There may have been moments where you saw your mother in a different light, maybe with a hint of sexual desire. Well, Freud labeled it the Oedipus Complex.
Those semi-dirty thoughts you had about your mom, remember those? Listen, you were probably somewhat ashamed of yourself for even thinking something like that, but it’s actually relatively normal. It’s called the Oedipus complex. Yeah, you can thank Freud for this. He had similar desires so, don’t feel like you’re the only one.
Everything you need to know about the Oedipus complex
But what exactly is the Oedipus complex? Well, it’s actually emotions aroused in young children, typically around the age of four. These emotions are unconscious sexual desires for the parent of the opposite sex. Now though it’s typical around the age of four, the “attracted to mother” symptoms can also occur later in life as well. The human brain is a funny thing.
#1 It’s all about the boob. Freud believed the attraction to the mother happens during the developmental phase of a child. Before this phase, the child is attached to his mother’s breast. What happens is that during the developmental phase, the attachment to the mother’s breast gets transferred to the mother. And that’s where you the problem begins. [Read: Why men like boobs: An in-depth scientific explanation]
#2 It’s not only with boys. So, yes, the Oedipus complex is specifically about boys and the attraction to their mother. However, don’t think that females are completely clean and without any issues. For females who show a similar obsession with their father, it’s called an Elektra complex.
#3 It’s tied to the ego. During this developmental phase, it’s all about “I.” Me, me, me, me, me. This is also linked with Oedipus complex. If you’re an adult with this complex, the odds are, you may have not been socialized properly as a child. So, basically, instead of having a “we” mentality, you’re still stuck in the “I” phase.
#4 It’s actually normal. This is a normal phase in a child’s life. Though, you should know that it is supposed to fade away at some point. The problem is when the attraction to the mother doesn’t fade away, and you’re left with a maturing male who’s into his mom. [Read: 21 things that will turn any girl into a crazy girlfriend]
#5 You can’t force someone to change their feelings. Therapy isn’t a bad way to give someone an opportunity to express their emotions, but there is no right way to cure someone who has an Oedipus complex. Even if they are stuck in this phase, there is no actual way you can “cure” them. So, you’ll just have to let them understand their issue and allow them to work on it on their own time.
#6 Make some distance between you and mom. I know you love your mom and that’s great, we all love our moms. But, you need to make some space between you and her if you find yourself getting attracted to your mother. If you want to move past this complex, you need to create boundaries. If you hang out with your mom on a Friday night, it’s time you found something else to do.
#7 Go out. You need to go out more. And no, that doesn’t mean you invite your mom. Because you lack the socialization as a child, you need to work on that aspect of it right now. Go out with your friends and meet new people, preferably ones you’re sexually attracted to and aren’t your mom. You need to socialize with attainable women.
#8 Go to therapy. Therapy is great. I go to therapy. I find it so helpful to just be able to unload all my emotions and thoughts onto someone who doesn’t know me. I mean, there’s only so much my family and friends can listen to. Plus, I share thoughts that I’ve never shared with anyone. Therapy is a great way to learn and develop tools that you’ll be able to use for you to move on. [Read: 9 big signs you need sex therapy and how to face it]
#9 Don’t take it out on your mom. Listen, being a parent is hard enough. Your mother, most likely, didn’t plan or want this to happen. So, there’s no need to be angry at your mother for this. This happens. It happened to Freud, so why couldn’t it happen to you? Now, I know that I said you shouldn’t hang around with your mom all the time, but taking her along to therapy wouldn’t be a bad idea. Maybe it will help her acknowledge what’s going on.
#10 Unless she’s a narcissist. Okay, so your mother could also be a narcissist. I don’t make the rules, sorry. Narcissistic parents tend to view their children as objects and therefore may have neglected teaching you social skills that you should have learned. Also, since they’re narcissistic, they need the attention of people around them which may be why they didn’t see your admiration for them worrying. So, I guess you could be a little pissed. [Read: Being raised by narcissists: 18 harmful ways it affects your life]
#11 It’s also tied to having a dysfunctional family. The Oedipus complex is actually responsible for ruining family relationships. Why? Well, it could turn the parents to compete against each other and also creates massive discomfort. Which, I understand. This competitiveness and uncomfortable environment just further propels the complex.