A lot of people will tell you that it’s wrong to try to make someone feel upset or guilty. The truth? It’s not if you need them to understand where you’re coming from. The only way to do that is to figure out how to make someone feel guilty.
If they don’t care and are just going about life, they’re going to keep repeating that behavior. They might do it again to you or they could hurt someone else. If you want them to learn anything from your pain, you have to show them what they did.
Guilt is a very powerful emotion if someone can feel it
A lot of people ignore guilt. They don’t want to face the fact that they did something wrong and they just push it back in their mind. They’ll even forget about it completely if it’s not brought up again. But it’s important for people to feel it.
Because it can teach lessons. The more guilt someone feels, the more they’ll learn from what they did. Therefore, those who ignore if often go around repeating the same mistakes and eventually they won’t be able to hide the guilt anymore. Only, it’ll manifest in uglier and more toxic ways. [Read: 10 ways to handle guilt trippers in your life]
How to make someone feel guilty so they know what they did wrong
What they did hurt. But what could hurt more is the fact that they don’t seem to care. That’s often a result of their ignorance. If you really want to make someone feel guilty, this is how to do it.
#1 Determine how you deeply feel. You can’t show someone else how they made you feel if you don’t understand it yourself. Are you mad? Are you resentful? Do you want to hurt them as much as they hurt you?
You really have to think about the emotions going through your head so you can pinpoint exactly what they are. Once you know them, you can go about reasoning why that person made you feel this way. Only then can you work to make them feel guilty about it.
#2 Take time to formulate a plan. You can’t just go up to someone screaming about how much they hurt you. That almost never works and it ends up making you look like a crazy person. And do you really think they’ll feel all that guilty for hurting someone who’s yelling in their face?
No. You have to take some time to formulate a plan first. Sit yourself down and think about the best way to get their attention so you can talk to them about things. Once you know how you feel and what you want to say, you can proceed with the next step. [Read: 12 questions to help you plan]
#3 Confront them. Just do it – but not in an aggressive way. They’ll already start to feel defensive when you tell them you’re hurt. Nobody wants to admit they upset someone and so they’ll avoid you if you start playing the blame game.
Instead, make sure you’re in a calm state where you can talk about things civilly. Even if you’re really angry deep down, put on a more pleasant exterior so you can really reach them without them putting up a wall first.
#4 Make them relate to the situation. Oftentimes, people don’t feel guilty because they can’t understand. That misunderstanding comes from not being able to relate to who they hurt. In order to remedy this, you have to talk to them in a way that they can understand.
So explain the situation in a way that they’ll be sensitive to. Analogies work great for this as it puts the same situation in a new light that they can actually see. [Read: How to actually make a connection with someone]
#5 Let them see you hurt. It’s okay to show your pain. You don’t have to force yourself to hide it. If you need to cry, then cry. Show them how much pain they caused you.
Keep yourself mildly composed, however, so they don’t just think you’re being dramatic. Trying to cover up how you’re feeling will only make them think you’re lying when you tell them how hurt you are.
#6 Get their attention in a major way. I wouldn’t normally condone dramatics but some people need it. Sometimes you have to get crazy in order to get their attention. So make a scene. If you’re not getting them to hear you any other way, this might be your only option left.
Just make sure that once you have their attention, you simmer down so they can understand where you’re coming from. Otherwise they’ll just get freaked and refuse to listen.
#7 Treat them accordingly. You were hurt. They did something bad enough to cause you pain and you should treat them accordingly. Meaning, don’t talk to them. Treat them as if they caused you great pain and don’t be nice about it.
Avoid them and even snub them if need be. Some people need this type of treatment in order to realize that what they did was wrong. If you go about your day same as always, they’ll think nothing happened to hurt you and that you’re fine. [Read: How to get cold, calculated revenge]
#8 Talk about it logically. Don’t just use yourself when discussing why you’re hurt. Talk about what happened logically. Take yourself out of the equation and show them that anyone would be hurt in this situation and it’s not just you.
Some people may think another is being too sensitive when they claim to have been hurt by something. A logical explanation of why you feel that way can help them understand that it’s not your sensitivity that’s the problem.
#9 Have an actual conversation about it and hear their side. Most people just want to make another feel guilty and that’s all. They don’t care what was going on in their mind or how they’re feeling.
But you have to. They may not have even meant for something to hurt you. So let them speak. Hear what they have to say before just drilling them for upsetting you. You’ll get a lot further this way than any other way. [Read: 21 meaningful topics to have a real conversation about]
#10 Accept that they just don’t care. You can’t change everyone. Some people, no matter how hard you try, will never accept that they did something wrong. They just get on the defensive right away and don’t care who they hurt.
You can’t expect to try to make someone feel guilty forever. After a while, you just have to realize that they really don’t care and they never will. Move on with your life and don’t let them hold back your feelings any longer.
[Read: 14 ways people use emotional manipulation to mess with your mind]
Knowing how to make someone feel guilty has a lot to do with opening up and showing them what they’ve done. It might not be easy for you but if you want to remain close to that person, it’s worth teaching them a lesson.
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