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All’s Fair in Love And War: Why You Need to Pursue What You Want

Time heals all wounds, but not regrets or “what if” questions. If you love someone who isn’t yours, all’s fair in love and war. You have to go for it!

all's fair in love and war

The phrase all’s fair in love and war is one that we all use, but rarely stop to examine what it really means. It means that, literally, the things you do out of hate or love are all fair. Whether you believe that is true or not, there are many socially acceptable things that are ONLY acceptable when you do them in the name of love or hate.

It isn’t okay if you kill someone for their money, but if you are in a war, killing someone becomes acceptable. In the same respect, it isn’t cool when you sleep with your best friend’s girlfriend, unless, of course, you use the word love. If you just wanted to shag her, unacceptable. Love her, acceptable.

The night before I married my husband, a friend of mine who I had known for years sought me out to tell me that he wanted to talk. He confessed to me that he has always loved me and hoped he would have his chance. He bent forward and kissed me.

Shocked, I didn’t really react. Looking back all those years, I am sure that he is okay with doing what he did. I haven’t seen him but a handful of times since then, but I also know that if he hadn’t had at least given it a shot, he would have wondered forever. When I told my husband, he was totally okay with it. He knew what my decision was and that all’s fair in love and war. [Read: 20 unmistakable signs your friend is totally crushing on you]

All the reasons why all’s fair in love and war

They say that love is the closest emotion to hate. Both love and hate can drive you to do things that you wouldn’t normally do. Hate can drive you crazy and love even crazier. That is why, if you are in love with someone, you have to do what it takes to win them over.

If you believe in a soul mate, and there is only one person out there who is for you, then you have to take the chance to win their heart when you can. That means doing it at any cost to you – professionally, personally, or physically.

#1 You only get one shot. If you subscribe to the notion that there is only one true love for you or a “soul mate,” then you only have one shot at finding the right person.

Loving someone who loves someone else is a sticky situation, especially if you know the two people intimately. The problem is that if you don’t try, you could end up losing your one chance at love. [Read: In love with two people? This is how to make up your mind]

#2 You don’t ever want to look back and have regrets. Life is about living to the fullest and never having any regrets. Some of us have that one person that we look back at and think “what if?” The best way to never wish you had a time machine to do things over is to never make any decisions that can end in regret.

That works both for decisions made and decisions not made *especially if it requires you to step outside of your comfort zone*. Don’t resign yourself to saying you didn’t have a choice when you did. Deep down, you know that it may not be easy, but living with regret forever or “what if” questions are even worse. [Read: 5 life-altering questions you can learn from regret]

#3 If you don’t fight for love, what is worth fighting for? There aren’t many things in this life that are worth fighting for. Sure, we fight with people daily, but at the end of the day, the argument is lost or forgotten. If you don’t fight for love, then what else is there? Because all’s fair in love and war.

Love is one of the most beautiful and miraculous feelings you can experience. Don’t let it go because you think it isn’t the right time, or that you don’t want to get things messy. Things get messy; that is life.

No one makes it through unscathed. Sometimes you have to get your hands a little wet to get the thing that makes you happiest. [Read: If you love someone, should you really let them go?]

#4 People will forgive you. If you are in love with someone and you have to put it out there and tell them how you feel, then people will forgive you. If it is your friend’s girlfriend or someone else in your life, if it is true love, then they will forgive you. Remember, all’s fair in love and war.

In the end, you have to realize that you are doing everyone a favor. If you are meant to be with someone, and it is fate, then they are your lobster.

If you know that you are perfect for someone and will work every day to make them happy, then you have an obligation to take a chance. Other people involved will forgive you when they see how perfect you are for one another.

#5 What seems like a major deal won’t be over time. Do you ever think about the time that your grammar school friend and you got into a fight and said you didn’t ever want to speak again?

Sure, those times in our lives that are the hardest stick with us most, but in the end, they are never as bad or as major as we think they are. What is today’s news is tomorrow’s trash? It doesn’t matter what scandal you cause by going for your love and playing all’s fair in love and war – it won’t be remembered twenty years from now. [Read: Do you like your friend’s girlfriend? Here’s your next move]

If it is remembered, then it will most likely be because you made a life change that set the course for your future. If not, then you learned that your love wasn’t real. Either way, it won’t be a big deal as time goes on. Letting someone go may haunt you forever.

#6 Life in the sun, love by the moon. You wouldn’t take something from someone right out in the open – that isn’t acceptable. We have different rules of conduct for how we deal with our daily lives and reality, and what we will do for love.

Love has special circumstances that have no rules. If you are always trying to play nice and go along with societal obligations, then you are going to miss out on some of the most spectacular things in life.

Living by the moon means putting it all on the line and doing things that aren’t characteristic, but loving with all that you are. Sometimes that means taking chances that you wouldn’t ordinarily take. Love has no rules, nor does it come with instructions. Once it takes hold, however, you have to let the spirit guide you. [Read: 19 life quotes to motivate you to lead a better life]

The phrase, all’s fair in love and war is true. The deepest emotions we can feel can make us react, act, and sometimes break all the rules that society holds. In the end, however, you never want to look back and wish that you would have gone for it.

The people in your life want you to be happy. So whether it is a best friend’s girlfriend or someone you don’t even know, what seems like a big deal now won’t be in the future.

What will be a big deal is if you don’t go for it with all that you are and ensure that you never look back and think “what if?” Time heals all wounds, but it doesn’t ever heal questions or regrets – those stick around forever.

[Read: Love triangles and all it’s confusing complications]

If you have someone you are willing to fight for, even if they don’t know or are a forbidden love, you have to follow your heart. Because all’s fair in love and war.

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Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

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