Wondering why your man is not making the same noises as you in the bedroom? Here are 8 possible reasons as to why that is—and how you can change them.
Sex is an expressive form of communication, where people use their bodies and their minds in the most intimate ways possible. Most people require only a comfortable flat surface and two warm, clothes-less bodies, but many choose to use props and sounds.
These sounds are either words, in the form of dirty talk, or moans that communicate that they are having an extremely good time—fake or otherwise. But sometimes, the most you can hear during a session is your own vocalization, and the sound of your male partner’s breathing.
Why men should moan more
When a man chooses not to moan, it’s not that big a deal. Still, it can be a conundrum, especially when you’re the type of person who gets off on hearing their partner moan. Not everyone can do it, but it’s more common for men to refrain from moaning, for a variety of reasons. [Read: How to sound really sexy in bed and arouse your partner]
Why is it an issue for some men and women? Is moaning really that important? The answer to that is: yes. And no. It’s okay if a man doesn’t express himself vocally in the bedroom, because he might be the type who doesn’t like moaning or thinks it’s unnecessary. But it can be necessary for some partners, because it could be an important part of their sexual routine. Why should men moan more? For starters, it’s because of these reasons.
#1 It arouses your partner.
#2 It gives your partner an idea of how you’re feeling.
#3 It can increase your pleasure.
#4 It can help you orgasm on command.
#5 It makes you more vulnerable and open.
Why men don’t moan
By checking out semi-reliable resources, like forums on Reddit, and question-and-answer pages on Quora, we have come to the conclusion that there is no scientific basis as to why most men don’t moan during sex. In terms of people’s opinions, however, it seems that there are a few general reasons as to why men don’t moan.
#1 Concentration issues. In order for a man to prolong the moment of his ejaculation, he either has to rein himself in or train himself to last for a long time. For some, concentrating on keeping his orgasm in check can be hard when he’s moaning. That’s why some men prefer to bite their tongue and focus more on their partner’s pleasure, instead. [Read: 20 easy moves for men to last really long in bed]
#2 Self-consciousness. Moaning is not as simple as it sounds. Some people are very sensitive about the type of sounds they make during sex. Some moans don’t sound sexy at all, which is why some people might be iffy about trying it out with another person in the room.
#3 Perception of masculinity. It’s not a widespread belief, but many men still think that moaning is a sign of weakness, because you are expressing yourself in a way that signifies you’re giving in to the pleasure from your partner. That’s totally a good thing, which is why it boggles the mind to think that you’re supposed to suppress your basal instincts, using grunts instead of sensual sounds.
#4 Inexperience. Some people who have never tried moaning during sex may find it difficult to start for that very reason. They have no idea how or when to start, which makes it difficult to do so when you’re in the throes of passion.
#5 Second-guessing. Just like with inexperience, it can be difficult to initiate the act of moaning when you’re not sure how it will be received, or how you’re supposed to do it. There’s no right or wrong way to moan, but knowing that there’s a chance it could be unattractive can stop a guy in his tracks.
#6 Societal norms. Men are not known to be vocal in the bedroom. Even in porn, you rarely hear guys moan. Grunt, yes. Say demeaning and borderline illegal things to their partner, also a given. Moaning, however, is rarely added in the sound bytes.
#7 Desensitization. Some men don’t really find moaning all that useful. No matter how much they try or test variations of moaning, it won’t sit well with them. It could be because they’re just not triggered by it sexually, or they just don’t find it sexy at all.
#8 Personal preference. For many women and a lot of men, moaning can intensify your sexual experience. When someone doesn’t see it that way, that’s just probably how they’re built or programmed.
How can you get your guy to moan?
#1 Talk to him. The easiest way to get someone to do something is to ask them directly. If your fella doesn’t want to, respect his decision. If you really need to be with someone more expressive in the bedroom, it’s probably time to consider where you see the relationship going. [Read: 40 worst things to say to a man before getting it on in bed]
#2 Make him feel comfortable about it. Tell your partner what he can expect and ask him if he’d like some tips on how to get started. Assure him that he has control over the situation, because that can ease him into the idea of trying something new, without knowing the outcome.
#3 Give him a safe environment in which he can execute it. In order to do this, make sure that you can promise your partner a nonjudgmental and open environment where he can express himself fully. Do it in private. Make sure the curtains are closed. Add a little mood music, as well, to soften the beginnings of your partner’s first foray into moaning.
#4 Baby steps. If it doesn’t work out like you expected the first time, you can always try again. That’s 90% of the fun in this exercise.
#6 Increase the pleasure. If all else fails, try to take the reins and make him feel so good that he can’t help but moan. There are a variety of things you can do, like using toys, trying new positions, or giving him the works during a blowjob.
Even when your partner doesn’t moan during sex, your sex life isn’t doomed. It just means that your partner is set on expressing his pleasure through other means. Take a look at his eyes, his lips, his body movements—those are just as expressive as the sounds coming from his mouth.