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Lazy Boyfriend: 20 Signs, Why Guys Get Lazy in Love & How to Help Him Change

You are so frustrated because you think you have a lazy boyfriend. Here are the signs and reasons for his laziness and ways to help him change!

lazy boyfriend

At the beginning of the relationship, your boyfriend probably went out of his way to be nice to you. He didn’t just make you happy, he probably awed you with his awesomeness. He was sweet and caring. Your relationship was reckless and adventurous because of him. And most importantly, he was always proactive and fun. But now you are stuck with a lazy boyfriend.

Lazy and boring? Well, those were the last words you would think of to define him at the beginning of your relationship.

The months and years pass by, and now, is lazy the first word you think of when you have to define your boyfriend? A guy can be a lazy person in general, and that can spill over into the amount of effort he puts into your relationship.

Is it a case of fading infatuation, or are you just dating a lazy guy who’s completely wrong for you?

It depends. He might just be a lazy person in general, and that is also leading him to be lazy in love. So, let’s first take a look at what makes a guy a lazy person.

[Read: The various stages of love for men and how they change in the stages]

Signs of a lazy boyfriend who is just a lazy person

Before we talk about why he might be lazy and what you can do about it, let’s make sure you really do have a lazy boyfriend. Here are the signs you should look for.

1. He procrastinates

A lot of people tend to procrastinate. But lazy people are experts at it. If your boyfriend puts off to tomorrow – or the next day, or the next – what he should be doing today, then he’s lazy.

If he really is lazy, he might never get around to doing it at all. It’s not because he can’t, it’s because he’s too lazy to do it and doesn’t want to make the effort.

2. He’s never proactive

He never wants to go the extra mile for anything. Heck, forget the extra mile, he just doesn’t foresee anything that needs to be done.

He never plans for anything because he doesn’t think that far ahead. You always start doing something before he even notices it needs to be done.

3. You have to remind him of things

Whether it’s that his family gathering is this weekend or that he needs to mow the grass, he doesn’t remember a whole lot on his own.

You have to remind him of things so often that you feel like his own personal secretary – or his living, breathing calendar. [Read: Lazy people – 50 wily ways they manipulate others to work for them]

4. He puts in minimal effort

If you’re lucky enough for him to do something for you, such as the laundry or making dinner, he only does a half-ass job at it.

He might pull out something frozen from the freezer and pop it in the microwave. Or he might put the clothes in the washing machine but then leave them there for days until they become moldy.

5. He is full of excuses

Because he’s a procrastinator, not proactive, and puts in minimal effort, he also comes with a long list of excuses. It could be that he’s too tired, or he did it yesterday, or he has a headache. Whatever it is, he is always trying to find a way to get out of doing something.

6. He never finishes what he starts

Maybe you have been begging him for months to help you paint the bathroom. He might start the project, and then halfway through, he’ll just stop. It drives you crazy to have a half-painted bathroom, but he doesn’t seem to notice or care that it bothers you. Because it doesn’t bother him. [Read: What to do when your spouse is unemployed or lazy]

7. He is a couch potato

He rarely leaves the couch. Instead, he is always watching TV or staring at his phone. Alternatively, he could be in another room playing video games for hours on end every day. Getting him to leave the house to do something fun is like pulling teeth – it almost never happens.

8. He sleeps a lot

In addition to being a couch potato, he might take a lot of naps during the day. In fact, he says he’s always tired and just wants to sleep a lot. Whether that’s because he’s up all night playing video games or he just doesn’t want to do anything else, the end result is the same – sleeping.

9. He’s all talk and no action

His words don’t match his actions. When you ask him to do something, he says he will. Then you get all excited, but the day never comes where he follows through on what he said he was going to do.

Instead, he just likes to talk a good game, but he doesn’t walk the walk. [Read: Should I leave my boyfriend? 36 signs you MUST know to be happy]

10. He doesn’t clean anything

You feel more like his personal maid than a girlfriend. From leaving his dirty socks and clothes in the middle of the living room to piling dirty dishes in the sink, you are always picking up after him. You feel more like his mother than his lover. He doesn’t even notice when the house needs to be cleaned.

