Girlfriends *and boyfriends* can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, even just the average ones. But, if you have a possessive girlfriend, it feels like someone sucks the life right out of you every time you have a conversation with her. Before you say adios, do you know how to recognize the signs of a possessive girlfriend?
And if you do think you’re dating one, do you know there are ways to change a possessive girlfriend and make her less so.
By definition, a possessive girlfriend will try to control *and even manipulate* you into doing what she wants. She may think she owns you, and this is never healthy in any type of relationship *even in a friendship!*.
If you want to say goodbye, then do it. But the fact that you’re reading about a “possessive girlfriend” probably means you aren’t ready to call it quits just yet, and you’re looking for ways to help her and your relationship. You’re at the right place, because this is an easy fix if you know the right things you need to do.
[Read: How to stop being possessive in a relationship and love better]
There are several reasons why she may become possessive. Here are a few of them.
Some women think men are their property and find offense when their boyfriend lives his own life.
She’s so insecure about herself that she ends up projecting those insecurities in the form of control and possessiveness.
She thinks that if you love someone, you have to own them and control them. Perhaps she grew up thinking that about love, or maybe she just grew up in a terrible family that encouraged her to believe in that definition.
An ex may have cheated on her or treated her badly. And She wants to be extra-careful this time around. Now she doesn’t trust easily, and wants to be certain of everything in the relationship, which can come off as a possessive trait.
Lastly, a possessive girlfriend can also be caused because of a specific trauma or abuse that happened in the past that she hasn’t dealt with yet. It could be a childhood issue, something her parents did, a bad ex, or even a bad friend who used her.
These are all valid reasons why she becomes possessive and while this doesn’t change the situation, it may help you understand where her possessiveness is coming from.
[Read: Possessive relationship: The clearest signs you’re in one & how to change it]
When a girl becomes too possessive for you to handle, how do you know the signs early on in the relationship? The signs are more obvious than you think *you just need to know where to look*.
[Read: How to handle controlling behavior in a relationship]
One of the signs of a possessive girlfriend is when she panics even if you just miss one call. She attempts to call you on every social media platform and your phone number – and if you don’t answer any of them at any given time, she’ll immediately panic.
Everyone calls it being paranoid; we call it possessiveness. She always checks your phone and social media accounts to see if you’re cheating or you’re doing something fishy when she’s not around.
She always assumes that you’re going behind her back just to flirt with someone else. [Read: 17 signs of disrespect in a relationship that reveal a lack of love]
There’s no escaping a possessive girlfriend. Even when you want some space from her and hang out with the boys one evening, you can’t! *doesn’t it get exhausting?*
Whether it’s running errands, having a boys’ night, or simply just enjoying your ‘me’ time, she’s somehow always around. She tries to insert herself in everything you do, even when not necessary.
Girls can dominate relationships too, and it can result in a controlling and possessive relationship. She always wants things her way, and she tries to control your actions and behavior in the way she wants.
You don’t get a say at all in her decisions. This is one of the obvious indicators of a possessive girlfriend you should watch out for. In fact, this is one of the most dangerous red flags you need to spot early in the relationship. [Read: 17 relationship red flags that most people completely ignore]
Does she get angry when you respond late to a text? Or maybe she tries to fight you for the most minor things like forgetting to bring her coffee?
Whatever pettiness she can use in the relationship, expect it in the actions of a possessive girlfriend. [Read: Petty percy – 18 signs of a petty person that make them so annoying]
If your girlfriend is a little too clingy or possessive, the reality is if you didn’t have feelings and wanted to move on, you would simply say goodbye.
If you want to calm down whatever the hell riles her up, it might take some introspection to find out why she is so possessive.
Look, she can be possessive because of a combination of her actions and yours. If it stems from her own issues, then it’s no longer your responsibility to fix or change her.
Sometimes, a possessive girlfriend is really just a mask for an insecure girl. When girls are insecure, they need constant reassurance. That comes in the form of praise or trust. If she had a dad who cheated on her mom or an ex who screwed everything in town, then those bad experiences from her past will taint her future, unless she chooses to let that go.
Try to reassure her that you are there for her and whatever her past holds, her future with you is different because you are different. Reassurance is everything for a possessive girlfriend, so try your best to give her encouraging words.
It might help her trust you more, especially if the reason behind her possessiveness is her insecurities. [Read: How to deal with a needy girlfriend and help her feel secure again]
Boundaries are significant especially in a relationship, so if you want to keep your peace while helping her become less possessive, then set firm boundaries and stick to them. Set a line in the sand about what is appropriate behavior and what is not.
Maybe she got away with that behavior in her last relationship, but you make it clear that in your book, it isn’t okay and it must stop. The key to real boundaries is concrete statements like “you can’t text me while I am at work.”
Otherwise, your “back off” just makes her more insecure, which ups her possessive nature. [Read: How to set boundaries and feel more in control of your life]
Sometimes women who aren’t possessive change because of your behavior. If you’re hiding something and your behavior has clearly changed because of this, her possessiveness could be a result of this. Maybe she’s just afraid you’re cheating or hiding something significant in the relationship.
There is nothing that makes a girl cling harder than if she feels you have something to hide. If you let her into your world and are honest with her, she will trust that when you aren’t around, you still respect her.
Really, openness is the key if you want to help her possessiveness.
