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8 Ways to Confront a Cheater Who Plays the Victim Card

confront a cheater who plays a victim

Cheaters can sometimes play the victim by blaming you for their infidelity. Here’s what you should do when they pull this sneaky trick!

It’s bad enough to get cheated on, but it’s even worse to confront your partner, only to have him or her play the victim and paint you as a villain. Very few things in life will irk you as much as this situation. But even then, there are some people out there who fall for the whole “woe-is-me-I’m-the-victim-here”ย trap. If you think your partner has the guts to pull this ploy, don’t fall for it! [Read: 18 genius ways to catch a cheater in the act!]

How to handle a cheater who plays the victim

Don’t allow the cheater to guilt you into thinking that you had it coming. In fact, it should be the cheater who should be showing remorse, and not the other way around. If you find yourself being blamed by a cheater who’s playing the victim, here’s what you should do.

#1 Tell them that feeling sad or lonely doesn’t justify cheating. If your partner was having an emotional issue in the relationship, then he or she should have brought it up with you. Going behind your back to deal with an emotional issue by cheating is extremely shady and unacceptable.

There are many ethical solutions that the person could have used instead. He or she could have tried to communicate with you. Couple’s therapy is another option. Even an honest breakup would have been preferable! No matter how much he or she was struggling, cheating is still unacceptable.

#2 Explain to them how much it hurt you. This is a great way to flip the tables on your partner, if he or she is acting like a victim. So if your partner is going on and on trying to portray themselves as the victim, simply remind him or her how painful it is to be cheated on. In fact, emphasize on this point until they drop the victim act and genuinely apologize.

#3 Tell them that you didn’t cheat on them when you were feeling hurt. By saying this, you effectively cancel out your partner’s whole argument. The reason is because your partner is trying to make cheating seem acceptable, by claiming that emotional pain justifies it. However, if you can remind your partner of situations in which you endured emotional pain, but did not resort to cheating, then it puts you clearly on the moral high ground.

#4 Emphasize how immoral cheating is. If you can really dig into the ethics of cheating, it can help to unravel any argument that your partner gives you. The reason is because cheating involves such a basic betrayal of trust, which is the foundation of the relationship. After discussing the immorality of cheating for a little while, your partner may realize that it’s hopeless to try to play the victim card. [Read: Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?]

#5 Ask them how they would feel if the situation were reversed. Doing this can also help to make your partner see the light. Perhaps your partner genuinely, truly feels like the victim in this situation. When you make them imagine if they were the one being cheated on, they may realize that no matter the reason behind the cheating, the act of betraying your partner with someone else still trumps that argument.

#6 Just don’t listen to them at all. When it comes down to it, do you genuinely want to know why your partner cheated on you? It could be because they felt neglected or ignored or abused or anything, but in the end, do you have to put up with all the excuses?

When you’ve made up your mind to leave, why not spare yourself the trouble of listening to excuses and just walk away? It would certainly be better than putting up with your partner’s accusations about you being the villain and he or she being the victim. [Read: 11 things you shouldn’t do when you’re suddenly single]

#7 Use any evidence that you have. If you have a picture on your phone of your partner cheating on you, or some other form of proof, you can use this as a rebuttal to the argument. You get plus points if the proof you have depicts your partner as a happy-go-lucky person who’s enjoying his or her time with the third party.

Wave that photo in your cheating partner’s face and ask if this looks like a photo of a victim. [Read: 25 truthful reasons why women cheat on their partners]

#8 Who’s the REAL victim here? If your partner refuses to drop the act, give them a taste of their own medicine. Cry spousal neglect or lacking space or not spending time together. Whatever lame argument your cheating partner is throwing at you, throw it right back with as much gusto.

If your partner is clever enough, they may realize that their previous argument sounds really desperate and, at times, pathetic. If your partner isn’t clever enough, outline the fact that the ultimate betrayal in a relationship is cheating, and that no amount of neglect or smothering can justify it. The only thing that your actions will justify is a breakup. [Read: 8 factual reasons why people in happy relationships still cheat]

Although the pain is not physical, the pain of being cheated on can still be very, very difficult to endure. This is why so many relationships end once cheating has been discovered. It’s like all of the good energy between you and your partner just vanishes in an instant. [Read: Why men cheat – 3 big reasons and 27 little ones]

However, despite the fact that cheating is usually a death sentence for a relationship, some people still try to keep their relationships after they have been caught cheating. They do this by playing the victim and making the cheating seem like it was justified. But cheating is almost never truly justifiable.

[Read: 8 things you have to do before considering forgiving a cheater]

So you have to be really careful when you are dealing with a cheater. You don’t want to let them convince you that the cheating was actually no big deal or that it was your fault that it happened at all. Keep your wits about you, and don’t fall for the victim ploy!

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3 thoughts on “8 Ways to Confront a Cheater Who Plays the Victim Card”

  1. Aubrey says:

    To all cheaters out there… f*** you! “Just don’t listen to them at all” sums it up. They will try to tell you every kind of excuses and they will do things to justify their excuses. Don’t listen to their blah blah blah. Cheaters are cheaters and there is no excuse to that. Cheating is a crime of love and they should be punished. They just mind their own pleasures without regarding the pain it cause to their partners. They have no conscience even knowing that their actions will cause us to shed tears and be heartbroken. Others even brag about their cheating and wear the broken heart of their partner like some medal. Those cheaters are utterly disgusting and they have no right to live. Men and ladies out there, if you’re being cheated, don’t cry in front of them. You will just end up feeding their ego. Show to that person that your world didn’t revolve around him/her. Life will go on without that cheater.

  2. philipa says:

    Cheaters don’t deserve anyone even to speak to them! Period. I sent one far away from my life with a bang of the door and I don’t intend to repeat that ever again. Idiots! You think that you can cheat and get away with it -.-

  3. Women are victims says:

    Basically women are the victims most the time but yes, women can be wicked and very mean. My ex-boyfriend was murdered by two wicked evil women that are now in jail for life. They robbed him and pretended they were going to give him sex, luring him with sex like wicked whores, these two women are sickos with awful and mean personalities. Then, they shot and killed him and robbed him after wards. It was on the news in the city I lived in and these women also killed their own friend because she refused to help them out to rob and murder another man. Then they robbed a poor man that was mentally disabled and then they killed him too and they went in his home and took his TV set, stereo and the little money he had to his name. Two crazy, sicko women and one of the women was actually a home health aid nursing assistant to this disabled man. Some sicko women these two are. They don’t even care and the one woman was even smiling in here mugshot. Sick personalities. Thanks to the police that these two women are locked up now and this horrible situation is over. No more men will be harmed by these two wicked, evil women unless they escape from jail or something, God forbid. Also, I think when feminists say women are the victims they mean women of rape or something because usually women are the ones that are raped then murdered so their rapist can’t be identified. Most the time we don’t hear about men being raped we mostly hear about women being raped because men will mostly always, say yes to sex. Also, women are usually the ones mostly, not always, but mostly women are the ones that are cheated on and played by men and men play with women’s emotions and play mind games with them and don’t take sex serious and most women like to take sex serious and they can’t understand why men a lot of the times don’t take sex so serious. Women are less likely to cheat on their spouse/partner/husband as well and men are more likely to cheat on their wives, girlfriends, or spouse. Most men most likely don’t like to get married and on the other hand most women most likely always like to get married.

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