You’re not asking for too much!

If you tell your friends about this, in all probability, every guy would tell you that you’re asking for too much while many of your girlfriends would tell you that all guys change for the worse with time. They could tell you that some guys get lazier over time and that many guys get boring and predictable.

So should you just clam up and swallow your annoyance each time you see him sleeping on the couch, or cancel another date night to play games?

Well, if you’re not happy with his behavior, of course, you’re entitled to get angry with him. And if that’s one of the things that is affecting your relationship negatively, you have every right to want to fix it. So no, you’re not asking for too much. [Read: The biggest relationship problems and ways to fix them]

After all, all of us are different, and every individual has his or her own expectations of love. If a boyfriend who’s active and fun is what you want, then hey, you go girl!

Now just how lazy and boring is he?

This is something you need to give some serious thought to. Just how boring is your guy? Has he stopped taking you out for dinners as often as he once would? Does he no longer surprise you with little gestures of love? Has he just turned into a slob who thinks rolling over on a couch is a form of exercise?

Sometimes, some guys just start to take it easy in a relationship. Not because they want to, but because they forget that they still need to woo and impress their girl. Why? We’ll get to that in a bit. [Read: 16 reasons why a boyfriend starts getting mean and rude!]

Before going any further, you need to clear the confusion in your mind and ask yourself just how boring or lazy your boyfriend really is. Is he like the boring boyfriend who has suddenly stopped pleasing you or showing interest in you, or is he like the lazy husband who doesn’t do chores around the house?

A lazy husband is a completely different story because we’d have to talk more about household chores, taking care of kids, and a whole load of other things that are on the side of being lazy and defeated. So for now, let’s try to figure out when your fun boyfriend started to turn into a boring and lazy lump.

Are YOU making him lazy?

Are you setting unrealistic expectations for him? Do you criticize him often, even when he tries to do as you suggest? You may not realize it yourself, but more often than not, a girl could make her boyfriend lazy and inadequate because she makes him feel like he’s never good enough for her. [Read: 15 sweet ways to make your guy feel needed and wanted]

At first, he may try. And then, he may try harder. But when you place the straw that breaks his back by constantly picking flaws no matter how hard he tries to show you he’s fun, he may just turn into an ass that would rather be stubborn and lazy, than try to do something he knows won’t live up to your expectations.

Is he the same guy he was when you started dating each other? If he’s been getting lazier recently, that’s something he can definitely change.

But if he’s always been the lazy kind, and you want him to change to suit your needs, then that’s going to take a lot of effort, from both sides. [Read: The 80-20 rule of relationships in your love life]

5 reasons why guys get lazy in love *or why you think he’s being lazy!*

Just why do boyfriends become lazy and boring? Here are five reasons why your guy may have started to get boring, at least in your eyes.

1. You get too comfortable

You want excitement and fun all the time. The first few months, or years, were a haze of new experiences and awesome moments, and now, both of you don’t seem to be doing anything fun together or trying something new. And that bores you.

2. You feel lonely

He’s busy trying to make something out of life, and earn money so he can spend it with you, and that involves him spending several hours away from you. And since you don’t see things from his perspective, he bores you. [Read: 15 easy tips to make your boyfriend want you more than ever!]

3. You’re too dependent on him

You don’t want to try anything by yourself. And you don’t know what to do if he’s occupied doing something else. And now he’s boring.

4. He’s given up

He’s broken and doesn’t think he can live up to your expectations. And he might even be depressed and deep inside, a bit scared too, because he thinks he may lose you soon.

Rather than confront the problem, he chooses to play the lazy card. And that really is depressingly boring! [Read: 15 reasons why you or your partner may be getting bored with the relationship]

5. He’s lazy

You’ve tried to help him, but no matter what you do, he’s just a really lazy boyfriend and unmotivated in general. He’s just weighing the planet down, and he has no interest in planning ahead or worrying about the future. Boring? Yes, annoyingly boring!

