically proven to forge a bond. [Read: How to text your crush and 44 things to say to get them really interested]

2. Mimic Body Language

You don’t need to be a mime artist for this. Simply pay attention to their body language and subtly mirror it.

When you subtly mimic someone’s body language, you’re actually sending subconscious signals that create a sense of familiarity and trust.

This is deeply rooted in our social psychology, mirroring essentially acts as a non-verbal handshake, saying, “Hey, we’re on the same wavelength here!”

It’s almost like tricking the brain into thinking it’s encountering a kindred spirit, which paves the way for more meaningful interactions. So go ahead, mirror away—but subtlety is key. No one likes a copycat, after all! [Read: Body language attraction: 58 male & female signs and how to read & use them]

3. Make Them Feel Good *Through Compliments*

Everyone loves a compliment. Don’t you feel good when you get one? Psychology calls this Reinforcement Theory, which is just a fancy way of saying ‘people like stuff that makes them feel good.’

So, keep those conversations light and affirming, and watch how they gravitate towards you.

4. Group Hangouts & Activities

Shared experiences like a group hike aren’t just fun, they’re a biochemically-certified way to grow closer to someone.

The psychology behind this is beautifully straightforward: Doing activities together amplifies shared emotional states.

And when you share a physical or emotional challenge—like hiking up a mountain—you’re giving your brain a solid reason to pump out oxytocin. You know, the neurochemical Cupid shooting arrows in your brain!

And here’s the cherry on top: When you’re in a group, the social pressure is diffused. You both can interact in a more relaxed manner, making genuine connections without the high stakes of a one-on-one setting.

So you get the double benefit—a surge in bonding hormones and a laid-back social context to let your true self shine.

5. Open Up Gradually

Open up gradually, and you’ll find yourselves taking a shortcut to connection-town—population: you two! This is Social Penetration Theory at its finest.

You see, we all have layers, like emotional onions. You don’t want to expose your core all at once; you peel back layer by layer.

Today, it’s which Netflix series you’re binge-watching, and then maybe tomorrow, you’re diving into your secret aspirations to become a world champion at thumb wrestling.

And oh boy, let us spill some more psychological tea for you: Sharing something and saying, “I don’t usually tell people this,” boosts the exclusivity of the relationship.

You’re basically giving your crush VIP access to Club You. This not only makes them feel special but also generates what psychologists call “Reciprocity of Liking.”

That’s a fancy way of saying when you share something personal, the other person is more likely to return the favor. The end result? You both end up feeling closer, all thanks to this beautifully orchestrated psychological dance. [Read: Reasons why we’re afraid to open up to people & steps to overcome it]

6. Eye Contact

Eyes are windows to the soul and billboards for your emotions, am I right? A well-placed glance is worth a thousand emojis, and it’s not just some poetic malarkey—it’s psychology, baby!

Eye contact creates an intimate connection that texts or DMs just can’t match.

But hold your horses, we’re not talking about a soul-piercing stare that would make even a statue uncomfortable.

It’s all about the “Triangle Technique.” Yep, this is Eye Contact 2.0, folks!

The Triangle Technique involves looking from one eye to the other, and then down to the mouth, forming an imaginary triangle.

This creates an effect that’s intimate without being creepy, flirty without being overt, and did I mention it’s a super-secret agent-level move to gauge interest? If they start doing it back, you’re in the connection zone. [Read: Prolonged eye contact when flirting: What it means & how to do it]

7. The Power of Humor

Who doesn’t love a good laugh? Psychologically, humor breaks down barriers and promotes a sense of ease.

So, next time you’re pondering topics of conversation, remember that a shared laugh could be a stepping stone in how to get closer to your crush. [Read: How to be funny: 28 must-know tips to make everyone love your humor]

8. Foot-in-the-Door Technique

Think of this as the gateway to bigger things. Ask for something small at first—a pencil, a quick opinion on a song—then move on to larger requests.

Psychologists call this the ‘Foot-in-the-Door Technique,’ and it’s essentially a low-key way to build compliance.

Yep, you’re inviting them to say ‘yes’ more often, which is one way to get closer to your crush.

