It’s easy to forget how much we love someone. But it’s easier to remember all the flaws of your partner. What if you had a chance to change your relationship into the best one in the whole world?
A fresh start, that’s what we all want. All of us have flaws or imperfections that we wish we could just hide somewhere deep inside. You have always perceived your partner to be flawless, but at times, you do see a few things that you would have overlooked when you were still young in love.
As time goes by, the both of you begin to keep score, whether consciously or subconsciously. I’m not talking about pulling out a score sheet each time you screw up, but at most times, the good and the bad gestures are always remembered by either of you. [Read: How to forgive and forget: 24 thoughts to decide on the right step]
When was the last time you actually did something nice for your partner, without actually expecting something back in return? Never? That’s the truth, however hard it is to accept it. We always do something nice just so that we can get something back in return.
Remember the last time you took the pain to buy that perfect shirt for your partner, after running through many stores that stormy evening? You barely made it on time to the special dinner at your favorite restaurant, only to find your partner sulking about how late you were and that you used the shirt as an excuse.
I know you felt let down, and at that moment, you subconsciously made up your mind not to buy anything unless there was a special occasion to celebrate, because the effort wasn’t worth it anyway, right? You were keeping score. [Read: 20 ways to tell someone they hurt you & see the pain they caused you]
There will be several of these moments in your life together, and times when things will be misunderstood and special efforts will be forgotten. But that doesn’t mean you should never do anything nice anymore. A perfect love is all about keeping that spark alive, and creating special moments each and every day, in your own little ways.
You could still say that your partner isn’t the same anymore, and that you’ve tried your best but just couldn’t take it anymore. Now you’ve given up on trying to reignite the love back into your lives. Now let me help you understand your relationship better. Are you the same person you were when you first met your sweeter half?
Almost all the time, you know that you’ve changed. Maybe you’ve taken your partner for granted subconsciously, perhaps you’ve stopped picking flowers from the florist every week like you used to, or maybe you’ve stopped appreciating how helpful your partner is. It doesn’t matter how small the changes are, but chances are, you’ve changed.
The Acceptance
A powerful question to ask yourself is this, how would you act towards your partner if you thought they were the best partner for you in the whole world? [Read: Ways you and your partner bring out each other’s best]
That is, imagine that right now *whether you believe it or not!* the person you are dating or living together or married to, is the complete and total embodiment of what you perceive of as the perfect mate for you. The perfect personality, the perfect body, whatever would be absolutely perfect for you.
Next, think about how you would act towards this perfect partner. Would you be attentive? Aloof? Thoughtful? Distant? Affectionate? Sarcastic? Romantic? Crabby? Seductive? Would you rush home and turn on the TV or the computer? What events would you plan? What cards would you write? Make a list of all the things you would do, and how often you would do them.
This is your solution to everlasting love. It’s not about splurging at swanky restaurants or buying expensive presents, but the things you do to each other to keep that love going strong. If you were wooing this perfect partner, what would you do? You would take an additional initiative to make this person feel good, buy those flowers. write down little notes of love, etc., etc. [Read: How to woo a girl: 23 secrets to sweep a woman off her feet & aww her]
Now ask yourself why you aren’t doing this to your partner already? You know that the person you are with now is the perfect person you’ve always wanted to be with when you both started seeing each other. Why are you different now? Is it because you’re too much in love to try impressing them anymore or is it because you just don’t care?
Accept it, whatever may be your excuse, the actual fact is that you just don’t care. The negative score of your partner has shot way above the point where you don’t care, or don’t bother anymore. It’s not a bad thing though. It can happen to the best of partners.
The Test
For the next thirty days, do everything that you would do to a new flame.
Remember the days when you were young in love, when you tried doing so much just to keep your partner happy. Do all of that and more.
Firstly, make a list of all the things that you would have done to your partner if you had to woo them all over again. Imagine it’s a new love interest. Do everything on your list, and do it as often as you would with your perfect partner. [Read: Bringing romance and passion back into a relationship]
Don’t tell your partner what you are doing until a month has passed. By doing this exercise, you will give your partner, as well as your relationship, the best gift they could receive. In most cases, your partner will spontaneously begin to be more loving and thoughtful in return.
You would be surprised to see how happy you would feel, and how, with each passing day, you would just think of more little ways to please your partner better.
Why Does it Work?
Love is a very special feeling, though strange at times. When you begin to fall in love, the feeling just gets better and better. And the best part is that, love returns love. When you love your sweetheart, your sweetheart will only love you better.
Unselfish love will always resonate in the heart of your lover. Many of us practice ego-centered love, we withhold and will not give any more until we feel we have received enough to compensate us for our efforts in advance. [Read: Are you selfish in the relationship? 19 signs you’re being a user]
When you love your partner in an ideal manner, just the way they want to be loved, they intuitively understand our need and feel grateful and even lucky to be with you. This is the exact love that you feel when you first fall in love, your heart opens up with all the love you have to share, and being thoughtful comes easily.
The New Beginning
Take this simple test and see your love change forever, and all for the better. The reason why this works so well is that, in the beginning, we fall in love, and give so much of this intense feeling out to our partner. We wait for them to return. The feelings may come back, until the scores get uneven.
When the feelings stop coming back, you stop giving your partner more of your love. Love always begins with an infatuation. When the infatuation ends, true love falls in place and the real relationship begins. And in the real relationship, the loving gestures don’t come through infatuations, but by effortless loving acts.
So begin afresh and shower your true love with gestures and feelings that you had hidden away for so long, and for once, throw that scorecard away for good.
[Read: Eternal love: What it means, does it exist & truths to make you a believer]
Don’t tell your partner what you are doing until a month has passed. By doing this exercise, you will give your partner, as well as your relationship, the best gift they could receive.
