Home  >  Reads for Men  >  Essentials

Abusive Wife: Is Your Wife Actually Abusive and Not Just Bitchy?

Let’s be honest, all women can be abusive at times. If that is her standard, then you either have to say STOP or say goodbye to an abusive wife!

abusive wife

There’s an old saying that a wife’s job is to provide her husband peace, not pain. But, as any married woman knows, we don’t always do our job correctly. There are times when we can all be a little abusive in our words and our actions, especially when the stressors of life become too great. But, an abusive wife is a much different creature and something you don’t and shouldn’t put up with.

10 signs you have an abusive wife

Being abusive comes in many forms. Whether she withholds love from you, is an expert at silent treatment, verbal abuse, or physically abuses you, it is not okay. You are not to blame. If you are good with who and what you are, then you don’t have to stick around to take it. No matter what commitment you made.

If you stay for the kids, remember this, they see what goes on. If you have boys, you are BOTH teaching them that abusive relationships are the norm by staying. If you have girls, you teach them that it is okay to disrespect the man they enter into a marriage with.

In the end, you do no one any favors by looking the other way. For the health of you, your wife, and your children, it is time to say stop, or it is time to say goodbye for good.

#1 She talks down about you to other people. It is your partner’s job to be your best friend and your promotional agent. Even in times when you aren’t getting along, bashing you, telling your deepest secrets, or telling people what a failure you are, isn’t cool. Yes, it is highly abusive.

It is meant to put you down so you are robbed of your self-worth. She dominates your relationship and controls everyone and everything. [Read: A step-by-step guide to get out of an abusive relationship]

#2 She talks derogatorily to you all the time. If she talks to you like you are the hired help, or that she literally can’t stand you as a general tone, then that is abuse. Regardless of why she feels the need to talk to you with disdain, she has an obligation in your relationship to either come clean about what she is upset about or get over it.

Being passive aggressive by always having an underlying tone of aggressive, or even outward tone, is abusive, anyway she wants to spin it.

#3 When you don’t do what she wants, she withholds love or gives you the silent treatment until you acquiesce and give in. If she uses various forms of emotional abuse tactics like withholding sex, gaslighting, or even giving you the silent treatment at the first hint that she isn’t going to get what she wants, then she is an abusive wife.

Those things are all forms of consciously controlling the one you are with through manipulative modalities. [Read: How to take a stand against silent treatment abuse]

#4 She physically hurts you. There are times when fighting get so heated that we lose control. Occasionally you throw things like a phone or even water at someone. But, if she is not above hitting, kicking, or literally throwing things at you, she is an abusive wife.

Physical abuse usually has ways of growing into an avalanche. Once it is the norm, the hurt continues to get more dangerous. If you strike back, it gets even worse. If there is physical abuse you have to get out, period. [Read: How to recognize and end toxic relationships]

#5 She talks badly about you to your children. Children are our greatest accomplishments. If you have an abusive wife who likes to involve your children in her madness and turn them against you or ask them to take sides, that is abuse to everyone.

Kids are innocent bystanders in any relationship. They didn’t say “I do.” An abusive wife stops at nothing to make their husband miserable. That includes making the kids miserable too. Don’t let it continue.

#6 Family members become pawns in your argument. If she can’t call family members quick enough to start the gang up when pissed or doesn’t get what she wants, then that is a sign of abuse. In mature relationships, if you have an issue, it should remain between the two of you.

An argument between a couple is not a family war. If she can’t stop making it one, then that is another abusive tactic destroying everyone around you. [Read: 16 signs your wife is a narcissist who abuses you]

#7 No matter how ugly things get she never apologizes or takes back what she said. We all say super ugly things at times, especially if your relationship hits a rough patch. If she says you are a loser and that hates you in the heat of battle and doesn’t apologize, that is just abuse.

There is a good likelihood that you said some pretty ugly stuff yourself. But, if after the dust settles and you go to your separate quarters, and she can’t say she is sorry, either she is abusive or she really means it. Either way, it is not a good relationship to maintain. [Read: 21 big signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]

#8 She steals your self-esteem by criticizing your every move. If she even bitches about the way you breathe when you sleep, then she is abusive. When you are married to someone all those things that didn’t mean anything when you were dating catch up and really irritate you.

But, that goes for you both. If you can’t walk in the door without a laundry list of what a shit bag you are, then that is abuse. You don’t need to live with it anymore.

#9 She isolated you from your friends and family. If your abusive wife is so controlling that she won’t let you go anywhere, talk to anyone, do what you like to do, or follow any dreams you want, she’s an abusive wife.

There is a give and take in any relationship. If all she does is take and never lets you do what you want or sacrifices herself for your wants or needs, then not only is she selfish, she is pretty abusive. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]

#10 You are afraid of her. If you find reasons to leave town, things to do after work, or put in extra time at your job just so you don’t have to go home to her, then no matter what it is that she is doing, abusive or not, it makes your family and home life miserable. No one should live in that type of situation. It just isn’t healthy for anyone.

An abusive wife can be one of the worst things that any man can be saddled with. If she seemingly can’t ever be pleased, puts you down and in front of other people, and talks to you like she hates you, then it is time to say stop it or goodbye. Things aren’t going to get any better by ignoring it.

[Read: 16 clear signs it’s time for you to leave the relationship]

If you have tried all you know to turn the tide, put out the ultimatum that either your abusive wife changes or some major changes are going to happen like you aren’t going to be in a relationship with her anymore. 

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

Follow Julie on