With this pandemic shaking the world up, many relationships are being put to the test. It doesn’t mean yours needs to end with a covidivorce.
I consider this pandemic as the perfect storm. Many couples are locked in their homes with their partners all day long, many with children in the home as well. And, it’s safe to say people are losing their minds. Everyone is highly stressed and irritated, and there are many couples throwing in the towel and calling it quits with a covidivorce.
Now, of course, there are couples who genuinely discover they no longer want to be together. That’s a completely different story, and if that’s the case, the thought of divorce has been brewing before the pandemic.
How to avoid a covidivorce if that’s something you never considered before
For many couples, divorce wasn’t on their minds before the pandemic. Though the divorce rates have sky-rocketed during the lockdown, it doesn’t mean your relationship has to have the same outcome.
There are a few things to help your relationship get through the pandemic. And if your relationship can pull through this, well, you are pretty solid if you ask me. So, stop from becoming a covidivorce statistic, and get you and your partner on the right track.
Dodge those divorce papers.
#1 The pandemic is the perfect storm. We all should understand that this pandemic is the perfect storm for couples. You’re stuck in your home with someone 24/7 who you normally see only a couple of hours a day. On top of that, you may be freshly unemployed and uncertain about the future. Put this all together, and you have the formula for a divorce. [Read: How to make dealing with your partner during quarantine easier]
#2 Where are these feelings coming from? Maybe you feel that this relationship isn’t working out with your partner. But before you bring up the “D” word, reflect and see where those feelings are coming from. If you genuinely no longer want to be in the relationship, that’s one thing. But if these feelings are because you’re financially stressed, don’t pull the trigger too soon.
#4 Look at potential obstacles you’ll face. Each couple has their own potential obstacles that they can or will face in the near future. Maybe you lost your job and aren’t working right now, which means as a household, there’s a financial strain. It’s important you sit down with your partner and talk about the obstacles you will face and form strategies together.
#5 Do your best to keep calm. This is easier said than done, but it’s something to strive for. Being calm is very important right now. Your feelings about the situation are valid, but your stress and anxiety will not change the situation. If anything, it’ll make your home and everyone in it equally as anxious.
#6 Maintain communication. Whatever you do, keep talking with each other. It’s when the talking stops that problems arise. Talk about how you’re feeling, what’s not working for you, and what you need from your partner. And they should tell you the same. This way, you work together and create a new norm in your home.
#7 Work together to create rules and norms for this situation. We all know things have changed. Some of you aren’t working anymore or have reduced hours. To avoid future stress and arguments with your partner, develop a game plan about your financial situation because this is the top reason why couples divorce.
#8 When talking together, focus on your language and tone. This is a big one and definitely one I struggle with. It’s a stressful situation, and it’s easy to transfer those feelings to your partner by replying to a question rudely or with a harsh tone.
Language and tone are two things you must be extremely mindful of right now, as they can easily spark an argument. One that didn’t need to happen in the first place.
#9 Schedule quality time together. You’re probably thinking, “aren’t we already spending quality time together?” But the answer is no. Spending time with someone doesn’t mean it’s quality time. For the health of your relationship, and your own mental health, have a date night or movie with your partner. Nourish the relationship with positive experiences.
#10 Laugh together. Well, the good thing is you’re both in this together. You have someone to lean on, and they have you as well. It may seem like there’s not much to laugh about, but let loose sometimes. Watch stand-up comedy on TV or play a board game. Yes, it’s a pandemic, but don’t spend every moment in despair. [Read: 20 ways to draw happiness from within and be really happy again]
#11 Practice self-care. When you’re with your partner 24/7, it can be hard to make time for yourself. We feel that we must spend every waking moment with each other, but that’s not the case.
Remember, you and your partner both need alone time, the time where you focus on yourself. Listen to music, watch your favorite TV show, talk to your friends, or go for a solo walk. Self-care is crucial during this time.
#12 Accept you’re doing the best you can. No one expected this to happen; no one was prepared for what was coming. So, there’s no point being hard on yourself. Instead of looking at this situation glumly, use this as your chance to work on your relationship.
#13 Look past the lockdown situation. Listen, at the end of the day, this too shall pass. Though the pandemic is basically the biggest thing happening to everyone around the world, it will pass with time. Think long term with your partner. Then create future goals to help you look towards the future and make smart decisions in the meantime.
For a majority of couples, the pandemic situation has hit their relationships hard and they can’t help but see a codivorce on the horizon. But stay calm during these testing times, and incorporate these tips and you will leave the pandemic as a stronger couple.
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A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...