There was a book that came out more than two decades ago called Men are From Mars Women are From Venus. Revolutionary, it was the first time that anyone formally came to the conclusion that men and women are inherently different.
Spare the women-libbers who spent their early twenties burning their bras, there aren’t many who wouldn’t agree that by and large, the sexes not only speak a different language, but they also view the world around them in very opposing ways.
It isn’t just our spatial abilities or verbal understanding that are the cornerstone of the difference between us. The older I get, the more I understand that, on the whole, not only are we mostly all alike gender-wise, but we all also have the same struggles in our relationships.
When you are first starting out in a long-term relationship, you never imagined it would be so hard to get along. As time goes on, you begin to see predictable patterns of behavior that can either complement each other or tear each other apart. [Read: 9 relationship stages that all couples go through]
The differences between men and women
There are some major differences between men and women that, when you look at them separately, understand the reaction and behavior that results from them, and can let your better half be your better half, don’t have to mean a fiery end to your relationship. These are the major differences that if you can just accept and learn to let go, you can live much happier ever after in harmony.
#1 Men can only focus on one thing at a time, whereas women can multitask. If you give a man more than one task, he will either have ten projects started and never finished, or he will only do one at a time. Not being able to put his focus into more than one thing at a time, he gets flustered easily, and irritated even more easily, at the slightest distraction. Women, on the other hand, can work on ten different projects at once. They can go from one task to the next and pick up where they left off with ease.
Problems can arise when a guy turns inward rather than being able to deal with multiple problems at once. When he becomes muddled down with something, he is unable to see anything else that is going on around him. Even if the kids are crying and falling apart, the house is seemingly on fire, and his wife is at her wit’s end, he can just sit at the computer and not notice anything else.
It’s important to realize that he most likely isn’t doing it on purpose. He’s just not wired to pay attention to everything going on around him when he’s engrossed in another project. [Read: 10 bits of love advice from famous Hollywood couples]
#2 Men show love, whereas women voice love. When a woman is in love with someone, she can’t stop gushing over it. Wanting to text and talk about her latest crush all day, she can’t vocalize her emotions enough. A guy is not the same. When he is in love with a woman, he won’t tell everyone around him. Instead, he will “do” things for her. If you notice that a guy has changed your washer fluid without being asked to, or if he’s taken the garbage out without being told to, that means he loves you.
Problems can arise when men become overwhelmed by the outpouring of love that a woman bestows on them with words. Not knowing how to voice their own emotions, men often get quiet in response. If you realize that a woman is wired to communicate in a verbal way, while a man is wired to protect and help the lady he loves, that will make it much easier to spot the signs of love on both ends. [Read: How to prove that you love someone the right way]
#3 Men are typically visual creatures when it comes to sex—women, not so much. Most women get very offended to find that their man has been blowing up their computer watching porn. No matter how much a guy insists that he doesn’t watch it, he does. Men are very visual creatures when it comes to sex. They need the fantasy more than most women do, and become turned on by seeing sexual acts.
Women are more focused on the emotional side of a sexual act. To get in the mood, they need a good mix of erotica and some form of emotional connection. It isn’t that women don’t get excited by porn, but rather, they just need more than the visual experience.
If you want to stop the arguing about his porn-watching habits, try making your own sex tapes and send them to him. Likely, if you give him movies of you, he will get just as turned on watching you do naughty things as he does when he watches porn. If you want to get your woman in the mood, cover her with kisses and praise for all she does for you. Emotionally stimulate her. [Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 sexy ways]
#4 Women are concerned about the emotions and feelings of others, whereas men are concerned about their hunger and basic needs. Women spend a good majority of their time worrying about their children, their husband, the neighbor, some person they read about in the paper, what their friend meant with their passive aggressive comment the other day, what their mother-in-law was trying to get at when she made the remark about her cooking, and that is all in one moment’s time. A guy worries about what he is going to have for lunch and whether his wife is going to be in a good mood so that maybe he can have sex.
A woman is always on edge with reason. She believes that the weight of the world rests on her shoulders. That is a lot of stress to handle. In the reverse, a guy worries about very little. He can’t look at a situation and think, “That is going to go badly.” In fact, he barely looks at any situation unless it is right in his face. That can leave a woman feeling like she wants to explode on a guy for seemingly no reason at all.
The answer is for a guy to realize that a woman can’t always handle all that the world and her brain puts on her plate. The reason why she seems pissed all the time *and at you* is because she has no other place for her displaced anger.
Unfortunately, sometimes you have to have thick shoulders and realize she may need your help. As a woman, it is important for you to understand that he isn’t upsetting you on purpose. He has no idea about all the nonsense that is going on in your mind. He can’t see the worry, the anxiety, or the stress that you’re constantly enduring.
Knowing why men and women do what they do, where the disconnect is, and trying not to ascribe intention to what your mate does can help you get along much better with your better half.
[Read: 12 real reasons why couples drift apart over time]
Women can’t help the way that they are wired any more than men can, but by helping each other better understand your needs and wants in life, the two of you can certainly live in blissful harmony together.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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