Women will notoriously send men mixed signals to try and get their attention. One minute she’ll be laughing at all of your jokes, slipping her hand across your shoulder, and twirling her hair at you from across the room with those sensual, flirtatious eyes… Then the next minute she’s ignoring your texts for days and acting like you’re the last person she would ever want to be around.
So what gives?
It’s practically infamous that women play hot and cold, or hard to get – and not only do they play, but they are masters at the game. Your first step in solving the almost in-crackable code is to find out why women do this in the first place.
Why do women do it?
So why all the mind games? Sending mixed signals can easily be a defense mechanism for women who have been hurt in the past. But it can also be an effort for a woman who wants to assert their dominance over a guy she likes. There is a rush behind the chase that both sexes find alluring, and as long as an innocently laid out sexy chase doesn’t make you end up pulling your hair at every twist and turn, then what’s the harm?
In truth, women play hard to get for every reason under the sun:
She likes you, she *doesn’t* like you. She’s trying to get you to chase her, she wants to know you’re really into her. She’s playing with you for a laugh, she likes the attention without attachment. It might even be that she really does want something to happen between the two of you, but wants to maintain the aspect of control.
The most common answer? She probably likes you and she wants to see if you feel the same way. She’ll push you to the brink of madness to figure it all out. [Read: 10 ways to read mixed signals]
What should you do when she gives mixed signals?
Should you give mixed signals back? Should you confront her? Should you confess your undying love? Here’s you ultimate game plan.
#1 Flirt back – innocent to hardcore. If your female friend is flirting your way, flirt back. Send her overly cutesy text messages with an emoticon or two. Use your sarcastic wit to make her laugh. Just play along with her flow.
If you’ve done the mild flirtation or even tried to return her “hot and cold” with confusing results, then you’ve got to step it up and really get her attention.
If she’s been stringing you along in a flirtatious battleground, then your best strategy is to force her hand, so to speak. Make her choose whether she wants to be with you or not by amping up your efforts. Ask her out on a non-date night scenario, such as dinner and a movie. It’s innocent enough for friends, flirtatious enough to be a date. [Read: 20 signs of attraction in a conversation]
While on your faux date, make sure that you’re…
#2 Being attentive. It’s utterly important for the sake of your sanity that you be attentive during your “date”, and that doesn’t mean simply opening the car door for her. Be mindful and pay attention to all of her signals when you’re out on your “non-date” date. If she’s really interested, then she’ll send you some obvious hints…
Laughing. Trust us, you’re not as funny as women let you believe you are. If you’ve made an obvious dumb joke and your girl has given you a laugh or a round of applause, this is a good sign.
Texting. Yes, we live in a never-ending world of social media, but if she’s taking time out of your first faux date to check her Instagram or hashtag her Twitter about the new movie you just saw, she’s probably viewing your outing as a “friendly” dinner. If a girl really likes you, she’s going to put the phone on silent for your first date.
Blushing. Unlike a cute text or over-emphasised laugh, this is something that women just can’t fake. If your girl gets rosy when you get in close or make her smile, then odds are she’s not just leading you on. [Read: How to compliment a girl and make her blush]
Touching. Quite like a man, if a woman likes what she sees, she’s probably going to try and cop a feel at one point or another. Pay close attention to the brush of a bicep, touch of the hair, or if she tries to sit next to you or makes an obvious “Put your arm around me” motion.
#3 Consider your standing. You know yourself. Are you the type of person who can let this go, even if it goes nowhere? Even if she’s one of your best friends, resentment can grow when you keep getting a whole lot of nothing from her and you may end up having to either talk it out, or take a step back.
If you’re just about ready to quit the game of mixed signals and you’re ready to bite the bullet and bring it up, then you need to do a bit of consideration before-hand. Who is this woman in your life? Do you like her back? Are you just pressured to flirt back because she’s sending you mixed signals?
Is she your friend? Ask yourself, how long have you been friends for, and if you’ve come to like her. What if you ask her out and the answer is no? Was it worth losing your friendship over? On the other hand, if she does like you and doesn’t know how to say it and then you give up the chase, will you be missing out on something potentially amazing?
Do you work, or go to college together? If so and she gives you a big fat “I was just playin'” answer, how will this affect the time you will be forced to spend together professionally? [Read: How to tell if she sees you as more than a friend]
You will want to consider your standing before you…
#4 Get it out in the open. Flirting and mixed signals can start out as a sexy get-to-know-you game, but nobody deserves to be strung along or jerked around. If you just can’t take the suspense any longer, or you’re getting sick of trying to solve the mystery, then it’s time to get it all out in the open.
Approach your girl calmly, so she doesn’t feel on edge when you ask the big question, and find a sexy way to bring it up, so that if things go in your favor she’ll still have a cute story to tell her girlfriends, instead of: “He screamed at me by the water cooler and ran off!”
With the most charming, take-charge attitude you can muster, tell her you’ve been playing cat and mouse long enough and you want to take her out on a real date.
Now you’ll have your answer. If she says yes, then high-fives all around to you Mr. Charming, you got the girl, at least for now. If she says no, then at least you can drop all the suspense and carry on with whatever you were doing before this whole mixed signals game got started.
[Read: How to avoid falling into her friend zone]
Dating is, and forever will be, a labyrinth of confusion where one side is always trying to spot the other out of their emotional maze. Confusing as it may be, try to enjoy the chase, play along with the game of mixed signals, and you just might end up getting what you want.
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Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peo...
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