45 BIG Things to Do Before Getting Married (That Truly Prepares You for It)
Before you say “I do,” make sure you’ve said yes to your independence, growth, and self-love. Here are all the things to do before getting married, for real.
So you’re deciding on marriage, or wondering about that next stage in life, and a thought pop up – What are the things to do before getting married? What if you’re not ready? What if it’s all happening too fast?!
Here’s a hot take no one tells you: marriage isn’t the finish line. It’s not the reward for surviving the dating jungle or a badge for finally being ‘chosen.’ Getting married is not the end of becoming, it’s just a new chapter. And you want to walk into it whole, happy, and ready, not secretly wondering if you missed out on something.
Most people ask, “Am I ready to get married?” but what they really mean is, “Have I lived enough? Am I going to lose myself in this? Will I regret not doing more before settling down?”
This list isn’t about fear or doubt. It’s about confidence. You should feel so damn good about who you are, what you’ve lived, and what you’re capable of that you’re not entering marriage hoping it saves or completes you. You’re entering it as the best version of yourself.
So let’s talk about the real things to do before getting married, not just ticking boxes, but transforming your life.
Why This Matters: The Psychology Behind It
There’s this beautiful theory in psychology called Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development. Before you get to the stage of intimacy vs. isolation (aka love and marriage), you have to complete identity vs. role confusion.
In plain English: you need to know who you are before you can truly share your life with someone else.
If you don’t, you risk molding yourself into someone else’s idea of a spouse, constantly seeking validation, or expecting love to fix what only you can heal.
Marriage isn’t a therapy session or a personality makeover. It’s a partnership, and that means showing up as your whole damn self.
Studies also show that emotional maturity, self-awareness, and relationship skills (like communication and conflict resolution) are strong predictors of marital satisfaction. Not the wedding venue. Not how long you’ve been together. Not even your zodiac compatibility (sorry, Geminis).
[Read: 20 Signs of Emotional Maturity & Traits that Reveal a Mature Mind]
📚 Source: Erikson’s Psychosocial Development Theory
📚 Source: Collins & Read, 1990. Attachment styles and adult relationships
📚 Source: Lavner, J.A., Karney, B.R., & Bradbury, T.N. (2013). Newlyweds’ optimism and marital satisfaction
The Must-Know Things to Do Before Marriage to Get You Ready For It
Ready? Let’s get into the things to do before getting married, the honest, deep, and transformative version.
Know Yourself First (Personal Identity & Emotional Maturity)
Before you figure out how to share a life, you need to figure out how to be one. This section is about getting clear on who you are when no one else is shaping you.
1. Live Alone
You learn a lot about yourself when you’re the only one making the bed, paying the bills, and deciding what leftovers count as dinner.
Living alone teaches self-discipline, comfort in solitude, and the underrated skill of dancing like an idiot in your kitchen without judgment. [Read: Living Alone: 41 Must-Knows, Signs You’re Ready & the Secrets to Thrive]
2. Enjoy Your Own Company
Can you take yourself on a solo coffee date without constantly reaching for your phone?
Spending time alone without feeling awkward or anxious is a powerful sign that you genuinely like who you are. That confidence carries over into every relationship you build.
3. Know Your Core Values
Your values are your inner compass. If you don’t know what you stand for, it’s easy to get lost trying to fit into someone else’s world.
Take the time to define what matters to you, family, honesty, independence, adventure, and make sure your future aligns with those values. [Read: How to Know Your League in Dating Terms: Focus on What Truly Matters]
4. Explore Your Emotional Patterns
Do you ghost when you’re upset? Do you bottle things up until you explode? These patterns don’t magically disappear after marriage, they just get louder.
One of the big things to do before you get married is learning your emotional patterns. Understanding your emotional habits helps you stop repeating cycles and start building healthier reactions. [Read: How to Stop Being Emotionally Dependent on Your Boyfriend and Grow]
5. Understand Your Attachment Style
Do you chase closeness or avoid it? Do you feel secure or fear abandonment? Knowing your attachment style helps you recognize why you react the way you do in love.
