Rebound relationships are perfect cures for heartbreak.
But to actually get over a relationship, you need to learn to accept the end.
Unless you learn to convince yourself that you need to move on, your thoughts about your ex will always linger on no matter how many new people you date or have sex with. [Read: 7 secret signs of a bad relationship]
Past relationships can affect your life forever
You may date someone new, but you’ll never be able to truly love them unless you let go of the illusion of love you’ve created around your ex. Your happy moments will never feel happy, and the minor arguments you have with your present lover will only make you want to get back with your ex even more, even though there’s no chance of that ever happening.
Remember, your ex and you broke up for a reason. There’s nothing you can do about it but move on. Fantasizing about it will only make you feel miserable and leave you unhappy, even if you’re in a relationship that’s far better than the one you’ve shared with your ex.
Signs your past relationship is holding you back
It’s alright to think fondly of your ex now and then. After all, you did share a lot of great moments with them. But unless you close the past chapter and start your present romance with a clean slate, you’ll never be able to move on. And the love that you experience with anyone else will never truly be love, because you’re still holding on to the love you have for someone else, someone who will never love you back again. [Read: The right way to talk about past relationships with your lover]
Are you still in love with your ex? Use these 10 signs to find out of your ex is ruining your present romance and any chances of a happier life.
#1 Comparisons. In your mind, do you constantly find yourself comparing every little detail of your new relationship with your past relationship? You have to understand that no relationship is ever the same. Instead of comparing how one relationship is better than the other, just learn to enjoy the present romance. After all, pros and cons never work in love, instincts and feelings do.
#2 Bumping into your ex. Do you imagine circumstances where you bump into your ex? Do you visualize how amazing it would feel or the way you’d tightly wrap your arms around your ex? If you dream of the happy conversations you’d have with each other or how the lingering touches would feel, you’re definitely still in love with you ex even if you feel otherwise.
#3 You talk about your ex. How often do you talk about you ex with your lover, your friends or even with yourself? Talking about exes is a way of keeping in touch with the memories. If someone else talks about your ex, that’s acceptable. But if you secretly look for ways to twist the conversation towards your ex, you definitely haven’t moved on yet. [Read: 13 signs your boyfriend’s not over his ex yet]
And just so you know, even bitching about your ex to your new lover is still your way of keeping in touch with your ex’s memory by comparing your relationships.
#4 You dream of your ex. Well, I’m not talking about literally dreaming of your ex here. Do you spend a lot of time now and then daydreaming about situations where you and your ex bump into each other and spend time together, at work or on a holiday or some other place?
If you fantasize about scenarios where you and your ex have to spend time together, or recreate a fantasy where both of you fall back into love, you definitely need to work on your moving-on skills.
#5 Dating with a vendetta. Are you dating someone new only to prove a point to your ex that you can find someone just as sexy and awesome as your ex *or even better*? It may be a good way to piss your ex off, but once the high of rubbing it on you ex’s face wears off, you’ll realize that you still have a soft spot for your ex. [Read: How to stop feeling jealous of your ex]
#6 Online research. Do you google your ex now and then? Digging the dirt on your ex once a year is completely fine, and once a month is safe but on the edge. But if you’re googling your ex at least once every week, you need to keep yourself distracted because you still seem to be obsessed with your ex.
And if you do find yourself looking at your ex’s facebook wall, twitter feed or blog every night, you need serious help. You are still deeply addicted to your ex and no matter how many people you date, your ex will always have your heart until you’re ready to move on. [Read: Things you should know before googling an ex]
#7 News of your ex. Are you excited by hearing any news about your ex, be it their new job or the new person they’re dating? Perhaps, you’re ready to move on but you’re still obsessed with your ex. Carry this on for a few months and you may just end up becoming a stalker!
#8 You want to have an affair. If you’ve considered having an affair with your ex or if you’re trying to convince your ex to have an affair with you, you know you haven’t moved on yet. Even thinking it is a sure sign that you’d be willing to give up your present relationship if your ex would give you a second chance. Do you really think you can ever be happy in a new relationship when all you want to do is look for ways to have sex with your ex? [Read: Ex sex – Getting back with an ex for sex]
#9 You fantasize about your ex. Do you secretly fantasize about your ex while having sex with your present lover? It may feel really good visualizing your ex naked in bed with you, but with thoughts like that, you’re only driving your mind further away from your current romance.
#10 You don’t want to move on. This is the scenario most lovers fall into. Even though the relationship is over, many of us never want to move on. We may date someone else, but deep inside, we still keep our ex close to our heart hoping that they may return one day, even if it takes years.
If you’ve never really tried to get over you ex, and secretly use your partner only to fill the void on your heart, you’ll never ever be able to move on, and you’ll never experience a relationship that can truly be fulfilling and blissful. [Read: How to let go of the one you love by hating them]
Learn to move on
You may still have a secret crush on your ex, or you may dream of getting back with them someday. But you know what, that may never happen.
The odds of dating an ex and having a successful relationship with them are very slim. The same problems will crop up all over again, and the same misery will follow. If you find yourself obsessing over your ex, learn to move on. You really have no other choice here. [Read: Questions to ask yourself before you consider dating an ex again]
Live in the present, and focus on improving the relationship you have with your present partner. By holding on to your past, you’ll be stuck in a miserable memory that will neither give you happiness or love, because everything you do and the world you create in your mind will only be a figment of your imagination. [Read: Signs your ex is thinking about you too]
It may take a while, but by letting go of your ex’s thoughts and avoiding ways to know more about your ex, you can move on and get over them completely. And only then can you truly experience the happiness of your current romance.
Use these signs to find out if your past relationship is still holding you back from having a perfectly happy new romance. And if you find yourself indulging in any of these signs, you need to understand that it’s time to let go and move on, to a better romance.
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Morgan Miller is a writer who lives in the Bay area, and suffers from an addiction to all things geeky and artsy. She loves wearing leggings as pants, and when ...