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Taking Someone For Granted: Why We Do It, Bad Effects & 27 Ways to Stop It

Worried that you’re taking someone in your life for granted? If so, here’s everything that they might be feeling and how you can make them feel appreciated.

taking someone for granted

We’ve all done this before. Taking someone for granted is just a human flaw. However, it’s a flaw we should all strive to correct. You never know just how much you can negatively affect someone when you don’t appreciate what they do for you.

This isn’t just true in romantic relationships, either. Although that’s where it’s seen most, any close relationship you have can be completely ruined if you don’t appreciate them. They can be drastically affected by your dismissal of what they do for you and can have a lasting impact.

What does it mean to take someone for granted?

In short, taking someone for granted means that you just expect that person to be there. You expect them to go out of their way for you, to go above and beyond for you, but you see it as a standard.

It goes without saying that when you take someone for granted, you’re not showing any appreciation for them. It’s almost like you don’t care that they’re in your life.

But at the same time, you depend on them to either support you through anything, hear anything you have to rant about, or do some chore or caring gesture for you.

Maybe you think they’ll always be there, or maybe you just don’t care. But come on, you can’t treat your loved ones like that. [Read: 25 warm ways to say “I appreciate you” & show your appreciation without using words]

How to make sure you’re appreciating someone

If you want to avoid taking someone for granted, you have to show them how much you appreciate them. It really doesn’t take a lot of effort, but people often forget entirely to do the little things.

Even a grateful, “Thank you so much!” when your partner brings you your morning coffee can make a huge difference. Reciprocating their nice deeds with your kindness can also be extremely beneficial.

Overall, you must show and even tell someone you’re grateful to have them. If you’re struggling with finding ways to show your loved one you appreciate them, here are a few ways to do just that:

1. Stop talking and practice listening

One way you can take someone for granted is by taking their ear for granted. Maybe there’s someone in your life who you talk at rather than talk to. If so, they’re probably getting tired of listening to you talk about yourself at length.

So, ask them about themselves. Ask questions about their life and, most importantly, listen. Don’t relate what they’re saying to yourself, just let them have the limelight for a minute. They’ll appreciate you for it. [Read: 19 ways to be a much better listener in a relationship & read their mind]

2. Dedicate some time to them

As we get older, we get busier. It sucks, but no matter how busy you are, you always have time for your loved ones. If you really want to make those close to you feel appreciated, set aside some time for them.

Don’t forget to spend a day with your family, go on dates with your partner, and plan catch-ups with your friends. Everyone knows how hard it is to make time for others, so they’ll feel truly loved when you give them your time.

3. Stay in the moment

Put your phone down! [Read: 15 cell phone rules every couple has to follow to build real trust]

When you’re trying to have a conversation with someone whose nose is stuck in their phone, it can make you feel like you’re not being listened to. Let’s be real, it can make you feel like a ghost trying to connect to the living world!

That’s a horrible feeling to have, especially when you’re trying to talk to someone you really care about. So when your loved ones are talking to you, give them your full attention.

When you’re spending time with someone, stay in the moment and don’t get distracted by things like your phone. Having someone’s full dedicated attention makes anyone feel appreciated.

4. Tell them how much you appreciate everything they do

People do things for you all the time, maybe you just don’t realize it. Whether that’s something small, like getting you a cup of water, doing your laundry for you, or cooking you dinner after a long day of work, people do little things to make your life easier every day.

So, don’t let those little acts go unappreciated. They could easily not go out of their way for you, but they sacrifice that time for your convenience, so let them know how much it means to you. [Read: 20 secrets to stop being selfish & ways to stop hurting and using others]

The negative effects of taking someone for granted you can never undo

Thanks to this world’s lack of time travel, once something is done, you can’t take it back. That’s why you really have to be aware of how you’re treating those closest to you.

If you’re not careful, your lack of appreciation can leave lasting effects on someone you really care about. Here’s how you taking someone for granted can permanently hurt them.

1. They grow resentful

And they should. When someone gives and gives and gives, just to get nothing in return, it makes them bitter. They start asking why they’re even doing anything nice for you at all. They’ll grow unhappy.

And where do all of those negative feelings begin? With you. Therefore they’ll start growing resentful of you and having you in their life. Resentful behavior can lead to a whole host of issues all on its own, too. [Read: 28 heartfelt ways to say you’re sorry & apologize to someone you love]

2. They stop trusting you

Why should they trust someone who causes them so much unhappiness, someone who doesn’t do anything nice for them? When you’re very close to someone, there are certain expectations that need to be met.

You need to be there for them when they need someone to talk to. You have to reach out and genuinely care about their lives.

If you’re not doing any of the things a real friend, family member, or partner should do, the other person loses trust in you. They can’t count on you.