This self-awareness makes for fewer fights and deeper connections. [Read: Ambivalent Attachment Style: Is It a Recipe for Heartbreak?]
6. Make Peace With Past Relationships
You can’t build something lasting on a foundation of unresolved pain. If you’re still bitter about your ex or afraid of being hurt again, it’s time to process and let go.
Healing isn’t about forgetting, it’s about freeing yourself to love better next time. [Read: How to Talk about a Past Relationship & Not Piss Your Partner Off]
7. Learn to Self-Validate
Your worth isn’t defined by someone choosing you. Learn to comfort yourself, hype yourself up, and remind yourself that you’re enough, with or without a partner.
The more secure you feel internally, the less you’ll need constant reassurance externally.
8. Develop Emotional Language
Being able to say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and I need a break” beats passive-aggressive silence every time. The more clearly you can express your emotions, the less likely you are to explode or shut down in relationships.
9. Get Comfortable With Boredom
Every relationship has slow seasons. If you’re addicted to constant highs, you might mistake peace for lack of passion.
Learning to sit with quiet moments helps you appreciate the beauty of stability instead of chasing chaos. [Read: 14 Signs You’re Getting Too Comfortable with Each Other]
10. Learn to Be Wrong Gracefully
Marriage will test your pride. Being able to admit you were wrong, without deflecting, blaming, or spiraling into shame, is a gift to your future partner. Humility keeps love alive when egos want to take over.
Build a Life You Love on Your Own (Independence & Self-Reliance)
Before you become part of a “we,” build a “me” that feels strong, stable, and joyful on its own. This section is about crafting a life that excites you, not one you’re waiting for someone else to complete. [Read: 16 Common Relationship Tips that Ruin Your Love Life]
11. Travel Solo
One of those unique things to do before getting married is this – Travel. Nothing reveals who you are like navigating a foreign country alone with no Wi-Fi and an accidental booking in the wrong timezone.
Traveling solo teaches confidence, flexibility, and the joy of experiencing the world on your own terms.
12. Set and Protect Your Boundaries
Before you’re compromising in marriage, you need to know what your personal lines are. Can you say no without guilt? Can you stand up for yourself kindly but firmly? Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re the doors to healthy connection. [Read: Boundaries in a Relationship: 43 Healthy Dating Rules You MUST Set Early On]
13. Discover What Makes You Come Alive
What do you do that makes you forget to check your phone?
Whether it’s painting, rock climbing, poetry, coding, or cooking, find the things that make you feel like you. You deserve a life that’s vibrant even without a partner.
14. Make a Big Decision By Yourself
Whether it’s moving cities, changing careers, or cutting off a toxic friend, do something bold without needing someone else to co-sign it. That inner compass will be your superpower in marriage. [Read: 10 Decisions You Should Never Let Your Partner Make For You]
15. Learn to Emotionally Self-Regulate
Before you ask a partner to “handle you at your worst,” make sure you know how to soothe yourself first.
Learn to calm your anxiety, ride out anger, and sit with discomfort without spiraling. That’s real emotional strength.
16. Achieve a Goal That Has Nothing to Do With Love
Run a marathon, write a book, start a business, get that degree, whatever it is, do something big just for you. That sense of achievement will remind you that you’re whole and capable, no matter your relationship status.
17. Spend Time in Silence
No music. No podcast. No scrolling. Just you, your thoughts, and maybe a cup of tea. Stillness reveals what noise hides, and knowing what bubbles up in silence helps you connect with your true self. [Read: How Much Time Should Couples Spend Together: 24 Clues to Your Number]
18. Create a Space That Feels Like Home
Make your apartment or bedroom feel like your sanctuary. Light that candle. Frame that art. Pick your favorite coffee mug.
Creating a space that’s truly yours reminds you that you can build beauty without waiting for the “perfect” life setup.
