On the other hand, words that you personally associate with negativity affect you more. If someone speaks about the traits of low confidence to a person who believes they’re not confident, it would affect them more than it would to a person who doesn’t believe it’s a negative trait of theirs.
And just like that, in our romantic lives too, the words you choose while speaking with your partner can subconsciously affect their views on the relationship.
You may believe you’re sensitive and sweet because you never criticize anyone or never pick an argument with anyone. But your partner may subconsciously believe that you’re rude at times, or perhaps even dominant. And that’s all because of the words you choose in your conversation while talking about matters close to both your hearts.
Even many first dates which you assumed went perfectly during the date may have led to a dead end with your date not calling you back and you may have no idea why. But perhaps, it’s all because of the words you chose to express your ideas. [Read: 14 signs you’re ruining your first date unknowingly]
Your words and your partner
How you speak to your lover affects the way they think of you, the relationship and the way they approach their own life. Their motivation and inspiration depends on the way you choose your words around them.
Kind words make us feel safer. Criticisms make us feel weaker and low on confidence. Angry words make us angry. And reassuring words comfort us.
How do you speak to your partner?
If you want a happy relationship with your lover, you need to focus more on positive words and reassuring words. At times, when your partner is feeling down *and you know it’s their own fault*, you still need to use words that will make them feel better about themselves. Bite your tongue and save the accusations and the criticisms for another day when your partner isn’t feeling so low.
Here are 5 tips that can help you choose your words better with your partner, no matter what the circumstances are.
#1 Speaking in private. Do you listen to your partner’s views completely before giving your suggestion? Learn to do that. If your partner has a suggestion or wants to do something, avoid contradicting them or saying ‘no’ immediately.
Instead, voice your negative opinions through calm questions so your partner can look at the big picture through your eyes. It’ll help both of you look at the relationship as a team effort instead of a battlefield of opinions and dominant partners.
#2 When others are around. Both of you should learn to be respectful towards each other in front of others. Don’t oppose your partner’s views unless you’re joking. And don’t cut your partner in between a sentence just because you feel they’re not explaining something well. It’ll only make your partner feel low on confidence around you. Join in the conversation, but never overpower your partner. [Read: How to be a happy couple that’s envied by everyone]
#3 Compliments. Compliment your partner often, and don’t just restrict it to physical traits. Compliment them about their job, their personality and anything else that you genuinely feel. When your partner believes that you have a high opinion about them, they’d feel more comfortable to reveal their weaker side and ask you for help.
On the other hand, if you constantly criticize your partner, they’ll feel underappreciated and will avoid telling you any of their mistakes because they’d be afraid of being judged negatively by you. [Read: Perfect things to talk about in a happy relationship]
#4 Your words in an arguments. Arguments, confrontations and disagreements are a regular affair in a relationship. But even in an argument, avoid words that are sarcastic or condescending because it’ll hit your partner hard and leave them fuming.
An argument in a relationship never has an individual winner. You can either both win it or both of you can lose it together. So stop trying to use words that will make your partner feel weaker about themselves. And at the end of every argument, no matter how much you just want to walk away, apologize to each other and hug and make up. [Read: 10 easy tips to make fighting in a relationship more constructive]
#5 Your whining. Voicing your own pitfalls and regrets about your own life all the time can make your partner feel more helpless about their own life. And it’ll only lead to your partner getting annoyed with you, or worse, they may blame themselves for your sorry life. [Read: The 80 20 rule in a relationship]
If you talk about your relationship using words that are negative, your partner will subconsciously start to see the relationship in a negative light too. If there’s something bothering you, learn to communicate with each other calmly and reassure each other all the time. It’s the only way to look forward to a brand new day in a happy way!
It’s easy to overlook the power of words in a relationship, but more often than not, the kind of words you use while communicating with each other plays a far more important role in love than many other things you’d consider important.
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Natalia Avdeeva sometimes feels like she’s an 80-year-old woman trapped in a 29-year-old body. She loves buying makeup and ends up not wearing them most of th...