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Demiromantic: What It Is, the Signs & Why You Take Longer to Fall in Love

Demiromanticism, demisexual, and emotional connections – where do we begin? If you take a long time to develop a romantic attraction for someone, read this. 

demiromantic signs

Are you the type who’s slow to develop a romantic attraction toward a person? So slow that it will take years and many moments of shared experiences for the slightest hint of romantic attraction and sexual attraction to others to ever occur to you? No, you’re not the cold-hearted, unloving person they accuse you to be. You’re just a demiromantic.

What’s that again?!

What does demiromantic mean?

What exactly is a demiromantic? Demiromanticism refers to a romantic identity. It is different than sexual orientation and really exists regardless of that.

Although their desires and experiences are different, someone who is demiromantic takes longer than the norm to form romantic or sexual feelings for someone until a strong and romantic enough connection is established.

In a way, demiromantics are late bloomers who only develop a romantic attraction to someone after forming a substantial emotional bond through a less intimate relationship with someone, such as a friendship.

This may not be the norm, necessarily, but there is nothing wrong with it. And demiromantics tend to have more solid and long-lasting relationships because of that slow and steady growth and foundation. [Read: Lithromantic – How it’s different, what it is, and 15 signs you may be one]

Difference between demiromantic and demisexual

Some people get the terms demiromantic and demisexual confused, so let’s talk about what’s the difference between demiromantic and demisexual.

In essence, demisexuals and demiromantics are people who need to form a strong emotional connection with someone before they feel sexual or romantic attraction to that person.

The prefix “demi” means half. So, when you’re talking about sexuality, it refers to someone who is partly sexual/romantic and partially not sexual/romantic.

A person who is demisexual lacks what is called “primary sexual attraction.” A demiromantic person’s difference is that they lack “primary romantic attraction.” 

So, now you’re probably wondering what that all means. 

[Read: Demisexual – How they feel lust and how to connect with one deeply]

Primary vs secondary attraction model for those who identify as demiromantic and demisexual

The most common theory that is used to explain these two orientations is the “Primary vs. Secondary Attraction Model.” This is a model that has been used for a long time to explain the progression of attraction in relationships.

Primary attraction is the initial attraction people feel to others. It’s that feeling of “having a crush” or “liking” someone. It usually involves sexual attraction and desire.

Secondary attraction is an emotional bond that is formed between two people. This happens when people fall in love and want to create a more long-term commitment to each other. [Read: Romantic orientation – the most common ones all of us must know]

This theory states that a person who identifies as demiromantic and demisexual doesn’t experience primary romantic attraction but will only experience secondary romantic attraction after they form a deep emotional bond.

There are a lot of intersections that can occur between demiromantics and demisexuals. Some demisexual people may also identify in the aromantic spectrum. In other words, although sexual attraction may be experienced after forming a deep emotional connection with someone, they do not experience romantic attraction at all.

Some demiromantic people identify as asexual, so they cannot feel any sexual attraction to a person. However, they may fall in love with someone after forming a close emotional bond.

A person can even identify as a grey-romantic demisexual. Or, they could be a grey-romantic hetero-demisexual. A lot of terms can be added and combined.

For some people, the number of terms they need to explain their sexuality might seem confusing to other people who don’t understand them.

Because of this, they might not even want to explain. So, they might resort to saying something like, “I’m gay, but I prefer being single.” How someone decides to describe their sexuality with different terms depends on how comfortable they are in a situation.

People who identify as demisexual can, and often do, have romantic relationships. Depending on their partner’s sexuality, these relationships might require a lot of communication to help them find something they are both comfortable with. [Read: What is pansexual? The full guide to everything you MUST know]

Demisexuality makes it hard for someone to understand how their partner feels sexual attraction to people outside of their relationship. This is because they can only feel sexually attracted to people they are emotionally close to.

For example, a demisexual would not understand why someone would have a one-night stand. And so, if their partner cheated on them, that would be devastating because they just couldn’t relate to someone’s sexual relationship or attraction to a “stranger.” [Read: Are you a sapiophile? 20 signs that make someone a lover of wit]

The subtle signs you might be demiromantic and can’t fall in love fast

From the description of a demiromantic, you can already tell that it’s not easy to fall in love with a demiromantic, especially if you’re not one. But it isn’t impossible.

If you are demiromantic, you can and will find a relationship. And once you do, it will probably be even more intense and stronger because you took longer to work on your connection. You need someone who is patient and understanding, but that isn’t unheard of.

So, is this you? If you want to find out whether or not you’re demiromantic, let’s take a look at the signs and find out.

1. There’s no such thing as “love at first sight”

Their lack of primary attraction characterizes demiromantics. These are the typical circumstances that make normal people get attracted to someone: attractive physical features, personality, and social skills, to name a few.

But, demiromantics do not catch feelings for others nor experience sexual attraction on the first date, let alone at first sight. [Read: 15 special ways true love sets itself apart]

2. Demiromantics prefer a friendship first

As mentioned, demiromantics fall in love only after the fact. And only after knowing and sharing a bond with a person through platonic friendship. Think of this as courting, if you would.