Maybe the reason behind your possessive girlfriend is because all or most of your friends happen to be girls. It’s easy for her to feel insecure about this, so maybe cut down on hanging out with them all the time, or take her along when you meet them. *easier said than done, we know, but it might help!*
No girl wants to hear about your intimate friendship with another girl, friend or not. It still feels like a betrayal. Maybe just for a bit, put your other girl friends on ice and focus on making your girlfriend a priority.
You don’t have to drop all your friends who are girls, but just prioritize your girlfriend so she feels secure and loved. [Read: How to find the right priority in your relationship and focus on it]
Most possessive girlfriends behave the way they do out of fear. If she is in your face all the time, constantly questioning where you are, or wanting to be by your side 24/7, then she has a fear that she is going to lose you if she doesn’t hold on tight.
If you give her the attention she craves, she will likely have her emotional tank filled and won’t be fighting so hard to get it from you. Oh, and some compliments can’t hurt!
Any way you make her feel loved and special helps her not feel like she must have her thumb on you all the time to keep you. [Read: 15 ways to make your girlfriend feel loved and needed]
If you invite her along once, or maybe a few times, and she sees just how normal it is when you’re out with your own friends or when you’re spending time on your hobby, she’ll understand more about you and your life, and feel a lot more secure as well.
And, likely, she gives you a pass to do it again whenever you want. Been there, done that, is always a good way to calm her ever-loving possessive ways.
Let your girlfriend experience even your geeky activities, and once she gets an insight on how it goes, she’ll be more chill the next time around.
Communication will always be key! We’re not excusing possessiveness in any way, but maybe she’s feeling rather insecure because you don’t communicate with her that often anymore.
Women generally want to feel acknowledged, so maybe you lack in this department.
Yes, it is irritating to tell someone where you are every second. But, if you check in once in a while, you build trust with her. She knows that you are where you say you are. The more trust you build, the better. It’s not being “under her” by giving her updates; it’s respecting her and trusting her. [Read: How to be a good boyfriend – The 33 traits that’ll make you the best ever]
Possessive people are usually created from past experiences. If you notice some things make her cling harder, pay close attention to what it is about them. If you can figure out a road map to why she feels the need to cling, you can undo it.
However, it’s not your responsibility to fix her baggage for her, but you can make them lighter and more manageable. You can talk about it with her and find out what triggered her to react that way, and maybe you can avoid her triggers, if possible.
Possessive girlfriends are usually predictable, and what triggers their possessiveness is often the same. [Read: Signs of anxiety – How to read the signs ASAP & handle them better]
Maybe she is possessive with you because she really doesn’t have a life of her own. Sometimes we cling to people because we don’t have much else going on.
Instead of avoiding your possessive girlfriend or getting upset, encourage her to meet new people, introduce her to your friends, or guide her to find something that she likes to do. One of the signs of a possessive girlfriend is insecurities, as we’ve mentioned earlier.
So encourage her in a good way to expand her horizons and meet new people or try new things. When she socializes or participates more, she’ll be less worried about controlling you and the relationship! [Read: How to be independent even if you’re in a relationship with someone]
Sometimes, guys feel like they are being possessed because no matter how much time they spend with their girlfriend, she still says stuff like “you never do anything with me.” Maybe the problem isn’t that you aren’t spending enough time with her, but that you aren’t spending quality time with her.
There’s a difference between being around her and just using your phone or playing a video game, and really putting your attention and focus on her. Ask her on a date and spend quality time with her – this might put her worries behind and encourage her to become less possessive.
When someone is defensive, this is often a sign that you’re hiding something significant in your relationship. This could cause her to become a possessive girlfriend, especially when you’re too defensive about her questions. Just answer them calmly in a reassuring manner.
Don’t be defensive when she shows her possessive nature, as this might worsen her personality and do more damage. [Read: Why do people get defensive? 14 reasons & ways to handle them]
When she asks you numerous things, we know how exhausting it can be to answer them. Especially as some you’ve already answered multiple times in the past. However, a possessive girlfriend is often insecure, and she needs your patience more than anything else.
If you want to help her overcome her possessiveness, be patient with her as she works on herself and deals with her insecurities.
There will come a time when her possessiveness is no longer adorable or tolerable and causes the relationship to become draining and toxic. If this is the case, then it might be time to give up on the relationship entirely and let her work on her issues on her own.
Sometimes, a possessive girlfriend can be beyond saving, and it’s no longer up to you to solve their controlling behavior and issues. Whether it’s because of their insecurities or past baggage, you need to decide if it’s time to let go and find someone better than her.
[Read: When to leave a relationship – 15 clues that shouldn’t be ignored]
The ways above are meant to help your possessive girlfriend become better and secure in the relationship. Reassure her when necessary, don’t be secretive, and spend quality time with her. In other words, just be a more loving boyfriend!
Possessive girlfriends, in general, are a bit much to handle. If you can’t handle it, you have no choice but to lose your girlfriend and move on.
But, if you love her enough to try to work through it and weather the storm, it takes you looking at your behaviors and how they affect her and a lot of energy upfront to make her feel secure enough to loosen the reigns on you.
[Read: How to reassure and win over a super jealous lover]
If you try these things, you might find that your possessive girlfriend can actually be secure and confident in her own skin. All she needs is a little security and a lot of love to get there!
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