Make It Official: How to Ask Her to be Your Girlfriend

Asking your date to make it official can be scary and exciting at the same time. Here’s how to ask her to be your girlfriend–and have her say yes.

how to ask her to be your girlfriend

The decision to be someone’s significant other cannot be forced or manipulated. We’re working with probability here, so your chances of being said yes to are still 50-50, especially if there aren’t any signs of it happening yet.

Being in a relationship is a big deal because a lot of things will change. Your schedule, your routine, your emotions… nearly half your life will be subject to some sort of adjustment. The good news is that it can be a positive change. Anyone would be happy to find someone to connect and share something special with, right?

Who’s your next girlfriend?

You might like a girl, but are you sure she’s girlfriend material? Do you really like her, or just the idea of being her boyfriend? We don’t have to explain the difference, because it’s obvious that being in a relationship means you should genuinely like the person you’re about to commit to.

Aside from that, is the girl you’re seeing ready for a relationship? Did she specifically state that she’s not interested in anything serious? Are you ignoring the signs that you’re nowhere near the ballpark of being her boyfriend? You need to watch out for the subtle nuances that tell you a person is not ready for a relationship, and those are pretty obvious most of the time.

When you do find a woman who is ready for a relationship, do your best to show her you care about her. Once she sees your sincerity, she might consider the idea, and maybe even tell you she feels the same way. [Read: 16 signs you’re not ready for a serious relationship]

How to ask someone to be your girlfriend

The only acceptable way to do this is by asking her point blank. You can’t expect a person to instantly assume they’re in a relationship with you. That sort of thinking usually backfires. So, when is it okay? How do you do it? Is there a universal script that people use?

Let’s just say, asking someone to be your girlfriend needs to be done in a specific context. There’s a proper time and place. Doing it in a memorable or fancy way can increase your chances for success, but the important thing is that you’ve shown your cards, and that you’ve made yourself worthy of being her significant other.

When should you ask her to be your girlfriend?

It’s best to ask this question when you are sure that you’re ready to start a relationship. Even if you end up getting rejected, you can take comfort in the fact that you know what you want, and you’re not afraid to get it.

The most appropriate time to ask this question is when you’re not doing anything else that needs your attention. Don’t ask when you’re in the middle of an activity, or while you’re crossing the street. Really–it’s common sense.

It’s not ideal for you to ask her this immediately after the first date, either. Depending on how strongly you feel about it, the earliest you can ask her is after your third date. It’s not the standard time to ask, but three dates is more than enough time to know if you want to see a person exclusively. It all depends on how you got along during those initial dates.

You can ask her the question while you’re on a date, but make sure the timing is right. Don’t blurt it out. Don’t hem and haw until your date gets annoyed. Just find a window of opportunity, and go for it. [Read: First dates moves that will guarantee a second date]

Where should you ask her?

There are a few limitations where it isn’t appropriate to ask this question. I’m assuming you know what those are–i.e. funerals, ICUs, or in the middle of a busy intersection. You know when it’s okay to say it. You should know very well where you’re not supposed to say it.

Ideally, a person will be more inclined to agree with you if you asked this question in a romantic setting. You could schedule a walk through a pretty park or ask while you’re dining in the glow of a fading sunset.

There are more than enough movies to give you an idea of the perfect location. But it would be nice if you thought things through and popped the question in a place that’s close to both your hearts, like a favorite bookstore or a known romantic landmark near home. [Read: 10 spontaneous romantic moves men should try on a date]

How should you ask her?

Asking the question seems easy enough. The build-up, however, is mildly excruciating. Not knowing the outcome can take its toll on you, so it’s best to go hard or go home. If you’re going to strike out, please do so in a big way. That way, you won’t have any regrets about the situation, since you tried your very best.

To help you in this endeavor, we’ve compiled a list of examples you can use to help you get your dream girl to become your girlfriend.

NOTE: This is a private conversation. It is not a wedding proposal that you can get away with publicly. You’re asking a girl to be your girlfriend. Don’t put too much pressure on her–or yourself.

#1 With food. You can write it with ketchup, put it on a cake, or place the note in a pizza box. It’s adorable, it’s sweet, and you can always eat the food in case you get rejected.

#2 Using a puppy or kitten. We believe this is the most effective way to ask a girl to be your girlfriend. It’s impossible to say no to an adorable kitten or puppy. Just make sure to have the puppy or kitten on hand everywhere you go, in case the girl changes her mind.

#3 With big, bold lettering. Like we said, a proposal like this should be done privately. If you’re planning on doing it at home, it won’t be too much trouble to place a big sign with lots of hearts and Xs and Os in the living room.

#4 With a gratuitous gift. Flowers, chocolates, or a teddy bear–anything that says “I like you” will do. A little bribery never hurt anyone’s chances, right?

#5 A playlist. It’s so corny, it might actually work. A lot of people are very into music these days. Once you find something to tug at your partner’s musical heart strings, you can pop the question or allow the music to work its magic on your girl. [Read: 10 awesome songs for that special someone]

#6 After a kiss. She allowed you to kiss her! It might be a good time to ask her where she thinks this is going. But as we said, try not to do this after the first date. [Read: 6 signs she’s ready for you to kiss her]

#7 During a hug. Don’t judge a person just because the only contact they’ll allow is a hug. It’s still a very personal gesture, and can serve as an opening for you to tell her that you want to date her exclusively.

#8 Sincerely. Apart from the kittens and puppies, this is your best bet in asking her if she wants to go steady. And maybe even all the way! Barring the outdated dating statements that I just used, you can never go wrong with honesty and sincerity.

Even if it doesn’t end up the way you expected it to, you still followed your gut instinct and took a chance. Not much can be said for people who keep second-guessing themselves in the same situation. The point is, you’ll never know what can happen if you don’t try. As long as you’re not stepping on anyone’s toes, asking a person for a commitment is all well and good.

[Read: How to confess your love to a girl and not get rejected]

Remember, there are only two outcomes: one will allow you to learn from your past mistakes and help you avoid future rejection, while the other will end with you getting an awesome girlfriend and a possible lasting relationship.

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Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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