And therefore, they’ll end up having trouble trusting new people, too. [Read: 46 must-dos to rebuild & regain trust after cheating or lying in a relationship]

3. Their self-worth plummets

If there’s one thing to take away from this, it’s that taking someone for granted makes them feel like they’re worth less than they are. They start to feel devalued. That’s because you’re not valuing them.

How can someone feel as though they’re valued when you do nothing to show them that? When someone’s self-worth drops, so does their self-esteem and their happiness.

4. You grow apart significantly

If you’re not prepared to lose someone for good, stop taking them for granted. You need to appreciate those who put an effort into making your relationship work.

If they’re the only person putting effort into the relationship, they’ll realize that. And when they see how little you seem to care, they’ll stop reaching out and you’ll just grow apart. [Read: 20 revealing signs that show you may be growing apart]

5. They’ll only remember the fact that you took them for granted

Out of everything they could remember about you 20 years from now, what do you want them to think about? How funny you were? How great of a friend you were?

Well, taking someone for granted only produces one memory that stands out above the rest: that you never appreciated them. That’s really the main thing they’ll remember when looking back on your relationship. Not all the great times you had, but how much they gave and didn’t get back.

6. They feel like they don’t contribute to the relationship

This is probably one of the most harmful things that happen when you take someone for granted.

People like to feel as though they’re making a difference. They like to feel useful. When you don’t appreciate anything they do, they never get that feeling. Instead, they feel useless. [Read: Are you selfish in the relationship? 19 signs you’re being a user]

7. They become insecure

Because of everything they give and don’t get in return, they become insecure. It makes them feel like they aren’t worth the praise when you never thank them or appreciate their effort.

This results in them feeling down about themselves because it’s like they never do anything right. Even though they do.

You have to show your appreciation for what people do so they can feel validated. You want to make sure they know how much you like what they do for you. That praise can actually make a huge difference.

8. They try too hard to prove themselves

This isn’t just in your relationship. This is a long-lasting effect that’ll impact their future relationships. They’ll try too hard to please their partner and actually turn them away.

It’ll seem like they’re clingy when really, all they want to do is show their partner how much they deserve them. Trying too hard is a huge issue in relationships and by taking someone for granted, you’re making them do this in future relationships. [Read: People pleaser – 21 signs you’re one & how to stop people pleasing]

9. They become reserved people

Why would someone give you their opinion or ask for advice when you never listen? After a while of this, they’ll just stop altogether. If you don’t appreciate someone for long enough, their behavior can actually change this way.

They’ll stop speaking up. They’ll stop asking for help. Overall, they’ll just start to become reserved. This can be harmful if they really do need some helpful advice for a serious issue. Never ignore someone who’s close to you.

10. They hold everything inside

Every little emotion they have is usually kept to themselves after they’ve been with someone who took them for granted. Why? Because their issues and concerns were never addressed previously.

Taking someone for granted can actually cause them to stop voicing their opinions. When you don’t listen or take them seriously, they’ll stop going to you altogether.

This can carry over into their next relationships and make forming a real bond difficult for them. [Read: Are you taking him for granted? The checklist to know for sure]

How to stop taking someone for granted

Now that you know how being taken for granted can make someone feel, you probably want to know how to stop taking someone in your life for granted. No one wants to make other people feel bad, but we don’t always know how to do that.

Here are a few tips on how to stop taking someone for granted. Give these a try!

1. Revisit your responsibilities to each other

No matter what your relationship is with someone, you have some responsibilities to them. Whether they’re your significant other, your family member, or a close friend, you have a few things that you have to do for them.

You have to be by their side, you have to give them your time, you have to support them, and you have to love them. [Read: 17 signs of a supportive partner who encourages you & your goals]

If you’re taking someone for granted, it may be that you’re not giving them one of these vital things. If so, you have to reconnect with this person and discuss whether these responsibilities are being met.

And if not, you need to change something so that you’re fulfilling your role of partner/family member/friend.

2. Connect physically

You have to see your loved ones in person! If someone in your life comes to you saying that they feel like you’re taking them for granted, you can’t just send a quick apology text and expect the situation to be resolved.

When you take time out of your day to physically see someone, they’ll already feel more appreciated. Giving them a hug will really let them know that, no matter how you act, you really do love them. [Read: Types of touches – the 36 physical touches we use & what they mean]

3. Bond again

When you take someone for granted, the damage is done to your relationship. So, whether your loved one approaches you with how they feel or if you realize on your own merit that you’re taking someone for granted, you need to immediately repair the relationship.

Spend time together doing things you both enjoy. Really focus on bringing the fun back into your relationship. [Read: Male bonding vs. female bonding – what are the main differences?]

