10 Clear Signs You Should Back Off When Pursuing a Girl

signs you need to back off

So you like a girl and she seems to be leading you on in all the right ways. But do you know when to back off and stop pursuing her? Use these 10 signs!

Contrary to modern and popular belief, pursuing a woman hasn’t changed much since the Stone Age. The majority of women – those who are a bit shy and reluctant to make the first move – still want men to pursue them with varying degrees of traditionalism.

Knowing when to back off when you pursue a girl

The problem with dating these days is that there are so many rituals that people have to go through before they can establish that they are in a relationship. You may think that you and that girl are technically an item, but she might not be on the same page.

Just because you made the effort to pursue a girl does not mean that you’ve got the relationship in the bag. Sometimes, a girl can’t make up her mind or is just too nice to tell you pointblank that she has no intention of going out with you anymore.

Why should you stop pursuing a girl?

Before you decide to use these signs as a guide to cut all ties with the girl you like, you have to look from her perspective first.

Why wouldn’t she want to date you if you were an amazing guy? A single article wouldn’t be enough to enumerate those issues, but here are some of the most common reasons why a girl is uninterested in you. [Read: 25 of the biggest dating deal breakers for women]

#1 You’re not her type. Sorry. That’s the truth. Just because you’re rich, nice and have an amazing body – wait, why doesn’t she like you again? All kidding aside, every person has a typical preference for the person they want to be with.

It is usually attributed to the environment that they were brought up in or exposed to. Some prefer a specific race, body type, height or even a certain level of intellect. If she’s hard to please and you don’t pass her standards, pursuing her is a moot point.

#2 You’re a rebound. Not everyone is comfortable with starting a relationship if they’re still attached to remnants of the past. The reason why they aren’t willing to go through with dating you could be because they are still not over The Ex. [Read: 14 subtle signs the girl you like isn’t over her ex yet!]

#3 She’s just playing with you. Sadly, this is true for some women. The insecurities and baggage that they possess can cause collateral damage in the form of impressionable young men who just want to find a woman to settle with. A girl might string you along just for the fun of it or just because they are bored. The worst case scenario would be that they have a boyfriend who’s not too fond of her suitors. [Read: Is a girl with a boyfriend flirting with you?]

#4 She’s too nice to say no. Girls with this type of mindset should probably realize that it’s more damaging to prolong the agony of the rejection instead of just telling a guy to move on. They will allow you to court them, but will make no promises for plausible deniability’s sake. This means that they’re probably not that nice if they can make you work for something that you won’t even get. [Read: 15 signs she’s just leading you on and taking you nowhere]

#5 When she says no. Stop with all the No-Means-Yes nonsense. If a girl is trying to lure you in with reverse psychology by telling you that she’s not interested, respect her verbally expressed answer. This is the reason why so many women feel harassed because their suitors think that they are just playing hard to get. If a woman wants to play mind games with you, call her bluff. She’ll probably end up pursuing you once you stop calling her.

10 signs you should give up on pursuing the girl you like

Some men find it hard to distinguish between a girl who is not interested and a girl who is just playing hard to get. She may or may not like you, but you will never know unless you really open your eyes. Use these signs to know when you should back away and stop pursuing her for good. [Read: 8 subtle cues a girl gives away when she wants you to make a move]

#1 She replies to texts, IM’s and emails with closed answers. Do not mistake this for the popular passive-aggressive “K” that means, “Keep talking because I need to feel that you’re giving me attention.” If they’re not interested, they will do everything they can to stop the conversation in its tracks.

#2 She’s always busy. You should respect a person’s priorities, especially if you are not in a relationship. If a lot is going on in a girl’s life, then she probably isn’t ready to date yet. A woman who really likes you will voluntarily shift some things on her calendar to have brunch or dinner with you.

#3 She only says “Yes” to dates that have the best freebies. So, you have front row tickets to a Coldplay concert? That guarantees you a date in three months or so when the band arrives in town. A picnic at the park, on the other hand, isn’t as impressive to this type of girl. Know the difference between sincerity and freeloading when it comes to pursuing a girl.

#4 She has a lot of hang-ups. Don’t we all? But this girl has so many hang-ups that you can’t even set foot within a three-foot radius of her without offending her. She is probably setting up a torrent of defense mechanisms just to keep you away rather than rejecting you altogether.

#5 She agrees to a date, but cancels at the last minute. You may notice that “something” always “comes up” before your date. Now, it’s understandable if the girl is absolutely unlucky when it comes to scheduling engagements. However, if this has happened more than twice, get a clue. She’s not into you.

#6 She’s always on her phone when you’re together. This is the age of the smartphones. People are ALWAYS on their phones. The same should not be applied when you’re on a date. The reason why she’s so interested in her phone when she’s with you is because she cares about it more. Unless you can post her photos on Instagram and live-Tweet your date for her, you’re pretty useless at that specific moment. [Read: 12 telltale signs she’s just not that into you!]

#7 Your call goes to voicemail during her downtime more than usual. Who uses voicemail these days? The only reason why you’re getting transferred to her answering service when you know she’s not at work or out with friends is because she wants to talk to you as little as possible. How hard is it to call back, anyway?