9. Limit Options

Ever been paralyzed by a menu with too many options? The same goes for interactions. When suggesting a hangout, give two options, not ten.

This taps into the Paradox of Choice, where fewer options make it easier to decide. Less is more, especially in how to get closer to your crush.”

10. Keep Your Friends Close, and Your Crush Closer

Out of sight can mean out of mind, so aim to keep things local. Attend events you know they’ll be at, or choose hangout spots that are convenient for both of you.

This uses the Proximity Principle from psychology; the closer you are in physical space, the more likely a deeper relationship will form.

11. The Zeigarnik Effect

Here’s how it rolls: you drop an interesting tidbit or start a riveting story but leave it hanging. Maybe you say something like, “You’ll never guess what happened at work today, but oh, let’s save it for next time!”

The Zeigarnik Effect kicks in, ensuring that the unfinished tale sticks around in their mental to-do list. Your crush will be like a Netflix series watcher desperate for the next season. You become the mental sticky note they can’t ignore!

This technique plays with human curiosity and ensures that you’re on their mind long after the conversation has ended.

Plus, it sets the stage for a future conversation where you can finally give ’em the goods. Consider this a psychological “To Be Continued…” in your playbook on how to get closer to your crush.

12. Let Your Guard Down *Safely*

We can’t talk about getting closer without mentioning vulnerability. In psychology, this is associated with the concept of emotional intelligence, and it involves sharing aspects of yourself that aren’t surface-level.

But remember, safety first—only do this when you feel it’s the right time and setting, and that your crush is trustworthy.


Here’s the final kicker: Sometimes, you’ve just got to shoot your shot. All the psychological tips and hacks are your training wheels, but at some point, you’ve got to ride solo.

Whether it’s asking them out for coffee or finally sending that text you’ve been agonizing over, seize the moment. so go ahead, take a deep breath, and make your move.

After all, the worst thing they can say is ‘no,’ but the best? Well, that’s why you read this guide on how to get closer to your crush, isn’t it? [Read: How to approach your crush: Get noticed & impress them all at once]

When Things Don’t Go as Planned

We’ve given you the psychological lowdown on how to get closer to your crush, but let’s keep it real: Not every crush turns into a Nicholas Sparks novel. Here’s how to navigate the emotional roller coaster when things don’t go as planned, without resorting to binge-watching sad movies and downing ice cream—unless you really want to, of course.

1. It’s Okay to Feel Conflicted

Let’s say you’ve done everything ‘right,’ but it still doesn’t work out. That’s a cocktail of ick, and you might find yourself both relieved and devastated.

Don’t sweat it; it’s totally natural to feel this way when things don’t go as you’d hoped in your quest to get closer to your crush.

2. Emotionally Detach

If you find yourself stuck in the ‘what could have been,’ it might be time to emotionally detach. That’s a fancy way of saying, ‘Move on, buddy.’ Easier said than done, right?

Take up new activities, focus on your self-growth, or just spend quality time with people who make you feel good. [Read: 32 Truths to emotionally detach from someone & not feel hurt anymore]

3. Embrace Reality

Sometimes, the best way to deal with disappointment is to fully accept it. This is a principle borrowed from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, but don’t let that scare you.

The idea is to stop fighting reality so you can focus on actions that improve your emotional state.

4. Remember Your Time is Valuable

Think of this as a reality check from Economics 101. If you’re investing too much time in a crush that’s going nowhere, you’re missing out on other opportunities.

Remember, You’re Awesome Too!

Alright, you’re armed with enough psychological hacks to make even Freud swipe right. Now, it’s your turn to take the wheel.

Your homework? Just take one tiny, manageable step today toward getting closer to that heartthrob. Text them. Smile when your eyes meet. Ask them how their day is going. Seriously, just do something.

And hey, remember—you’re a catch! Seriously, you’re awesome. Don’t let the ups and downs of crushing on someone make you forget that.

[Read: 31 secrets to make someone fall in love with you and WHY this works so well!]

Keep it light, keep it fun, and above all, keep being you. You’ve got this guide on how to get closer to your crush, but don’t forget that you’ve also got something even more important: your incredible self. Now, go get ‘em, Tiger!

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...