4. Put them first

When you’re taken for granted, you don’t feel important to that person.

So, to make up for you taking them for granted, really make them a priority in your life. Don’t go above and beyond to put them above everything else in your life. That’s just not sustainable, and after a while, you’ll get burnt out and you’ll go back to taking them for granted all over again.

But this person is in your life because they matter to you! So make them feel that. [Read: Being taken for granted? 71 BIG signs, why it happens & ways to stop them]

5. Find the time for them and pay attention

We’ve already covered this, but it needs to be said twice! Make time for the important people in your life! And give them your totally undivided attention!

It’s such a small gesture, but it really goes so far in making someone feel appreciated.

6. Pay attention to your loved one’s preferences

It’s good and well making time for someone, paying attention to them, and doing something together to rebuild that bond. But how can you take this a step further?

Do it all to your loved one’s preferences. If you know this person to not be a morning person, make plans for the afternoon.

If they aren’t a fan of physical activity, don’t invite them on a very physically extraneous bonding activity. And, obviously, if you know that they have a seafood allergy, don’t take them to a sushi restaurant!

If you pay attention to someone’s preferences, they’ll feel so heard and understood, which definitely makes up for you taking them for granted.

7. Communicate

Communication is vital for any relationship to continue and thrive. So, if you’re not effectively communicating with your loved ones, something really needs to change. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship & ways to fix a lack of it]

If you’ve been taking someone for granted, they probably have some pent-up feelings and thoughts that need sharing. So, sit down together and get it all out in the open. Share your thoughts, listen as they share theirs, and make sure that you both communicate your feelings calmly and clearly.

But even after this pivotal conversation is had, the communication shouldn’t stop there. Share your thoughts as they pop up, don’t hold them in and let them fester. And regularly check in to make sure that they feel okay and appreciated.

Communication is a constant thing that you have to work on, but you’ll reap the benefits in your relationships.

8. Recognize when you’re in the wrong and apologize

This won’t be easy, we know this. But you’ve taken this person for granted, and so you need to hold yourself accountable.

Not just once for taking them for granted, you have to hold yourself accountable any time you’re in the wrong. [Read: How to stop being toxic – 19 steps to not be bitter or blame others]

This is about recognizing how your actions might make someone feel. So, if you wouldn’t like to be treated the way you’re treating other people, apologize to them. They’ll feel so appreciated for it.

9. Go on vacation

Whoever needs an excuse to go on holiday? Well, anyway, here’s one!

Re-bonding with someone on a vacation is so much easier than working on your bond at home. You’re both feeling relaxed, you’re not faced with so many distractions, and you’re surrounded by potential bonding activities.

Whether you go on a day trip, run away for a weekend, or go on a full week-long vacation, take a trip with your loved one to make them feel loved and appreciated. [Read: The most romantic vacation spots for troubled couples]

10. Greet each other every day

This may seem so small, but it will actually make a world of difference. Whether you greet your partner when you wake up or send your family members and friends a good morning text, you’ll make your loved ones feel so appreciated.

You can’t deny that when you’re included in someone’s daily routine, you feel like you’re pretty important to them.

11. Be more attentive

When you take someone for granted, it might be because you feel so busy and preoccupied with your life that you can’t give time to other people. But, news flash—everyone is busy.

Your loved ones also probably feel swarmed and stressed. So, take care of them for a change! Give your partner a massage after a long day of work, offer to take care of your friend’s kids so that they have a day to themselves, or buy your family members something that you know they need.

When you take care of others, you not only make them feel deeply loved and appreciated, but you also strengthen your relationships tenfold.

12. Look on the positive side

It sounds harsh but it’s true: sometimes, it’s easier to see someone’s flaws than their good qualities.

It just happens when we feel stressed. We become pessimistic and we look at the bad side of everything, tragically even those around us. But how can you make someone feel appreciated when you just focus on their flaws? [Read: How to be less critical – 15 reasons why you judge & how to stop it]

Everyone has shining qualities about them, so focus on those! You’ll naturally find yourself appreciating your loved ones when you take notice of all the great things about them.

13. Make a note of when someone does something for you

At least once a day, take note of when someone does something nice for you.

Whether your partner makes your cup of coffee in the morning, a family member surprises you with a batch of cupcakes, or even your friend sends you a meme that made them think of you, take note of it all.

Why? Well, when you take note of all the things other people do you for, you’ll feel so appreciated and loved. And when you feel like that, you’ll want to pay that forward to the loved ones you used to take for granted.

[Read: 16 ways to show your appreciation for someone you love]

You may not even notice that you’re taking someone for granted. Do some self-reflecting and realize how much you may be deeply affecting your significant other or someone you love by not appreciating them at all.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...