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Aromantic Asexual: A Guide to Understanding this Sexual Identity

For many of us, we’re only educated on two types of identity: heterosexual and homosexual. We limit understanding others, like the aromantic asexual.

Aromantic Asexual

It’s not your fault that you don’t know the other types of sexual identities that exist in the world. In mainstream media, we’re only shown straight or gay people. Showing these sexual identities isn’t bad, they exist so they should be exposed. However, there are many other identities in which people identify. So, if you hear terms such as aromantic asexual floating around, you may wonder what they mean.

Some people choose to keep their identity private due to the fact that others won’t understand won’t be accepting. But now, it’s time for us to take responsibility as a community and let everyone’s voice be heard.

What it means to be an aromantic asexual

I’m glad you’re here reading this. It means you actually want to know what these words mean and educate yourself on the society you live in. You could also be unsure about your sexuality. So, if this helps you narrow down what who you think you are, I’m happy to help. Consider this your guide to understanding aromantic asexual identity.

#1 What is asexuality? Before we get in more depth, it’s important to know the meanings of these two words. What is asexuality? Well, asexuality is when an individual doesn’t experience sexual attraction to another person. I know, if you’re highly sexual you may be thinking how is this even possible, but it is. Everyone is different. [Read: What it’s like for asexuals in the dating world]

#2 What is aromantic? If someone identifies as being aromantic, this means that they do not experience romantic attraction. But, they can enjoy sex. So, yes, they do have sex, but they don’t feel those butterflies when meeting someone. They’re physically and mentally attracted to people. However, their attraction ends there. [Read: 16 myths and truths about the aromantic love life]

#3 So to be an aromantic asexual person means what? If you identify as someone who’s aromatic asexual, it means you’re someone who does not experience romantic or sexual attraction. You simply like this person without any sexual or romantic motivations.

#4 You can be both. Sexuality is so fluid. You have to understand that no one on earth is 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual. Sexuality is a spectrum. It’s very normal for straight men and women to think about the same sex in a sexual way. The same goes with other sexual identities. So, yes, you can be an aromantic asexual individual. [Read: How many different kinds of romantic orientations are there?]

#5 Aromantic asexual people still have sex. Many people who are aromantic asexual are attracted to others. They’re emotionally or mentally attracted but miss the sexual attraction. Though, this doesn’t mean they don’t have sex. Though it’s not instinctive to aromantic asexual people, many in relationships still engage in sex. Though it’s not so much fun for them as it is for their partner.

#6 Aromantic people don’t have to date within the aromantic community. Wondering how people who are aromantic or aromantic asexual go about dating? Well, they don’t have to stay within that community in order to be with someone. However, when it does come to dating, they usually keep things on a very short-term basis or simply friendship.

#7 They’re not sociopaths. If you know someone who identifies as being aromantic asexual, they come across as being selfish and cold towards people’s emotions. This isn’t true. They’re not using you to cuddle or to watch movies.

They simply are not romantically or sexually attracted to people, in general. If anything, it really comes to down to your ego being sore because they don’t want to sleep with you *or really anyone else*. [Read: Reasons why empathy is important in a relationship]

#8 It’s not a choice. They didn’t choose to not feel romantic or sexual attraction towards people. Just like you or I didn’t choose to be straight, bisexual, or gay. Sexual identity isn’t something we wake up with one day and decide on because we failed a math test or fought with our mom. You simply are what you are. It’s not something anyone decides.

#9 They’re not emotionally broken. Aromantic asexual individuals are not broken people. It’s very easy to label these individuals as ones who didn’t get enough love during their childhood or had a traumatic dating life, but this isn’t the case. They simply don’t feel the emotions that typically occur when attracted to someone.

#10 Looking at love in a different way. Many people have a hard time accepting identities out of the mainstream because it changes the way they learned about love. Most societies taught us what love is in a specific way. However, aromantic asexual people do feel love. But, they see love in a non-traditional way. This doesn’t make it less or more, it’s just a different way to connect with someone. [Read: What does it feel like to be in love]

#11 When figuring out your sexuality. If you read this and try to see if you fit into one or both of these, you may be stressing out. I know you want to figure out what you feel and where it fits on the spectrum of identity, but take it easy. You don’t need to have a definite answer right now. Read through it and if you’re not sure, it’s okay.

If you want more information, the best thing you to do is visit the aromantic asexual community and talk to people. After, you may have a stronger idea of who you think you are.

[Read: 20 sexually enlightening movies all about sexuality]

Sexuality and identity are not easy to sift through. There are no limits, whatever you feel inside of you, follow that feeling. I wish you good luck on your journey of self-discovery to wherever it leads—bisexual, aromantic asexual, or heterosexual!

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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