Dacryphilia: The Meaning, Why Tears Arouse & 18 Signs and Ways to Try It
Ever felt strangely aroused and turned on while watching someone cry? That intense moment might not be random. Welcome to the world of dacryphilia.
Dacryphilia sounds weird, but it’s more common than you think. Ever had one of those moments where you were crying, maybe after a messy fight, or during that gut-punch of a sad movie, and somehow, in all that vulnerability, you and your partner ended up making out?
Not just kissing. Like, hungry, hands-everywhere, soul-grabbing kissing.
Do you remember that sex? Was it more passionate than usual? Did it feel more intense? And somehow, running your lips against those tears didn’t feel weird. It felt… kind of hot. Maybe even arousing.
Was it comfort sex? Make-up sex? Or was one of you, maybe both, quietly turned on by the way the other looked with tears on their cheeks?
[Read: Make Up Sex: How to Feel Hornier, Naughtier & Closer After a Fight in Love]
If you’ve ever felt that strange mix of tenderness, intensity, and something deeper, you’re not alone. There’s actually a name for this emotional, erotic reaction to tears.
It’s called dacryphilia, and it’s probably more common than you think.
What is Dacryphilia? The Kink You Didn’t Know Had a Name
Dacryphilia, also known as dacrylagnia, is the experience of feeling turned on by tears or crying. And no, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or messed up.
If anything, it often points to a craving for emotional intimacy so raw, it blurs the line between empathy and arousal. [Read: Sexual Intimacy: The Meaning, 20 Signs You’re Losing It & Secrets to Grow It]
Imagine someone’s face mid-cry: flushed cheeks, lips parted, voice trembling, eyes glossy. For many, that moment isn’t just moving, it’s intoxicating.
It’s the kind of vulnerability that makes you want to hold them, soothe them… or kiss the tears right off their face.
For some, it’s the emotional closeness. For others, it’s about being in control, or surrendering completely.
Dacryphilia can show up in comforting moments, in deeply connected sex, or in more dominant/submissive dynamics.
And like most things in sexuality, it lives on a spectrum. For some people, it’s a soft and tender turn-on. For others, it’s wrapped in the erotic energy of unraveling control, giving in to feeling, and letting go.
Some of the earliest documented research on dacryphilia was done by psychologists Mark Griffiths and Daryl Greenhill in 2014. They studied individuals who reported sexual arousal from tears and found three major themes driving the kink: emotional vulnerability, erotic dominance, and deep empathetic connection.
📚 Source: Griffiths, M. D., & Greenhill, D. (2014). Dacryphilia: A case study of sexual arousal from tears.
Why Do Some People Get Turned On by Tears?
The idea of someone crying turning you on might sound weird at first, until you realize how deeply tears are tied to emotional intensity. And for some people, that intensity is what makes sex (or connection) feel electric. [Read: 25 Ways to Emotionally Connect with Someone & Instantly Feel Closer]
1. Emotional Vulnerability is Hot
Tears are one of the rawest displays of human emotion. They expose the softest parts of us. And for someone with dacryphilia, that emotional nakedness feels just as intimate, sometimes more, than physical nakedness.
When someone cries, they’re not performing. They’re not posturing. They’re just feeling.
And that honesty? That realness? It can feel intoxicating to witness, especially if you’re someone who craves closeness, caretaking, or emotional depth.
2. Caretaking Kinks & Empathy-Driven Arousal
Some dacryphiles describe their arousal as being less about control and more about compassion. They feel turned on by the need to protect, nurture, or comfort their partner.
It’s less “I love seeing you cry,” and more “I love being there for you when you cry.”
3. Power Dynamics: Dominance and Submission
On the flip side, dacryphilia can also live in the world of BDSM. Some people feel turned on when a partner cries because it reflects surrender, release, or emotional overwhelm.
Tears can signal that someone has let go of control. And in a consensual D/s (dominance/submission) dynamic, that emotional unraveling can heighten arousal for both partners.
For the dominant, it may feel like deep psychological power. For the submissive, the act of being emotionally seen and held can trigger intense intimacy.
Of course, this only works when there’s trust, aftercare, and open communication. But when done right, dacryphilia in BDSM isn’t about cruelty, it’s about surrender, emotional exposure, and connection on another level. [Read: BDSM: What It Is, 54 Sexy Tips, Tricks & BSDM Ideas to Try It for the First Time]
How to Know If You (or Your Partner) Might Be Into Dacryphilia
Clinically, dacryphilia is sometimes classified as a paraphilia, a sexual interest outside the so-called “norms.”
But in real life, it often lives in a much more relatable space: the craving for emotional intensity, raw vulnerability, and the kind of connection that stirs something deeper.
And honestly? If you’ve ever found yourself scrolling Reddit, reading steamy fanfic (hi, Act Your Age, Eve Brown) or getting hot watching a crying confession on TikTok, you’re not alone. There’s an entire undercurrent of people realizing they’ve been into this without even knowing what to call it.
You don’t need a formal diagnosis or a kink checklist to wonder if dacryphilia is something you’ve felt before. Sometimes, it sneaks up on you. In the middle of a fight. During a dramatic breakup scene in a movie. Or in that strange, sensual pause after someone wipes away a tear.
So how do you know if you or your partner might be into dacryphilia? Let’s turn the lights down low and ask the right questions, the kind that linger in your chest when you think about them later.
1. You’ve felt aroused by someone crying, even if you didn’t expect to.
Not in a twisted, cruel way. But in a way that caught you off guard. Maybe it was how vulnerable they looked. Maybe it was the closeness, the emotion, the softness. You didn’t plan to get turned on, it just… happened.
