Even though online dating is easy and fun, some people just aren’t meant for the fast-paced and overwhelming connections they encounter.
Online dating is inarguably an easy way to find a mate, but there’s still no guarantee that it’s more successful than organic dating. If you look at the numbers studied and generated by various online dating sites, the probability of finding your true love turns out to be just as likely as it is in real life.
Even if that were true, online dating can still provide people with a means to explore a wider dating pool. Your choices are increased geographically, socially, and even culturally. You don’t have to settle for your mom’s friend’s nephew or the creepy guy who keeps eyeing you at the coffee shop downtown. You can literally generate a person that you would actually be interested in!
Then why is it that some people are finding it hard to adapt to this new system? Why do they feel that meeting eligible people online isn’t working for them? There are many factors that can contribute to this, but we are here to discuss the general facts that tell us why some people are not fit for online dating.
Why do people use online dating?
For one thing, it exists, so why not try it? Some people prefer it to real world dating, because it gives them more options. It also speeds up the process of weeding out the ones you don’t like. At this rate, you can reject the ones you don’t expect to be attracted to without having to waste time on several dates.
Aside from that, people are generally picky. They want certain things, and it’s not that easy to find those in real life. By using online dating, they can choose a specific type of person based on their appearance, personality and interests.
Some people use online dating for the sole purpose of finding people to hook up with. This is more prevalent than most people think. For every person who wants to be in a relationship, there are ten more who just want to have one-night stands or establish friends-with-benefits relationships. [Read: 10 worst people to have a one night stand with]
There are others who use online dating for networking purposes as well. They combine business with pleasure and are not as interested in relationships and hooking up. Basically, online dating is just a micromanagable version of real world dating. So, why is it still difficult for some people?
Why online dating isn’t for some people
Aside from the fact that you’re basically going to date a total stranger, online dating can open you up to a slew of unfavorable circumstances. These instances don’t necessarily happen to people when dating someone they met organically. That is why it can be difficult for some people to adjust to the idea of online dating.
#1 You are too concerned about what other people think. You won’t succeed in online dating if you care too much about the fact that a lot of people don’t accept the idea of online dating. You won’t be comfy. You’ll try your best to hide it, and you won’t enjoy what you’re doing. Online dating is a thing now. Everyone should just get over it.
#2 You’re not ready for a relationship. If hooking up is your goal, then go ahead and try it. But if you want a relationship when you’re not in the right state of mind *i.e. you’re insecure, you have baggage, you’re not over an ex, etc.*, you’ll only end up hurting the ones who are really ready to find someone to love. [Read: 16 signs you’re not ready for a serious relationship]
#3 You’re doing this for the wrong reasons. Are you looking to get a free dinner? Do you want someone to tell you you’re pretty? Do you want to brag to your friends about the number of women you hooked? If your reasons are not related to finding a partner, take a look at yourself and ask the question, “Why do I need to do this?”
#4 You’re irresponsible. Online dating is tricky, because you have to be safe and know how to take care of yourself in case things go wrong. If you’re the type of person who has no concerns over safety, date someone from your own circle of friends. That way, you at least have an idea of who you’re seeing and know that they’re accountable for your safety and well-being.
#5 You don’t learn from your mistakes. Online dating is one big trial-and-error dating experiment. It’s not that different from real life, but the amount of mistakes you can make is significantly higher than what you’re used to. If you pull the same unattractive stunts again and again, you’ll find yourself floating in online dating limbo for a very long time.
#6 You find it difficult to gauge a person’s sincerity. Online dating is full of liars and pretenders. If you don’t know how to spot one, you will end up with more failed dates than a married person wearing their ring during speed dating.
#7 You can’t stand people who flake out on you. People who use online dating have more freedom than the ones you meet offline. They can leave you hanging at any minute and not be held accountable, because they are just remnants of their online profile. It will happen eventually, and you have to be ready and willing to accept that fact.
#8 You’re too shy. In order to succeed at online dating, you have to be willing to put yourself out there. It’s not just when you finally see each other. You have to make an effort to approach people through messages. [Read: 19 dating tips and tricks for introverts]
#9 You’re impatient. You’re not talking to people over a cup of coffee. You cannot expect an immediate reply, especially if they are busy or talking to someone else. If you can’t handle that, then you need to find a dating method that can keep up with your impatience.
#10 You don’t want to meet them offline. What is the point of using online dating when you have no plans of actually pushing forward and meeting your prospective date offline? We can understand that you might want to take some time to get to know a person, but to never actually meet them is just a waste of their time.
#11 You don’t want to reveal anything about yourself. When you choose to date online, you are essentially taking steps to build a relationship with someone. If you don’t want to tell them anything about yourself, there’s not much point in continuing a vague conversation, because there are others out there who are willing to share their lives with people they can connect with.
#12 You’re too negative. Online dating is built on positive expectations. If you want to succeed, you can’t expect to fail. It will happen, but you won’t see any positive results if you’re going to expect it to fail every time you go out on a date. [Read: Is your negative thinking ruining your life?]
#13 You think online dating is a joke. Why try it if you’re not going to take it seriously? You’re just increasing the pool of lost causes and useless profiles. Do everyone else a favor and leave the site or app you’re using, so the people there can find someone who actually wants to be in a relationship.
It’s hard for some people to try something new, but it can also be a way for them to discover new things about themselves. Online dating allows people to explore new situations and meet interesting people. If you’re the type of person who doesn’t see the beauty in that, then please go ahead and wait for serendipity to happen.
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Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...