It was supposed to be a one night stand, but you’ve developed mutual feelings. Is it okay to date someone you thought you’d only be with for one night?
One night stands are exactly what they are. One random encounter with a stranger, colleague or friend that turns into a steamy night of passion. After that, it’s over. No calls, no texts, no e-mails. The best you can hope for is another random encounter with an awkward hello.
Statistically, men are more likely to initiate one night stands. Women do it as well, but they’re not as vocal about it. The reasons for initiating one night stands may be the same for both genders, but there’s a more obvious stigma against women than there is for men.
Women are expected to want relationships. When they speak up about their need for meaningless sex, people misconstrue it as promiscuity or a plea for attention. God forbid that a woman just might want to let off some steam, but nooo, they’re branded as sluts and are shamed not just by men, but their fellow women as well.
One night stands should not be given that much attention by others who are not involved. After all, it’s an event that happens between two people who had sex one night and never again. Public opinion is a moot point, because it is neither helpful nor necessary. [Read: 16 signs it’s going to be a one night stand]
What is the big deal about one night stands?
The truth is that it shouldn’t be a big deal. It only comes out that way because men are crucified for not wanting a relationship, while women are stigmatized for the very same reason. Sex can be just sex. If a person chooses to do it out of pleasure and not love, they should not be judged for it.
We have the right to use our bodies the way we want to. No matter what decision we make, we must consider the fact that we are adults that have the capacity to make rational decisions.
If it turns out that we didn’t like the outcome, we need to face the consequences of our actions. If it happens that we found a special connection out of it, then that’s where one night stands start to work out for the best.
Is it possible to date your one night stand?
Absolutely! The best part about it is that it’s no longer a one night stand, once you start seeing each other. There would be no need to mention “That One Night,” because every night that you see each other becomes more important than the last.
There are a lot of people who started out as one night stands, and ended up seeing their partner regularly. Some have successfully achieved relationship status, while some chose to upgrade their one night stand into a friends-with-benefits situation.
Why not date your one night stand? If they’re up to your standards, there is nothing holding you back from taking a chance on that person – except when they don’t feel the same way. One night stands are simply another aspect of dating that we need to acknowledge.
Is it easy to date your one night stand?
Before you decide to call that person you slept with a few months ago, you need to consider your motives first. Why do you like that person? Do you see a future with that person? Is it really worth calling someone whom you haven’t heard from in a while? And most importantly, which of you didn’t call the other after you had sex?
You can learn a lot from the answers to these questions. You can find out whether or not the person you slept with is worth asking out. If they never intended to see you again, it doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person. They just understood the mechanics of a one night stand, and decided not to pursue the matter anymore. [Read: 10 worst people to have a one night stand with]
Choosing to date your one night stand is an easy decision to make, but is it the right one? That isn’t even your biggest problem. The fact that you engaged in a one night stand means that there will be an awkward phase before you can truly explore the area of relationships. [Read: 10 casual relationship rules to keep it casual]
You already had sex. Now that it’s out of the way, what’s next? The whole dynamics of starting a relationship is thrown for a loop. It can be a good thing, or it can be exciting. It all depends on how you and your possible partner view and react to the situation.
Is it sleazy to date your one night stand?
In my opinion, it’s not. Just because you already had sex doesn’t mean that you’re dirty or unfit for society. Anyone who says otherwise is welcome to his or her own opinion, but people have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies.
Sex can be categorized in many ways. Some are acceptable to society, while some are a little hard to wrap your head around. The idea of a one night stand should not be considered sleazy, but some circumstances can force people to view the situation that way. A one night stand only becomes sleazy when it happens for the wrong reasons. Those reasons are:
#1 Rebound sex. Not only are you messing with your head by engaging in an intimate activity with a random person after a break-up, you are also inadvertently playing with their feelings. It won’t make you feel any better, and letting your ex find out will only make you feel worse. [Read: 13 rebound sex to check if you’re ready for it]
#2 Money. Granted that prostitution is illegal in so many places, it still happens. If you’re using a one night stand as an excuse to get some easy money, being sleazy is the least of your problems.
#3 Pity sex. Just because the guy looks sad and pathetic, does not mean that you need to swoop in with your vagina to save the day. Not only will you regret the decision to sleep with someone you don’t like, you might even give false hope to someone who already has a boatload of self-esteem issues.
#4 Attention. Research suggests that intentional promiscuity is borne out of a deep longing for attention. Having a lot of sex because you like it is normal. Having a lot of sex for validation is unhealthy, and not something you should be proud of. [Read: 16 signs you’re being an attention whore]
One night stands are a part of dating now. They are like land mines. You never know what you stepped on until it’s too late. You can try to avoid them as much as you can, but there is no definite way to determine whether or not there will be a repeat of your night together.
Those who want to be in a relationship would never willingly choose to be a one night stand. Unfortunately, you can’t control your circumstances or how the other person feels. If they don’t want to be with you again, you can’t force them.
Despite the stigma, it’s perfectly fine to date your one night stand. Though your relationship will be far from tradition, it will certainly bring out your creative side when you’re learning new ways to get to know each other better.
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Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...