Is he a selfish people pleaser?

This is something that can infuriate any girl. Is your boyfriend a people pleaser? Dating a helpless people pleaser can be one of the worst experiences in your life, especially if your boyfriend can’t help but be really nice to everyone but you.

If your guy is a people pleaser, he’s probably really nice and charming to others and goes out of his way to help them or make them feel comfortable, with the intention of making a great impression on them. But that means that he’s so busy pleasing everyone else, that he forgets or neglects to worry about your needs. 

You’d probably notice this every time he meets someone new for the first time. If he’s suffering from low self-esteem and craves to make a good impression on everyone he meets, you definitely need to help him see the miserable person he’s turning into. [Read: 20 signs of a people pleaser you probably don’t know!]

5 things you can do to make him less lazy

1. Communicate gently

Talk to him about how you feel, and let him know how much happier things could be if both of you could work towards the improving the relationship. But don’t nag him!

Explain your mind, avoid blaming him, and try to help him see how he’s changed for the worse in recent months. [Read: The perfect questions to ask your boyfriend to make him feel involved]

2. Get your own life

Sometimes, a guy needs his own time to realize your true worth and to sit up and realize just how lucky he is. Go out with your own friends now and then, dress up and look sexy, and have fun by yourself if he doesn’t want to go out with you. Awe him, and let him see that you don’t always need him to have fun. That’ll bring him back on his feet in no time! [Read: 23 must-know relationship tips and advice for women]

3. You can’t change him

You can only make him realize the benefits of changing himself. Don’t tell him he needs to change. Instead, let him see how much better the relationship can get when both of you take small initiatives to keep the relationship exciting and fun.

Talk to him about the long term, and let him realize that the relationship would only go downhill if both of you don’t make the effort.

4. Take baby steps

You have to take baby steps when trying to change your lazy boyfriend. Do things together. Plan things to do as a couple, and give him a few days’ notice so he doesn’t whine about it being a last-minute decision.

And even if he resists when the time comes, or complains that he’s too tired, remind him that he’s made a promise and he has to keep it. [Read: 25 things you can do to make your boyfriend feel appreciated and cared for effortlessly]

5. If you can’t beat him, join him! 

Does he love something you think is silly? The television or his video games, perhaps? When you have the time, try to get to know the things he likes and see if you can ever appreciate or enjoy his interests.

By showing interest in the things he likes, he may warm up to you and get more active, and in return, he may even want to do something you like together. Not so boring anymore now, is he?

The big test of compatibility

Sometimes, you just don’t have a choice. If you’re not happy, you’re not! You have to let go and walk away.

Some people may say you’re being selfish. But for better or worse, you can’t base your level of happiness on someone else’s expectations of happiness.

Do you think you’re asking for too much? Are other boyfriends more caring and less lazy than the one you’re dating? Are you being picky? 

And most importantly, if your boyfriend fails to change himself to make you happy, is that something you can overlook or live with for the rest of forever?

If his habits are something you aren’t ready to accept, you need to realize that this behavior of his could put an end to an otherwise perfect relationship. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]

Is the laziness bothering you, or is it something else?

A relationship is all about balance in love and trust, balance in changes both of you make for each other, and a healthy balance in things you’re willing to compromise for each other and things you won’t. [Read: 25 qualities and habits that make a great boyfriend]

When the balance in your relationship starts tilting towards the bad side, you’re obviously going to find everything about your partner annoying.

Sometimes, a lazy boyfriend isn’t the real problem. It’s the only one you can think of to point out that you’re dating someone who doesn’t make you happy.

So before you point your finger at his laziness or lack of interest in experiencing new things together, make sure you’re not just skimming the surface of a much larger issue.

[Read: The most common reasons why couples drift apart and find each other boring!]

If your boyfriend is being lazy or has gotten boring all of a sudden, communicate with him in a way that he can understand without making him feel like he’s being cornered. And if you use these tips here, it’ll definitely point you towards the first step to helping him change.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...