It’s confusing when you like going out, but want to be left all alone on other days. Does that make you an extrovert? An introvert? Or perhaps, you’re the perfect balance of both, which makes you an outgoing introvert. And that’s who we call an ambivert.
We all know what being outgoing is, right? It is the type of person who throws caution to the wind in social situations.
Putting themselves all in, and all out there, they will be the first ones to introduce themselves, to walk up to a stranger and just start talking. And maybe they even crave being the center of attention.
The opposite of outgoing would be what most people think of as the introvert.
Stereotypically, an introverted person is someone who avoids social situations and feels uncomfortable in large crowds. They know pretty much all the people they want to, and if they need another friend, they’ll get a new one, probably in a couple of years or so!
So, how can it be that there is such thing as an outgoing introvert? Isn’t that pretty much the definition of an oxymoron? The two words just don’t seem to work together. How can you love going out and hate going out and still be one person? But that’s exactly who an outgoing introvert or an ambivert is!
Before we go ahead into understanding an outgoing introvert, let’s understand these terms better so it makes it easier to understand this peculiar kind of human being!
[Read: Why introverts are much more than just shy and awkward]
An introverted person is someone who feels most comfortable when they are in a small group of close friends. They might be the life and soul of the party, but that’s only when they’re spending time with their inner circle of friends.
If an introvert spends time with anyone beyond their closest friends, they start to feel drained and depleted in no time. [Read: The four types of introverts and how to recognize each of them]
An extrovert is someone who feels most comfortable when they are with a large group of people. They thrive in the company of new people, they absolutely love being the center of attention, and they get easily bored in the company of the same people over time. [Read: Introverts vs Extroverts – How to know which side you’re on]
The difference between extrovert and introvert personalities often comes down to how energized or drained each person feels when socializing for long periods of time, without any alone time.
Some introverts don’t want to go out because they are drained after spending time around people for too long. What makes them feel energized is alone time.
This doesn’t mean introvert personalities do not enjoy going out at all – it’s just when they spend too much time in social situations without any down time between these events, their energy levels will eventually be depleted.
Both introverts and extroverts have an outgoing side; it just manifests itself differently depending on what type of person you are. There’s one other kind of personality out there as well – what is known as the ambivert or the outgoing introvert.
As the name suggests, these people balance themselves between both sides. They adapt their behavior according to what is needed, or what they feel like.
The ambivert’s personality can fluctuate from social to shy and vice versa depending on the environment that they are in. And their preferences also change over time.
What you need to understand is that an ambivert isn’t an introvert with a hidden extroverted side in them. They are introverts who can be outgoing and have fun with people, without compromising their introverted side.
[Read: How to date an introvert – 15 things you should never overlook]
The word “ambivert” was coined by the psychologist, Hans Eysenck, in the 1940s, to describe those people who have traits from both extroverts and introverts personality types.
This means these people are able to access their outgoing side without exhausting themselves as much, because they know how to tap into their more introspective side too!
Introverts are generally more comfortable with what is well-known to them, what they understand or what they have a lot of experience in. They might enjoy reading books alone, taking walks by themselves or spending time on their own rather than socializing at all times of the day as an extrovert would do. But an ambivert knows how to balance these two sides, without letting one affect the other.
If all this sounds like what you are, then you might be an ambivert – somebody who enjoys being around people just as much as they enjoy spending time on their own. You can take your pick of what suits the moment best!
There is no need to feel boxed into one particular personality type all the time. After all, life would get pretty dull if we were always predictable.
If you’re an ambivert, this means that you can switch between these two introverted and extroverted personalities pretty easily depending on what situation you find yourself in: one minute you’re chatting away about your latest book read, another moment you’re snuggled up with a blanket in peace and quiet. It’s what makes you such a complex individual!
[Read: How to be more social – 19 genuine ways to connect with others]
Ambiverts have an outgoing side that can manifest itself differently depending on what type of person you are, just like the two other personality types!
For example, when meeting somebody new or at work events as an extrovert, your outgoing side might come out more than usual whereas if you were doing something quieter such as reading alone, then this would be a time where you would be more introverted.
You often find yourself in what is called a “grey zone” – you’re neither extroverted nor introverted, and yet, you’re both.
Even when you are with just one or two people, it’s not uncommon for the ambivert to be either outgoing and enthusiastic *in order to get someone else talking* or shy and reserved *to give them time to talk while you stay quiet*.
Your mood can change depending on what environment they are currently in; whether that is being around lots of people, hanging out at home alone, or meeting up with friends over coffee. [Read: How to be a good friend – The 23 BFF codes all friends must follow]
An outgoing introvert is a complex creature, and they are difficult to spot. In addition, most of the time they are completely unaware of their own nature. So here are all the signs that you might be an outgoing introvert.
[Read: Do guys like shy girls and find them attractive?]