19. Practice Showing Up for Yourself
Cook for yourself even if no one else is coming over. Dress up just because it makes you feel good. Keep promises you make to yourself. You teach people how to treat you based on how well you treat yourself.
20. Learn the Art of Letting Go
Whether it’s people-pleasing, perfectionism, or that five-year plan that doesn’t fit anymore, let go of what no longer serves you. The lighter you are emotionally, the freer you are to love without baggage.
Master Love, Sex & Relationships (Romantic Wisdom + Sexual Empowerment)
Before you commit to forever with someone, it’s worth getting honest about how you show up in love, what intimacy means to you, and how you want to relate, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Marriage isn’t a fix for relational gaps; it’s a magnifier.
21. Fall in Love (and Let Go)
Let yourself love fully. Then, if it ends, learn how to release with grace instead of bitterness. Love isn’t just about the happily-ever-after, it’s about knowing you can open your heart and survive when it doesn’t last.
22. Have Sex That Feels Empowering
Not sex to please, prove, or perform. Sex that makes you feel connected, safe, curious, and alive. Explore your pleasure without shame. Know what turns you on and what boundaries matter to you.
23. Talk About the Hard Stuff With Someone You Love
Having hard conversations is one of the big things to do before getting married. Money, jealousy, trauma, kids, family, have the hard conversations before you’re in a legally bound partnership.
It teaches you how to be honest, how to stay calm, and how to stay when things feel uncomfortable.
24. Learn to Fight Fair
Disagreements aren’t the problem, how you handle them is. Practice expressing your needs without attacking, listening without interrupting, and calming down without stonewalling. Conflict is inevitable. Cruelty isn’t. [Read: Relationship Arguments: 38 Tips & Ways to Fight Fair & Grow Closer in Love]
25. Discover Your Love Language (and Learn Others’)
Are you a words-of-affirmation person dating someone who speaks in acts of service?
Learn how you receive and express love, and recognize when your partner is loving you in a way that doesn’t match your default language.
26. Practice Non-Sexual Intimacy
Hold hands. Share dreams. Cry together. Make space for vulnerability that isn’t always wrapped in sex. Emotional closeness keeps relationships alive long after the honeymoon phase fades.
27. Stop Chasing Potential, Choose Consistency
Falling for someone’s potential will break your heart faster than anything. Instead, look at how someone shows up day after day. Choose the person who is reliable, not the one who might be someday. [Read: Stop Chasing Him: Why Guys Run & Why You Shouldn’t Chase Them]
28. Learn to Be Loved
Receiving love can feel just as vulnerable as giving it. If you’re not used to being treated well, kindness can feel foreign. Let people care for you. Let yourself believe you deserve it.
29. Date People Who Are Different From You
Not just your type. Not just your comfort zone. Exploring relationships with people who challenge your worldview (safely and respectfully) helps you grow, expand empathy, and clarify what truly matters to you. [Read: The Powerful Steps to Break Out of Your Comfort Zone]
30. Know the Difference Between Chemistry and Compatibility
Chemistry is hot. Compatibility is sustainable. Don’t confuse butterflies for green flags. A lifelong partner needs to feel like home, not just like fireworks. [Read: Men vs. Women: 44 Psychological Ways Guys & Girls Think & Behave Differently]
Learn to Adult Like a Pro (Life Skills & Practical Readiness)
Marriage isn’t just about love, it’s about logistics. Shared bills, health scares, burnt dinners, and leaking sinks don’t care how cute your wedding photos are. The stronger your adulting game, the smoother your life together will run. [Read: The Big Things I Learned from Reinventing My Dating Life]
31. Budget and Manage Money on Your Own
You don’t have to be a financial guru, but you do need to know where your money goes, how to save, and how to live within your means. If you can talk about money calmly and responsibly, you’re already ahead.