2. Tears bring out your need to protect, comfort, or control.
Does seeing someone cry stir something primal in you? Do you want to hold them, hush them, kiss their cheeks, or maybe even see how far they’ll break before they beg for your touch? Whether it’s tender or dominant, that emotional intensity could be part of the kink.
3. Make-up sex hits differently.
Is it just makeup sex… or is it the emotional rollercoaster that arouses you? If heightened emotion, especially tears, makes sex feel deeper, more intense, more consuming… that might be your hint.
4. You’ve fantasized about someone crying during sex.
Not in a violent or non-consensual way. But maybe in that emotionally overwhelmed, lost-in-the-moment way. That sob-while-climaxing kind of fantasy.
If that thought has ever turned you on, there might be some dacryphilic energy in you. [Read: Crying During Sex: What It Means and How You Can End the Tears]
5. You’re drawn to sad scenes or emotional breakdowns in media.
Do you find yourself extra glued to emotionally raw scenes in shows or movies? Do those moments stir more than just tears? Sometimes our subconscious leads the way with what it wants, even in fiction.
6. You crave emotional intimacy that feels so intense it turns physical.
You want to feel your partner’s soul. Their cracks. Their breaking points. You want the kind of intimacy that goes beyond eye contact and lands in the space between crying and kissing. If that’s your thing? This might be your kink. [Read: 12 Stages of Physical Intimacy & 18 Truths to Go from Strangers to Lovers]
7. You’re turned on by emotional overwhelm, even outside of tears.
It’s not always about crying. Sometimes, it’s that breathy pause before someone breaks. The shaky voice. The red eyes. The way someone tries to hold it together and fails. That moment of unraveling can be just as arousing as the tears themselves.
8. You’ve cried during sex, and it felt cathartic, even arousing.
Not because it was painful or sad, but because the intimacy was so deep it made your walls collapse.
If you’ve ever cried mid-orgasm, or right after, and felt more connected, that emotional-sexual crossover could be a sign you’re wired for this.
9. You associate emotional safety with sexual attraction.
Do you only really want someone when you feel safe enough to fall apart in front of them? Or when they fall apart in front of you? If your libido is tied to emotional honesty, that might be a softer version of dacryphilia.[Read: How to Emotionally Connect with a Man & Find a Deeper Connection]
Don’t worry. You’re not broken, weird, or too much. Dacryphilia doesn’t always look like a full-blown fetish. Sometimes, it’s just the way your body responds to deep, emotional connection. [Read: Emotional Connection: 38 Signs, Secrets & Ways to Build a Real Bond]
And if it’s consensual, emotionally safe, and rooted in respect? It’s just another flavor of human intimacy.
How to Explore Dacryphilia With a Partner (Without Making It Weird)
Dacryphilia is one of those kinks that lives in the gray area between emotional and erotic. So if you want to explore it with someone, the key isn’t just seduction, it’s trust.
1. Start with vulnerability, not kink talk.
Don’t open with “Hey babe, I think I’m into your tears.” Instead, open up about how much emotional closeness turns you on.
Say something like, “I feel most connected to you when we’re real and raw with each other… even when things get emotional.” Let the deeper craving lead the conversation.
2. Bring it up during a natural moment.
If your partner ever cries during a vulnerable talk or a movie, that might be your window.
Gently say, “There’s something really intimate about seeing you like this. I don’t know why, but I find it incredibly beautiful.” Watch their reaction, and let the door open naturally. [Read: Crying Orgasm: Show Your Partner How to Get You Off This Way]
3. Use media as a springboard.
Seen a scene in a movie or show where someone cries and it leads to a passionate kiss or moment? Use that as a bridge. “That scene kind of turned me on, is that weird?” (Spoiler: if they say no, they might be into it too.)
4. Test the waters in bed.
If your partner ever gets emotional during sex, or even after, don’t rush to shut it down. Try holding them closer. Kissing their face softly. Saying, “This makes me feel even more connected to you.” Let that intimacy flow instead of fixing it.
5. Talk about it outside the moment.
When things are calm, bring it up playfully but honestly. “I read this article about dacryphilia, people getting turned on by tears, and I kinda realized I relate to it more than I expected.” Keep the tone curious, not clinical. [Read: Pity Sex: What It Is, Why We Have It & Signs You’ve Pity Slept with Someone]
6. Always prioritize consent and aftercare.
If tears are ever intentionally invited into a sexual dynamic, talk beforehand. Make sure your partner is emotionally safe and genuinely okay with exploring that space. And afterward? Cuddle. Talk. Decompress. Aftercare is not optional, it’s essential.
Exploring dacryphilia doesn’t mean turning sadness into sex. It means recognizing that for some people, intimacy is hottest when it’s raw, messy, and emotionally charged.
When done right, it can feel like soul-to-soul connection with a side of heat. [Read: Soul Connection: What It Means, 8 Types and 16 Signs to Find & Recognize It]
Dacryphilia Sounds Strange, But Who Cares As Long as You Both Enjoy It
Dacryphilia might sound strange at first, until you realize how deeply human it is to be drawn to someone in their most vulnerable, emotional moments. It’s not about pain. It’s about closeness. It’s about feeling so safe with someone that even your tears become beautiful, even your breakdowns feel intimate.
So if you’ve ever found yourself turned on by a partner’s vulnerability, or felt that confusing ache between comfort and desire, you’re not alone. You’ve just stumbled into one of the most emotionally charged, soul-shaking kinks out there.
[Read: Meaning of Safe Words, Best Examples & 27 Ways to Use Them in Rough Play]
And if you’re lucky enough to explore dacryphilia with someone who gets it? That’s not weird. That’s magic.. It means recognizing that for some people, intimacy is hottest when it’s raw, messy, and emotionally charged. When done right, it can feel like soul-to-soul connection with a side of heat.