#8 She Seen-Zones you/She doesn’t read your message for a day or more. Unless the girl you’re seeing is adamantly against technology, there is no reason why she wouldn’t be able to receive your message. She saw your message. She just doesn’t want to reply or start a conversation. [Read: 18 obvious signs you’re already in a girl’s friend zone]

#9 She keeps you interested up to a point. You can’t stop thinking about her because she designed your situation to end up that way. By giving you scraps of affection, she manages to keep you hanging because she’s probably keeping you as a back-up until she finds her “One True Love.”

#10 She sounds uninterested. Indifference is one of the reactions that are easy to decipher. A person who is unenthusiastic is easily recognizable. Her glassy eyes, monotone voice and general appearance of boredom are definite signs that she is not interested. She’s also probably not rejecting you because she thinks it’s too much work.

I know you put in a lot of effort in trying to get the girl you like to like you back, but you have to know when to give up. Some girls are worth the wait, but a lot of them don’t want the guys they’re not interested in to bother. [Read: 18 foolproof ways to make a great girl fall for you]

Don’t sell yourself short because there is at least one girl out there who will appreciate the attention that you give them. You should not settle for someone who doesn’t want the same things you do. That is just a big waste of your time. Wouldn’t it be sad to realize that you didn’t notice the girl who liked you because you were too busy clamoring for the attention of the one who didn’t?

[Read: 12 ridiculously obvious signs she wants you to ask her out]

These signs to know when to back off while pursuing a girl will guide you into making the right decision about your pursuit of the perfect girl. If she’s guilty of any of these, then she might not be so perfect after all. Don’t just give your time and effort to someone who doesn’t value it. Give it to someone who deserves it.

Liked what you just read? Like us on Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

Danielle Anne
Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
Follow Danielle on

Don't Miss this!

Latest in LovePanky

DISCUSSION

5 thoughts on “10 Clear Signs You Should Back Off When Pursuing a Girl”

  1. Gunshy says:

    Very informative indeed. Thanks.

  2. Cait says:

    A lot of guys need to read this. I’ve always been more comfortable around guy friends as I feel like I have more in common with them, but lately quite a few guys are mistaking friendship for more even with me making it as clear as I can that I’m not interested (“I’m very happy being single”, “I’m glad we’re just friends” even “I will kick you in the balls if you try anything with me”) Men, if a girl likes you, she will let you know. If she gives you no signs/ tells you she wants to be friends take the hint.
    Another tip – if the girls doesn’t text you back, DO NOT track her down on facebook and message her there, it’s really really creepy.

  3. Hector says:

    I would like some advice on my situation
    So this girl works with me in the same company but different floors, we used to talk and text from time to time, until lately we became closer and you could feel the attraction. But yet i was reluctant cause she is 9 years younger than me and due to the nature of us working together. So one day she asked me to drop her home and while we were in the elevator she kissed me. After I dropped her she texted me and said that she was impulsive and does not want to ruin our relation, I answered that I am mature enough and can handle this. Since that day this girl has become my daily interest, I started texting her more, sent her a gift to her office, and felt like things will work out, suddenly I feel a withdrawal from her side and I felt like I am being too pushy even though I believe I am not. When I stop texting her she asks about me and even comes to my office. I asked her out she said she had family commitments and I know that she has a hard family and can not go out often. So I decided to drop interest, 5 days I did not text her and she did not text me back, and then today she texts me back And drops to my office for a visit, she said she thought I travelled but when she texted me she said hello stranger which does not make sense. Anyways her bday is coming up and I was thinking of buying her a gift but again am not sure if I am investing my efforts and money in the right place. Sometimes I feel I am being used by her and that thought drives me crazy. What shall I do, any ideas?

  4. Kiernan says:

    Hector – back way off and let her come to you… if she wants. Her actions run warm and cold, which means her interest level may be luke warm. You continuing to pursue her will only lower her interest level. My suggestion is its probably best to move on. If she’s worth pusuing, let her show signs she’s “obviously” interested… not “kind of” interested. Hope that helps.

  5. femmemuscle says:

    Lord, where do you start? I work out in a gym in NM. It’s a franchise, so i’m learning to just go to different ones in order to make myself scarce. The guys here? They don’t get it.. Not at all. They will literally chase you through the gym even after you’ve told them to leave you alone.

    If you’re “nice” about politely refusing to talk to them? They think it’s a yes. If you tell them “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” then they run to their friends and say: “She’s crazy”.. But i think the worst part? When you refuse their advances? They get pretty pissed. To the point, they will come after you, and attempt to tell you off. The other members will sit there watching this happen and no one does anything. The personnel just stand there watching the incidents.. and run back and tell their buddies “what happened”..

    14 males being shouted at, to leave a girl alone in 2 months.. is a bit much.. And i damn near have to wear a Birka, and a hijab in order to deflect the majority of them.. It’s insane. Anyone looking for desperate men – short of rapist? come to Albuquerque NM..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *