In life, there are two types of players and the signs to look out for – the signs of a regular player and the signs of an online dating player. If you’re unlucky, you might meet a combination of the two. Dating isn’t easy at the best of times, so how can you be sure that the guy or girl you’ve just met isn’t playing you and several others at the same time?
Whether you met them online or not, a person may also be living a double life via their social media pages. While sites like Facebook and Instagram have opened the world up and given us amazing opportunities to connect with likeminded people, there are people who use that benefit for negative reasons.
Enter the online dating player.
They will have a regular life, perhaps a relationship, or be openly dating, but they will also be flirting up a storm online with several others too. They view this as not at all harmful, because it’s virtual, right? That means it doesn’t count. Erm, yes it does.
[Read: The easiest ways to spot liars in an online dating website]
An online dating player is just as dangerous for your feelings as a regular player, and needs to be avoided at all costs.
There are a couple of situations here. You might have met someone in person and concerned about their online activity, or you met them online and you’re not sure if it’s just you in the picture or several others. Either way, here are 15 signs of an online dating player to watch for.
[Read: 10 ingenious ways to beat a play who’s playing you]
15 signs of an online dating player to help you stay away from the wrong sort
If you notice one or two of these signs, don’t jump to conclusions straightaway. But if you notice more than two, it’s time to seriously consider whether you are in fact in the company of a Mr. or Ms. online dating player.
#1 They come on very strong and quickly when talking online. There is no reason to meet someone, then suddenly tell them how much you adore them and how amazing they are. For most people, this is a process which takes time. If you’ve met someone online and they hit the strong button from the get-go, ask yourself why.
In the case of an online dating player, this is a game. They love the rush of speaking to someone and the hit that getting attention brings. Of course, it could be that they’re just quite forward in general. Most men and women don’t jump into a relationship feet first quite that quickly. [Read: Too good to be true? How to tell if you’re dating a phony]
#2 They take a long time to reply to your message when they’re showing online. If you’re speaking to someone online on a regular basis and they take a long time to reply to your message despite showing online, you need to wonder who else they’re talking to. Yes, it could be their friends. It could be their sister. If it happens a lot, it’s unlikely to be an innocent reason.
#3 They have more than one profile. Ah, the number one sign of an online dating player! If they have one profile on Instagram, one on Facebook, one on Twitter, etc, that’s fine, that’s normal, no problem. However, if you notice they have more than one profile on one social media platform, why? Do they have one for their friends, family, significant other, and then another for their flirting endeavors?
#4 They’re active on Tinder. If you’re seeing someone, e.g. in the first flourishes of a relationship, the grey area takes over in regards to Tinder. The thing is, they shouldn’t be active. If you notice that they’re active, then you need to question why. Is this one of the biggest signs of an online dating player? Hell, yes! They’re either talking to many people at one time, or they simply love the rush of being matched. Either way, it’s not right. [Read: How to know if someone is on Tinder and dating on at the same time]
#5 Their friends are all one gender. You do need to approach with a little caution on this one, because it could be a genuine situation. If you look at their friends list *if accessible*, and you see that all their friends are men, or women, the chances are that this is not a coincidence. Most people have a mixture: friends, work colleagues, family, etc., and not just one gender. If you see this, it’s a huge red flag.
#6 They tell you they’re ‘open’ to the possibility of a relationship. Only ‘open’? Does this mean they want to play around with other people? Does it mean they’re scared of commitment? Approach with caution if you see this particular line cropping up.
Of course, at the start of a chat, nobody is going to tell you that they want to get married or even want a relationship. They might be worried about scaring you off. But, this is a classic line that basically spreads the net far and wide – classic online dating player territory! [Read: He won’t commit, but he won’t let go either? Here’s what you need to do]
#7 They only message late at night. Unless you know for a fact that they work all day with no opportunity to use their phone, late night messages are a red flag too. In this case, they’re bored and looking for an online booty call. Sad but true.
#8 They openly talk about sex without really knowing you. In reality, it takes a while for two people to approach the subject of sex directly. If you’ve met someone online and they’re suddenly talking to you very openly about doing the deed, then you’re looking at one of the signs of an online dating player. In reality, nobody who’s looking for someone serious would be that forward unless they were only after one thing, sadly.
#9 They ask for pictures and not a selfie. Come on, how many of you have met someone online and thought it was going well, only to feel that swell of disappointment when you get the ‘send me a pic’ message. And it was all going so well! Unfortunately, this is one of those messages that should have you thinking twice. It’s classic online dating player ground.
#10 They keep names generic, e.g. babe or baby. Most of us have pet names for those we’re dating, but despite the fact your name is clearly displayed on your social media profile, they constantly call you by a generic name. The chances are that is because they don’t want to accidentally send the wrong message to the wrong person. They’re messaging that many people at one time! Can you imagine how messaging the name ‘John’ to ‘Mark’ would be a problem, or ‘Sarah’ to ‘Kirsty’? Player problems, indeed. [Read: What does baby mean when it comes from someone you like?]
#11 They don’t want a genuine conversation. If you can’t hold a real conversation with this person, and it always turns to compliments and sex talk, you’re unfortunately dealing with an online player who has no interest in how your day went.
#12 They have many pictures with many people or none at all. If your guy or girl has accessible photos on their social media profiles *not all will* then they’re likely to be a myriad of many different people, mainly of the same gender. It’s far more likely however that you won’t be able to access their photos, because of conflicts of interest, so to speak.
#13 Their profiles aren’t fully open. Unless they’re part of a secret organization or they’re a very important person, there’s really no reason for anyone to hide parts of their social media profiles to those they’re friends with. If you can’t see many different parts of their profile, they’re hiding their life. And you’re the online secret.
#14 They’re not interested in meeting family and friends. An online dating player will have no interest in meeting your family and friends, or you meeting theirs, because this is not serious to them. It is a game. They’re simply playing to what they think is the best of their ability. This should be a red flag and a clear sign this relationship is going nowhere. [Read: Why you should run if you see these early relationship red flags]
#15 They’re always online. This is probably the clearest sign of all. Most of us are online regularly. But if they are always online, ask yourself whether they’re actually working for Facebook/Instagram or really enjoying their time there.
[Read: Why online dating isn’t the best fit for everyone]
If you’re noticing many of these signs of an online dating player, unfortunately it’s time to hit the ‘block’ button and move on. The online world has given us many fantastic opportunities, and it’s allowed us to reach more people than ever before. Unfortunately, players see that as prime game territory, too.
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