Introverts and extroverts; two opposing lifestyles, personalities, and even dating styles. Can these two polar opposites date? Can an introvert date an extrovert and make it work in the long run?
The answer is a simple yes. I know it may seem counterintuitive but an introvert can date an extrovert and do it happily. But, just like any other healthy relationship, it requires a bit of understanding, a lot of respect, and of course, compromise.
What is an introvert? What is an extrovert?
Before figuring out how to make this relationship work, it is important to know what these terms mean and what they mean specifically to you.
[Read: Introvert vs. Extrovert – How to know for sure which side you’re on?]
In general terms, an introvert is someone who thrives best alone while an extrovert feeds off of outside energy.
For example, an extrovert may want to go out with friends every night but an introvert may go out one night a month because they need more low key nights tor recover from so much interaction.
And these things can overlap. They can be blurry. Just because you prefer to stay in doesn’t mean you are 100% an introvert and vice versa. ??I describe myself as 70% introvert and 30% extrovert. I am not shy. I don’t have social anxiety. I am comfortable meeting new people and being around people.
But, after a large gathering or party, I need at least a full weekend on my own to recover and rebuild my energy. As much as I enjoy being in the company of others, I am at my happiest and strongest in a more low key and relaxing environment. [Read: 12 signs you’re a complex ambivert who’s a perfect blend of introvert and extrovert]
Some of my closest friends feed off of company. They become bored and down when they spend too much time at home. They pull energy from a crowd and interaction. And some extroverts may want to go out every night while others still like having “me-time”.
These differing traits may seem to collide when it comes to creating a successful relationship, but is that really the case?
Can an introvert date an extrovert?
Sure, you may think two introverts would mesh a whole lot better than an introvert and extrovert, but that is not always the case. In fact, introvert and extrovert pairs often have a wonderful balance.
Having these differing lifestyles and personalities can benefit a couple. It increases a couple’s communication and respect. It can help maintain independence and confidence.
These relationships may initially seem like a lot to handle but with the right balance, they can be a source of true happiness.
Being able to understand where your partner is coming from, what they need from you and what they don’t need from you is vital in any relationship. But when an introvert is dating an extrovert, those parts of the relationship are focused on even more so.
This makes an introvert and extrovert relationship more likely to last in a lot of cases.
[Read: Dating an introvert – 15 adorable quirks that set them apart]
How an introvert can date an extrovert
Although introvert and extrovert relationships have a great chance at lasting, they do need a bit more tenderness than other relationships when it comes to communication.
Because you and your partner may not react the same to crowds, energies, or events you need to be able to share how you are feeling verbally. You also have to be willing to make sacrifices for each other and know when you both need to recharge in your own ways.
#1 Express yourself and your needs. Every relationship needs open and honest communication but an introvert and extrovert relationship even more so. If you can’t communicate what you need from your partner they won’t know, especially because they may need the opposite of what you do.
Tell your partner if you need a night by yourself and explain why. And try to understand that they need a night out with friends. Trust will only come from talking and listening. [Read: 19 ways to genuinely connect with others and be more social]
#2 Compromise. Introverts and extroverts know what makes them comfortable. For you, the perfect date night may be renting a movie and cuddling on the couch while your partner may prefer to be out in a group at a club. Instead of avoiding what you both prefer, try to compromise.
Go out with your partner even if it is just for an hour before you call it a night. That will show them you’re trying and they will appreciate that just as you would if they stay in and watch a movie with you on a Saturday night.
#3 Don’t box each other in. Just because your partner is an extrovert, it doesn’t mean they have to go out every night and prefer going out to staying in with you. Just as you being an introvert doesn’t mean you never want to go out or try new things. You are both layered and can change your mind or be in a more social or low-key mood.
Realize that just because your partner is an extrovert that doesn’t mean they don’t also need alone time just as you may need some time to go out with your friends. [Read: The shy extrovert – All the confusing signs of a walking dichotomy]
#4 Branch out of your comfort zone. Sometimes. This is part of compromising. You don’t need to go out every weekend because your partner does and they don’t need to stay in every weekend because you do. But pushing yourself a bit not just to please them but to bond is important.
Sometimes you’ll hate going out and be eager to get home, but sometimes you may really enjoy yourself. Like I said, this doesn’t have to happen every week, but when there is an event that is important to your partner and you know they would love having you at their side, try to go.
#5 Focus on rebuilding your energies. If you’re wondering can an introvert date an extrovert, you need to keep in mind that energies are a major part of being an introvert or extrovert. You may need a weekend at home watching Netflix to recover from a dinner out with friends while your partner gets their energy from being out in a loud environment.
You should know how your partner recharges and they should know how you do. This will give you clarity when you are apart. You don’t want to assume your partner doesn’t want to be around you just because they need a night out just as you don’t want them to think you’ve lost interest because you would rather be alone for the night. [Read: Introvert problems – 12 quick-fixes to nip the bad ones in the bud]
#6 Don’t push each other. It is nice when your partner does something out of their comfort zone for you, but don’t push them. Just as you wouldn’t want them pushing you to go to a rave when you know you would feel anxious and tired so quickly.
It may seem like the simplest thing to ask your partner to relax at home with you but too many nights at home can be detrimental to an extrovert’s mental health as too many nights out could exhaust an introvert physically and emotionally. Let your partner say no sometimes. [Read: Introvert burnout – It does exist and here’s how to deal with it]
#7 Help them understand what alone time means to you. An introvert’s alone time is vital to their well being. You know how good it feels to do nothing but lay in bed and veg out sometimes, but your partner may view that as boring.
Help them understand what that does for you. Explain to them how you feel after a relaxing night in and how it will help you branch out on other nights.
#8 Understand what socializing means to them. The same way you want your extrovert partner to understand your side, you need to listen and understand their side. Going to a loud bar may seem like hell to you but it could be your partner’s happy place. Listen to them.
Try to wrap your head around the fact that your partner thrives off a crowd and being around other people and socializing. It doesn’t mean they like others more than you or prefer their company to yours. It just means they need that time to feel their best.
[Read: How to step out of your comfort zone and be more outgoing]
Can an introvert date an extrovert? By all means, as long as there is communication and understanding, this could be a perfectly, wonderful relationship.
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