8 Signs You’re Wasting Time in Your Almost Relationship

wasting time in almost relationship

Almost relationships are exactly how they sound. Unless you’re building up toward a gloriously romantic finale, you may be wasting your time.

Sometimes, relationships can’t be justified as black and white; in the case of an almost relationship, the lines are completely grey and blurred.

There’s no certainty regarding what you’re getting into, and the rules keep changing as you go. The only thing that’s clear is that you are engaging in a semi-relationship with someone who may or may not be your partner in the future.

That’s even more confusing, isn’t it? There’s no accountability. There’s no promise of an actual relationship. There isn’t even a word to describe it, hence, the put-together term, “almost relationship.”

The problem now is this: Is it even worth getting into? Is there a chance for a commitment on the horizon?

It’s possible, but there’s also a chance that you’re wasting time on something that will never turn into something more. [Read: 9 kinds of almost relationships in modern dating]

What is an almost relationship?

An almost relationship occurs when you meet someone, who you start to feel strongly about. You end up dating, but only that. You never follow through with an actual relationship, and you have no idea whether that offer will ever be on the table.

Sure, you can be proactive about it and ask where things are going, but everyone knows that it is the kiss of death, if it is asked at the wrong time.

If your almost-lover believes a definition of your relationship is the kiss of death, they’re more likely to feel negatively about making a commitment. That’s the time when you find yourself in an almost relationship: when either you or your partner find yourself unwilling to commit. [Read: How to deal with a complicated relationship without making it worse]

Is it really a waste of time?

That depends on whether you and your partner agree about where things are going. Almost relationships are not decidedly the end point of any love affair. They can also be the beginning of one.

There are many reasons why people end up in almost relationships. It could be that neither of you are willing to push through with a commitment without a sign from the other. It could also just be how you approach your relationships.

Almost relationships are sort of like the first date, only longer. You and your partner are still feeling each other out and getting to know each other.

Depending on your reason for embarking on this flirtation, the lifetime of your almost relationship can either be long or short. If someone was just looking to hook up, they would be perfectly happy with an ongoing almost relationship, if it gets them what they want.

If, however, you’re looking for a serious relationship, the almost relationship you have can be considered as the pre-game for the main attraction. Still, you can never know what it’s really leading up to unless you ask. If you’re not yet ready to, you can always look at the signs and, potentially, admit to yourself that it is a fruitless endeavor. [Read: How to tell if your flirtationship is heading nowhere]

Signs that your almost relationship is not worth the time

#1 The crystal ball doesn’t agree with you. You need to look inside yourself and really ask whether or not you see a future with this person. Do not look at the fantasy. Study the reality and see whether or not your partner is someone that will stay with you for the long term.

The things that you do together should be in preparation for a more serious connection. If you keep doing the same things and never talk about what’s next, you’re better off being single, because that’s exactly what you are now—but with unnecessary baggage in the form of your almost-relationship. [Read: 23 types of relationships that can help you define your love life]

#2 You’ve stopped growing. When your almost relationship is ready to flourish into a full-blown happily ever after, you should have noticed that everything you’re doing together with your partner is getting more and more serious. You should be discussing or showing your growing feelings for each other. If you’re still doing the same things and not connecting on a deeper level, then that means that your almost relationship has reached its peak and is probably destined to deteriorate.

#3 Your life is an unanswered question. Your partner has no idea who you really are and you don’t know much about them, either. If you were on your way to a legitimate relationship, you should have been learning more about your partner and not begging for scraps of information. If you’re not willing to share your lives with each other at this point, you should start thinking about moving on.

#4 Your relationship is the equivalent of Newton’s Cradle in Motion. You’re not going any further, yet you’re not taking any steps back. You are just a couple of individuals stuck in the perpetual motion of keeping things the way they are because it is convenient. No commitments, no stresses, no obligations, right? But there’s also no trust, no loyalty, no love, no future. Which do you choose? [Read: 9 reasons why you’re stuck in a silly situationship]

#5 Your almost partner thinks you’re a cactus. They give you a little love now and then before sending you on your way. When they think you might be thirsty for more, they’ll give a few more drops of water just to keep you alive. But the thing is…staying in a relationship like that is just going to slowly kill your chances of ever finding true love.

#6 Cat got your tongue. You can’t bring yourself to speak up about it. No matter how much you want to broach the subject, something always comes up. Whether it’s your own doubts about the situation or your partner’s penchant for disappearing when the subject comes up, the signs are obvious. There’s nothing else to talk about.

