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Being Sneaky in a Relationship: Is It Really Such a Bad Thing?

being sneaky in a relationship

Is your partner being sneaky in a relationship? Do you worry about what it means? It’s important that you don’t always jump to conclusions!

If you find someone is being sneaky in a relationship, should you automatically jump to negative conclusions? Well, it depends.

There are certain red flags that we’re told we should look for in a relationship. We’re told that once a cheater, always a cheater. We’re told that if your partner lies once, you should be suspicious from that point onward. The list goes on.

The thing is, these so-called “rules” don’t always translate. For instance, I know people who cheated on their partners in the past but are now completely changed. I know people who have lied once or twice but did it to protect those they loved. Not everything is always as it seems.

[Read: How to handle a complicated relationship with success]

What does being sneaky in a relationship mean?

Sneaky basically means that you’re not being completely truthful and you’re being a little sly. Perhaps you go out and say you’re going one place, but actually go somewhere else. Maybe you keep a few secrets from your partner.

None of this sounds good, that’s true, but how can you be sure that the reason someone is being sneaky in a relationship is negative?

I’ll give you an example. I have a friend whose partner was sneaking around. They were saying one thing about where they were going, but they went somewhere else. They were being a little vague and generally a little off. My friend was worried, and she automatically assumed that her partner was hiding something huge and was probably cheating.

[Read: Why do people really lie in relationships? The 10 most common fibs and why we tell them]

Guess what the truth was? He was arranging a proposal and wanted it to be special.

Now, I won’t lie here, most times when someone is being sneaky in a relationship, it’s negative. It usually means they’re doing something they shouldn’t. Sometimes it does mean that they’re cheating. However, it doesn’t always have to mean that.

Don’t jump to conclusions!

[Read: The sneaky giveaways of someone who’s made up their mind to cheat]

What should you do if your partner seems to be acting a little sneaky?

Firstly, I would advise you not to panic. You cannot be sure that anything is going on and it’s very easy to look for signs that aren’t really there. For instance, you might think that someone tells one lie and they’re lying about everything from that point onward. Not necessarily. You might think that if your partner tells you they’re going somewhere and you find out there didn’t actually go there, that they’re meeting someone on the sly. Again, hold on before you jump to conclusions.

[Read: 8 scenarios when white lies can be your saviors in love]

Wait it out. Look for a few different examples. If one sneaky episode passes without another coming your way, perhaps things are more than fine. However, if you notice many episodes that you deem to be sneaky, have a conversation with your partner and see how they react.

Maybe they have no clue that their behavior is coming over to you as sneaky. However, you can tell a lot about how someone responds to this direct questioning. Do they look like they’ve been caught out? Do they stumble over their words? Look at their body language and see what you feel. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheating partner in the act]

Then, observe some more. It’s very possible that something positive is coming your way as a result of this perceived sneakiness, just like my friend! Having said that, keep the possibility of something negative in the back of your mind, almost as preparation.

Should sneakiness be a feature of a relationship?

To be honest, no. There shouldn’t be any sneaking around for a prolonged period of time in any relationship. It makes the other person feel worried and suspicious and that’s not healthy. However, it does happen, and it depends upon the reason for the sneakiness.

If someone is being sneaky in a relationship, probably seven times out of 10, it’s for a negative reason. I’d love to tell you that if your partner is sneaking around, it’s probably because they’re planning something nice, but it’s simply a possibility. You cannot be sure, which is why you need to put the brakes on those conclusions.

If you find out that your partner is being sneaky in a relationship for a reason that is less than positive, what should you do? Confront them, that’s the only option. You need to have solid proof, and that’s hard to get. The truth always comes out in the end, but if you want to cut short your misery, you have to understand what’s going on and find out sooner rather than later.

[Read: The telltale signs your relationship is doomed already]

However, there is one question we have to ask: does being sneaky in a relationship mean they can’t be trusted?

It’s certainly going to erode the trust if it carries on. It also depends upon the past behavior of your partner. If they cheated on you in the past, and you notice that they’re suddenly being sneaky, it’s going to set the alarm bells ringing. Don’t beat yourself up for this, it’s entirely normal to feel that way. However, you cannot accuse anyone of anything without proof. Just because someone is caught out being sneaky doesn’t mean they’re always doing something wrong. [Read: Cheaters gonna cheat and lie? 13 things cheaters say when confronted]

If it’s a constant feature, you should sit down and tell your partner how you feel. Sneaking around is not going to make you feel good, and you need to find out why they feel they can’t be open and honest with you.

Do they feel that if they’re truthful with you, you’re going to judge what they’re doing or laugh at them? Or, as the possibility is there, is it because it’s something that’s going to hurt you and they’re trying to cover it up? You cannot be sure until you talk to your partner. It’s possible that they may not understand that their behavior is causing you pain or suspicion.

[Read: How to rebuilt trust after even the worst betrayal]

Am I being too kind to those are being sneaky in a relationship?

I guess you could say so. The reason I’m suggesting you avoid jumping to those premature conclusions is because I’ve seen many relationships ruined by false assumptions. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s nothing to be concerned about, but I’m not going to tell you that the death toll for your relationship should be ringing in your ears either.

Wait it out and see what happens. But, if you reach a point where you’re pretty sure what’s going on isn’t going to have a happy ending, confront your partner and work out what’s really going on. Only then can you decide on your next move.

For someone who has been the victim of someone being sneaky in a relationship before, I’d tell you to be cautious but not throw blame too early. For me, the sneakiness didn’t have a happy ending, but for my friend, it did.

This type of sneaky behavior can also have a knock on effect on your future relationships. I’m quite careful about signs these days and I’m always on the lookout for any type of behavior that could signal that the past is repeating itself. However, I’m also open enough to realize that you can’t judge everyone with the same yardstick.

[Read: The most important things in a relationship that hold it together]

If someone is being sneaky in a relationship, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re up to no good. Don’t throw blame and decide that things are negative until you’re sure.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...

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