Demiromantics base their attraction towards someone on the information they get from a long friendship. As a result, the people they end up with tend to be those they have known for a long time. [Read: How to handle falling in love with your best friend]

3. You prefer other love languages over gifts

Someone doesn’t have to shower a demiromantic with material gifts if they are determined to be with one. The trick is to form a deep bond with them through shared experiences rather than plying them with material things or flaunting your best physical qualities.

Demiromantics become romantically interested in someone whom they’ve spent time with over someone who buys them gifts.

4. Demiromantics move slower

One common misconception about demiromantics is that they play hard to get by making someone go through a long courting process. It is easy to see it that way from the other person’s perspective. But the fact that demiromantics are very slow to develop romantic attraction makes this false.

People who play hard to get already have that attraction and are just making sure of their pick. On the other hand, demiromantics may not have gotten to the attraction phase just yet. They aren’t playing games; they’re taking their time.

5. Sex has nothing to do with it

As mentioned, demiromantics may be slow to develop that romantic spark. That doesn’t mean that they are not in line with their sexual desires or that they don’t enjoy physical affection. Sure, demiromantics will engage in a one-night stand if they want to, but getting into a serious romantic relationship takes quite a while.

6. Demiromantics have fewer past romantic relationships

Since demiromantics take their time to get into a serious romantic relationship, there’s a high chance they have very few past romantic relationships. Because it takes longer for them to form that connection, they wouldn’t have time to create a catalog of exes. [Read: How to fall in love slowly – 28 steps to create your own real-life fairytale]

7. You prefer long-term relationships

For demiromantics, it is not unusual for them to have longer relationships than average. Since they tend to build their current romantic relationship from a long friendship, it lacks the pitfalls of an average romantic relationship.

Compared to people who just knew each other for a short period of time, there is a better understanding of each other’s personalities, more maturity in handling problems, and a natural bond of best friends – the formula of a long relationship.

8. You can be demiromantic regardless of your sexual orientation

Being demiromantic does not lean towards any sexual or gender orientation. Males, females, gays, lesbians, and bisexuals can be demiromantics.

9. You can stay single for a long time

Due to their nature, demiromantics are not troubled by the “being single pressure” that long-time single adults tend to have. They can be in a relationship for ten years with only pets as their company yet still be cool about it.

As mentioned, demiromantics don’t actively seek out romantic relationships on their own, and that makes them predisposed to being single. [Read: Single for life – Enjoy the ride and find the one along the way]

10. You are happy without a relationship

To put it simply, romantic relationships are not something they would want to pursue actively. They aren’t eager to jump into a relationship, and neither do they require the stability of one.

If it comes, then they put it to the test with a friendship phase. If it doesn’t come, then it’s nothing to be worried about. That’s just who they are.

11. You crave open communication

To have a successful relationship as a demiromantic, they need a lot of time to get to know someone. That doesn’t mean they aren’t opening up, but that they really want to dig deep and form a stronger bond before getting into something romantic. That means they love talking and really opening up mutually.

12. You are slow to trust

Trust comes with romantic feelings. Trust also goes along with friendship. Demiromantics do not have trust issues per se, but they take a while to trust someone enough to open up and be vulnerable with them. They take a while for those romantic feelings to form as they do slowly open up. [Read: How to take your relationship slow but not too slow]

13. Demiromantics never rush things

Unlike many people who want to rush into a relationship or have full clarity on whether they are in a relationship or not, a demiromantic doesn’t crave that.

Yes, they want clarity and openness, but they don’t need to rush into anything ever. They like to take their time learning someone completely.

How long does it take for a demiromantic take to fall in love?

Obviously, everyone falls in love at their own pace. Some people fall head over heels very easily, while others take months – or even years – to actually experience feelings of love for another person. 

So, whether you’re straight, gay, bi, demiromantic, or any other sexual orientation, it’s difficult to pinpoint an exact time frame for anyone to actually fall in love.

However, for demiromantic people, romantic love takes a lot of work for them. For them, it’s complicated and even time-consuming.

So, while demiromantic people can fall in love, they are in the category of “months to even years” for how long it takes them. The reason for that is because that’s how long it takes them to start considering a person as a romantic prospect, let alone develop actual romantic feelings for them. [Read: How long does it take to fall in love – The answer to knowing for sure]

Sexual and romantic orientations can be complicated

As we have all discovered in recent decades, gender and sexuality are very complex. Several decades ago and well before that, most people thought there were just three types – straight, gay, and bisexual. But as we now know, that is not true.

That is probably why so many people are confused about their sexuality. And not just their own, but they might be equally as confused by their partner’s too. 

Knowing all the differences between how people can relate to other people romantically and sexually is important. It helps us become empathic and makes our relationships stronger.

[Read: Love is patient, love is kind: rules to experience true love]

A demiromantic is a person who falls in love after forming an emotional bond between them and the other person. If that sounds like you, you may be demiromantic. So, enjoy falling in love slowly, and more than anything else, love yourself for who you are.

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Carol Morgan LP
Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...