#7 Greener pastures look extra green. When you start to think that a relationship with another person feels better than what you have, you might be on the wrong side of the fence. If an almost relationship is not the ideal way for you to start something with your partner, it is highly likely that you’re looking for something else. If you think that being with someone else would make you feel better, rather than wait for things to progress, it’s probably time for you to move on from this almost relationship. [Read: 16 clear signs it’s time to move on and end the relationship]

#8 No more butterflies. Almost relationships can fill your stomach with butterflies and rollercoasters. If it’s been a while since you felt those things, it’s possible that your almost relationship isn’t making you feel the way it’s supposed to: excited and giddy at the prospect of finally being together. Who knows which of you is doing something wrong? But if the initial stages of attraction are gone and the relationship isn’t progressing, it may be time to close the book.

Save your energy for the time when the relationship can’t be defined as anything else except a commitment to a person that you’re willing to share your life with.

[Read: 12 undeniable signs you’ll break up in a few months]

Almost relationships can be stepping stones, but perpetually being in one is not an ideal situation. You should be working your way to a better place with your partner—not settling for something that’s barely even a relationship. If any of the 12 signs above apply to your almost-relationship, consider leaving your almost romance for an actual romance.

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Danielle Anne
Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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5 thoughts on “8 Signs You’re Wasting Time in Your Almost Relationship”

  1. Gina says:

    Being stuck in that perpetual motion phase is the worst! If you think you’re almost in a relationship, but nothing is really happening, you could be wasting your time in it. It is hard to hold to things that aren’t moving forward, but its also hard to let go. It’s always hard to decide what exactly to do when you are in this situation. The best thing to do is try to talk it out. That is what works for me.

  2. I'm sure says:

    I’ve always wasted my time with the wrong guy almost every single time I’m in an almost relationship. I can be really sure at first but they end up breaking my trust every single time. I’ve grew up in an environment where I had no father figure because my mother raised me and my sisters alone because my father is a dead beat. I sort of really had trust issues with men ever since. IT really affected my relationships today and I really have to stray away from a guy if he makes something that would make me doubt him. I would break up if he didn’t tell me that he would be going out drinking with his friends. I need to know that I could trust a guy and I won’t settle for less than what I believe I deserve. I deserve a guy that would catch me every time I would lose my step.

  3. Olsen says:

    I/m pretty sure that most guys really have trouble with this and some girls really don’t experience this often. Girls have the final say in the relationship most of the time and it’s the guys obligation to keep a girl happy, at least that is what it is in our culture. I remember that I had this almost real relationship with a girl I knew ever since in high school. She had the most beautiful hair and eyes that gleamed at me. We would always hang out after school and I would even walk her to her house and we hugged and said good bye to each other. We were practically best friends. One day, I confessed my love for her and she said that she wasn’t ready and we just had to wait. So we did wait and prom was around the corner and I asked her to be my prom date. She said yes. I rented out a limo for us to ride and we rode it to the prom venue. It was awesome and we had the time of our lives. We checked in the hotel and we made love. We didn’t even got official yet but we just did it because it was right at the time. I really thought that that was the sign I was looking for and she was ready for me, right? I was wrong. The next day, she said that it was my fault and she regretted laying with me and she only did it because of the moment. She didn’t want to share her first moment with me. She was just drunk in love at the time and she really didn’t want me. I stayed out of her life after that and we only met in school but she wouldn’t really face me. She never talked to me ever since and it has been 10 years since high school. I don’t know where she is right now but I hope that she is doing well. I really wish we could still talk things over because she still has a place in my heart and I hope that I have a place in hers too.

  4. Popoa says:

    You have to believe that it’s really going to be truly over – there’s no hope for a future there. Delete him from everything so he doesn’t pop up and remind you of him. Don’t get down on yourself for hurting – it’s normal. Sometimes, we fall even harder for someone who’s not available. You’ll feel better eventually, let it take the time it takes. You can also start appreciating your freedom and enjoy your single life, it has many good sides.

  5. aLMOST says:

    I dated a guy for a month or so who I thought was really attached to me (actually he’s the one that asked me to be exclusive) and I thought we had a great connection. Like, better than I’ve had with any guy in years. I thought I had finally found someone. Nope. Turns out he was just using me as a placeholder for his ex, he would jerk me around every time she jerked him around. I did allow it to happen a second time, my fault, but never again. It shouldn’t have hurt like that, we were only together a few weeks, but I cried and cried. The next few dates I went on I had to remind myself that I wasn’t going to see him and that I needed to not call the guy I was meeting by his name. Idk what it was about him. He’s still in my brain to an extent, though I’m sure I’m not in his at all anymore. His ex who doesn’t want him is the only one in his mind I think.

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