Dating a guy is complicated enough, but some things are even more difficult to navigate. What does it mean when a guy has mommy issues?
If there’s one permanent fixture in a guy’s life, it is his mom. After all, it’s his mom who loved them first, whom they loved first too—and the first woman who could have broken his heart. Figuring out if your man has mommy issues is what we’re here to help you understand.
We all know mothers are caring and affectionate. They cater to the needs of their children, even well before birth and up until they grow up and have children of their own. Many men adore their mothers because of their close bond.
Growing up without a mother figure
Their mothers have taught them how to treat other women in their lives. However, growing up without a mother figure also molds men to be different people. Ultimately, treating other women differently. Ultimately, the presence of mothers in their lives has a huge impact as they grow up from being boys to men who in turn become husbands and daddies.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet. You’re just dating this guy with no plans of taking the relationship to another level unless you figure out if he has mommy issues because not a week goes by that he goes out to take his mom to dinner.
What does it really mean when we say that a guy has mommy issues? We break it all down below:
#1 Constant contact with mommy. Your boyfriend does not live with his mom *anymore*, but he may just as well because he is always on the phone with her. It’s either he calls his mom every day, or his mom contacts him.
Either way, not a day goes by when they don’t talk, and his mom knows how his day went more than you do. And if he also spends most of his spare time with her *he just cancelled on your weekend together just to drive to his mom’s* then you know by now his mom always comes first. [Read: 22 big early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
#2 Avoids anything that has to do with his mom. On the other end of the mommy issues spectrum is the detached son. He never talks about his mom. You never even know if he talks to his mom. This leads you to wonder if his mom is dead, in jail, out of the country, heaven-knows-what.
Could it be they had a fight? You don’t want to be nosy early in the relationship and each time you try to start a conversation about his mom, he avoids it. In this case, you must be patient.
He may have had a rocky childhood growing up with his mom, and from here on he hates all women—you never know until it comes out straight from his mouth. If one day he starts talking about how all women are the same, then it’s your cue to run.
#3 He is suspicious and insecure. A man with mommy issues most likely experiences trust issues. He doesn’t trust other women because his mother, whom he once looked up to, let him down. Because of that, all the women he gets into a relationship with constantly must prove they can be trusted.
Your guy always needs you to verify everything you say or do. He contacts your friends to ask if you were really with them, and he also checks your phone and online accounts. The lack of trust harbored towards his mom while he was growing up is now being channeled to all the women he interacts with. [Read: 15 questions to reveal a controlling personality instantly]
#4 He is disrespectful to women. Men with mommy issues also tend to be disrespectful to women. If your guy is like this, you will find that you constantly have to excel in what you do and work extra hard to gain his respect.
Your guy may need you to be so much more than an average woman, expecting a lot from you, before he respects you. Meanwhile, you may find him looking down on other women who don’t fit the idea of a “decent, respectable woman” in his head.
And if you yourself don’t fit that mold, he will not care about what you say or do, and may belittle your opinions like you don’t know what you are talking about.
#5 He is a big cheater. There will be men who didn’t have a mother figure in their lives. If your boyfriend is like this, his mom may have become the center of his life as a child, but then his mother left him, thereby causing a big void in his life.
When this happens, he may grow up trying to fill the empty spot his mom left. Eventually, this will be reflected in his interactions and relationships, wherein he would tend to have more than one woman in his life. Aside from you, for example, he will have another woman for sex, another for companionship, a different woman when he goes to a different place, and another woman to mentally challenge him.
#6 He always thinks you will hurt him. Whatever you do, he takes as a vendetta against him, like all women are out to hurt him. His ex-wife divorced him, his ex-girlfriend cheated on him, and you are going to break his heart too. This is because he may have an abusive or absentee mom, and back then, he didn’t understand why his mom left him, or he was badly hurt by his mom.
Now that he’s grown up, he expects to be treated like a prince, or else you’ll be “just like them.” So even if you just don’t feel like going out that night because you are PMSing, and you need to wake up early tomorrow for a presentation, he complains about how you treat him. Never seeing that maybe HE is the problem. [Read: Dumb things we do in the name of love]
#7 He feels entitled. If he grew up being the apple of his mom’s eyes and gets the royal treatment each time he comes home to his parents, then you have a pampered little boy in a man’s body. Growing up where his mom gives him whatever he wants gives him a false sense of entitlement. He feels like he deserves to get what he wants even if he doesn’t work hard for it.
Observe this by the way he treats his mom. If she helps him and he acts like he deserves the help and doesn’t say “Thanks,” then he will definitely act that way with you.
Besides, he always expects to have his mom clean up his mess for him and would often act irresponsibly. So, if you’re in a relationship with this kind of man, and he expects you to come feed and walk his dog and clean up his place for him, don’t expect to have a “Thank you, dear” coming your way anytime soon. [Read: Books that will teach you lessons about your love life]
#9 He will do everything his mother says. If he is emotionally enmeshed with his mom *mama’s boy* then you can expect him to go to all lengths to please his mom. When his mom comes over to meet you for the first time, he will tell you to dress a certain way, not talk about certain topics, cook her favorite dish a certain way, do this, do that… In other words, he wants so hard to please his mom. And you also have to at the expense of your own authenticity and security.
Your boyfriend feels very self-conscious when his mom is around, and it’s highly likely he will have a hard time forgiving you if you ever upset her with a supposedly innocent comment about her hair that got her eyebrows shooting up as she smirks at him.
You can help him to some extent, but at the end of the day, he must deal with it by himself. If he cannot get past his past and continues to be an asshole to you, then maybe it is time to pack your bags and get away from him and his mommy issues.
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Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...