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Why Do We STILL Silently and Unfairly Judge Women Who Love Sex?

Women Who Love Sex

There are women who love sex, women who don’t mind it and those who aren’t big fans. You know what? They’re all totally normal and don’t have to be judged.

Even two decades into the new century, we tend to place a rather unfair stigma on women who love sex. Women who love to have sex a lot, women who talk about it a lot, and women who don’t mind explaining about their sex lives to their friends.

What do you think?

I have a friend who falls into this category. She’s a HUGE fan of sex, she loves it. Her partner and her literally spend weekends in bed and you know what? Good for them, I say.

Okay, sometimes she overshares, but that’s her personality in life generally, and not only about what she’s getting up to under the sheets. Despite that, many people roll their eyes and turn up their nose whenever she talks about the big S.

So, despite the fact that we’re so far advanced in everything else in life, why do women who love sex still get judged?

[Read: What is sex positive feminism and why we all need to embrace it NOW]

Women who love sex versus those who are more reserved

In some ways you could say that we’re stuck in our ways. Whilst women have thankfully managed to shrug off the ‘be seen and not heard’ label, for some reasons we’re still expected to be a certain way. We’re supposed to be feminine and respectful, we’re supposed to play a certain role in a relationship and for some literally unknown reason, we’re supposed to never speak about sex.

Why?

Isn’t sex totally natural and normal? In that case, why can’t we be more open about it? Why can’t we enjoy it as much as men?

I’m calling out double standards on this one! [Read: Internalized misogyny – How to recognize it, fight it and win over it]

Women who love sex are just as normal as women who don’t and women who don’t mind it either. Look at Samantha from Sex and the City, she’s a huge fan of sex and she’s loved, adored and respected by everyone. She’s loud, she’s proud and she doesn’t care who knows it. She enjoys sex because it brings her a sense of individuality and power, and she makes sure that she enjoys it every single time.

In that case, surely women who love sex are simply using their feminine powers for their own ends? How are they hurting anyone else? How are they somehow ruining the so-called view of what a woman should be? [Read: Sex in a relationship and what it means for a woman]

Are women who love sex a little too much for men to handle?

Let’s think about SATC’s Samantha again for a second. She had a string of men at her door, but most of them didn’t stick around. Of course, for the most part, that was because she didn’t want them to, but you could also argue that many men would have found Samantha a little, how can I put it, terrifying?

You see, some guys can’t handle a girl who adores sex. They might say that’s what they want and it’s their dream to have a girl who is ready and willing most of the time, but when actually faced with the reality, they’re likely to panic and run a mile.

Of course, this doesn’t relate to all men, but most guys can’t handle a strong and independent women who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go out and get it. It takes a special kind of partner to handle this type of woman. [Read: 18 things a girl does that makes guys think she’s an easy lay]

Are you a woman who loves sex? If so, what are your experiences in the dating world? Or, have you found someone who matches your desire for between the sheets fun?

I have a friend who loves sex, I mentioned her a little earlier. Whilst she’s totally loved up now, it wasn’t always that way. She has never hidden the fact that she knows what she wants and won’t stop until she gets it, and I’ve always adored her confidence. She’s extremely happy in her skin and she’s ultra-confident when it comes to anything sex-related. She’s one of those women who you can’t help but want to be around, but she’s also one of those women who your mother might warn you about!

Unfortunately, she has also been called more negative names than I can remember, simply because she isn’t quiet about the fact she loves sex. She has never slept around, she has never been one for one night stands either, and she tends to go from relationship to relationship instead. So, why has she had to put up with being called a ‘whore’, ‘slag’ or ‘wannabe porn star’ simply because she loves something which is totally natural to the human race? [Read: THOT – Do any women ever deserve the label of a hoe?]

Would you call a man the same types of names?

I guess not. If a guy enjoys sex, people tend to slap him on the back and call him a hero or a stud.

She has always shrugged it off, a little like Samantha would have, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s seriously unfair on her and women who love sex in general. Who knows, perhaps it does hurt her and she doesn’t let on about it? We all have feelings at the end of the day.

Sex is designed to be enjoyed

If sex wasn’t supposed to be enjoyed, why does it feel so good?!

It’s not only guys who get a kick out of it, so why can’t women be just as open about the fact that they find enjoyment in it too? [Read: 10 reasons why women don’t admit to watching porn]

After reading this, I want you to think about your attitude to women who love sex. Do you know a woman in your circle or someone you’ve met before who is quite loud and proud about their enjoyment of sex? Or, do you know a woman who has an insatiable appetite for lust? In that case, how do you feel about them? I want you to be honest with yourself.

It’s not fair to call a woman a derogatory name simply because she enjoys a natural act. If you find it a little squeamish to hear about her conquests, simply don’t listen. It’s that simple.

Our attitudes towards men versus women and how they should act and be, is really still stuck in the dark ages in some ways. I’m not suggesting everyone feels this way about women who love sex, but the fact that I have a friend who faces these prejudices on a regular basis tells me that we’re still in a position that needs a little work. [Read: What is male privilege and what does it look like in real life?]

Women do not have to be seen and not heard. Women do not have to lay back and wait for her partner to finish. Women do not have to be quiet and not talk about anything borderline controversial. We’re equal, we can talk as loud as anyone else, we can enjoy sex as much as anyone else, and we can be out there and proud about it too.

The only conclusion I can come to is that perhaps we’re jealous. Maybe we simply wish we could be as free as my friend. Perhaps we all wish that we could enjoy sex as much as women like her do, and not care what anyone thinks about it. I wouldn’t say I’m jealous, but I’m definitely envious of her confidence. I just wish people wouldn’t pull her down for it.

[Read: How to respect women – We’re so glad you’d want to know this today]

Women who love sex are often called derogatory names. This is unfair, especially in this age! We need to be more open and loving of one another and knock down the stigmas that still stand firm between what men can do and what women can do without judgement. If you love sex, be proud of it! Sex is natural and should be enjoyed, no matter who you are.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...

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