32. Learn to Cook Three Solid Meals
You don’t need to be a gourmet chef. But knowing how to feed yourself (and your future partner) something beyond takeout is both sexy and essential. Bonus points if one dish is comfort food.
33. Maintain a Home
Can you fix a leaky tap? Handle a power outage? Keep your laundry from becoming Mount Washmore? These are the little things that make shared domestic life less chaotic. [Read: How to Maintain a Social Life When You Work From Home]
34. Stay on Top of Your Health
Book your own doctor appointments. Know how your body works. Keep your mental health in check. Self-care isn’t just bubble baths, it’s taking responsibility for your well-being. [Read: 6 Reasons You Won’t Stay with Your First Love]
35. Understand the Basics of Legal & Financial Marriage Stuff
This is one of those things to do before getting married that most people ignore. Learn about taxes, prenups, insurance, joint accounts, and what happens legally when you get married. It’s not the fun part, but it’s the grown-up part. And it protects both of you.
36. Have a Weekly Cleaning Routine
A clean space = a calm mind. You’ll thank yourself (and so will your future partner) when your Sunday reset becomes second nature.
37. Build a Support System Outside Your Relationship
Friends, mentors, siblings, you need people who love you outside of your romantic bubble. Healthy couples have healthy individuality, too.
38. Learn How to Communicate Professionally
Marriage often includes managing careers. Being able to write a respectful email, speak up in meetings, and advocate for yourself at work adds confidence that spills into all parts of your life.
39. Know How to Rest Without Guilt
Being busy isn’t a personality trait. Learn to rest, recharge, and say no to hustle culture. When you’re rested, you’re more present and patient, two marriage superpowers.
40. Take Responsibility Without Shame
Everyone makes mistakes. Can you own yours without spiraling? Can you apologize, adjust, and move forward? Accountability is the bedrock of adult relationships.
Ask the Big Questions (Clarity, Intention & Emotional Readiness)
Sometimes the most important thing you can do before getting married isn’t another achievement, it’s deep reflection.
These questions don’t always have easy answers, but they reveal everything about your readiness, your fears, and your true desires.
41. Do I Like the Person I Am When I’m Single?
If being single feels unbearable, you might be looking to marriage as an escape. But if you love who you are on your own, you’ll bring that strength into partnership instead of trying to fill a void. [Read: 42 Secrets to Be Happy Being Single & Alone and Lessons It Can Teach You]
42. Am I Choosing This Person, or Just Choosing Not to Be Alone?
Fear of loneliness can trick you into committing too soon. Make sure you’re picking your partner because of who they are, not because you’re afraid of what life looks like without them.
43. What Kind of Marriage Do I Want to Build?
Not all marriages look the same. Some are deeply traditional, some are flexible and fluid, some are long-distance, some are wildly unconventional. The point is: do you and your partner want the same version of forever?
44. Have We Talked About the Uncomfortable Stuff?
Finances, kids, sex, religion, family expectations, personal dreams, gender roles, you can’t skip these conversations. It’s better to be a little uncomfortable now than blindsided later. [Read: 30 Date Topics to Talk About If You’re Drunk & Things to Avoid at All Costs!]
45. If Nothing About This Person Changed, Could I Be Happy Long-Term?
Marriage isn’t a DIY project. If you’re waiting for them to grow up, be more affectionate, change careers, or become more like your dream partner, press pause.
Love is accepting who they are now, not who they might become. [Read: How to Get Over a Long Term Relationship, Move On & Feel Whole Again]
Are You Ready?
Getting married isn’t just about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person.
These 45 things to do before getting married aren’t a checklist to rush through. They’re invitations to deepen, stretch, and become the version of you who walks into marriage with open eyes and a full heart.
[Read: Finding the Right Person? 43 Truths & Signs You’ve Met the One For You]
When you say “I do,” you want it to feel like the next chapter of an already beautiful book, not the beginning of a desperate rewrite. So take your time. Live your life. And when you finally say yes to someone else, make sure you’ve already said yes to yourself.