Outgoing introverts are often misunderstood to be extroverts. On the exterior, an extrovert and an outgoing introvert behave in the same manner. But, on the inside, they view the world in very different ways.
Extroverts are people who focus on things outside of themselves while introverts are mostly in their heads. Although being outgoing, an outgoing introvert is still thinking about themselves even when engaging with others.
An outgoing introvert is someone who is very internal but still works hard to be outgoing. That can lead to disaster in highly populated or very large venues or events.
They are already overwhelmed by their conflict of being introverted with the desire to reach out, so the rest of the situation is just overwhelming noise that makes it close to miserable. [Read: Why introverts are much more than shy or awkward]
You want to engage with people and like to have a real conversation, but absolutely can’t stand the idle chit-chat that has to come first. If this sounds like you, then you just may be an outgoing introvert.
Introverts consider extroverts nothing short of little attention whores. They view them as not having anything to say that has any meaning besides a means to “look at me.” If you like to talk to people, but have very few times that you make it underneath the surface and enjoy it, then you may be an outgoing introvert.
[Read: 16 attention whore signs to watch out for]
If you are someone who can walk into a party one time and be a wallflower, but other times find the scene intriguing and want to be social, then you may just be an outgoing introvert.
Introverted people have a tendency to be anti-social. You, on the other hand, like to be social, but only when you want to. That makes you selectively social. [Read: Motivational tips and tricks for shy people and introverts]
If you leave a social situation sometimes feeling like you just did your comedy skit, and you killed it, then you may be an outgoing introvert.
Someone who is introverted doesn’t ever want to entertain a crowd, while an extrovert is all about entertaining a crowd all the time. So they wouldn’t notice if they were engaging or not. Someone in between the two can sometimes turn on the charm, and realize when they were entertaining.
It isn’t as if you don’t want to talk to people, you just don’t want to be thrust into it. Liking to share your life and to hear about the real life of others, you just need some time to warm up.
A quiet get-together is the perfectly controlled place to show your outgoing side while still maintaining your introverted nature.
If you find that your ability to interact with other people depends on the crowd of people that you are with or the energy of the room, then you are feeding off of other cues outside of yourself. That is an outgoing characteristic.
When your batteries are full, you want to be outgoing, but after a little bit, it is like someone took all your charge. You then become annoyed by the energy it takes to talk to other people and have a tendency to withdraw and just want to be alone.
You find having meaningful conversation exhilarating, and when the conditions are right, you are all about being in the mix.
Although intriguing to you, it takes you a lot of energy to make idle talk to get to the real crux of the matter. Afterward, all that wasted energy has you not wanting to do it anytime soon. [Read: Easy dating advice for introverts]
What sounded good when you pictured sitting down and talking to someone at noon, doesn’t look as fun at two o’clock.
You are quick to change your mental outgoingness and need to have just the right conditions, energy, and desire to put yourself out there and be amongst the living. Somewhat moody, it is all about timing.
Outgoing introverts are typically easy to get along with. You make idle chit chat because you know that is what is socially required of you. But, you secretly hope to get to something more real. Open to listening, you soon find people telling you their life story.
From the exterior, you look completely engaged, open, and light. But underneath, the things that are going on in your head are complex and chaotic. Being all in your head, what appears on the outside versus in, are two very different things. [Read: The introvert’s foolproof guide to dating an extrovert]
Being a person who is all about introspection and reflection, you don’t understand why people can’t just say what is on their mind and you have no problem doing it.
Most people think that it is your outgoing nature that allows you to give of yourself so personally. But, it takes more energy for you to talk superficially about things that don’t seem to matter than to just talk about deep issues and what you are really thinking.
When you are in social situations, you don’t feel the need to own the room. Instead, you are just looking for someone to connect to. Finding a “real” personality who is willing to go beyond the daily weather chat is like nirvana to you.
We all have moods where we don’t feel like doing anything other than being alone; this does not make us extroverted nor introverted – but rather just human!
An outgoing introvert will notice they still need time alone after being in “people mode” for a while because they are more sensitive to stimulation.
You might be an outgoing introvert if you find it challenging to have a conversation with someone who is not at the same level of openness as you. When talking to people, if you need to put in a lot more effort than the other person, you start to feel drained and tired easily.
Outgoing introverts often talk about deep issues because those topics interest them just as much or even more than superficial ones.
An extroverted personality feels compelled to engage with others no matter how hard it may seem for purely social reasons; whereas an ambivert has different needs: they seek mental stimulation when they are around others.
So if they do choose to talk to someone, it’s usually far deeper than “how’s the weather?” [Read: 20 meaningful and deep conversation topics to connect deeply with others]
An outgoing introvert’s energy levels change throughout the day – a time when they may feel like being around people for a while followed by periods of not wanting to be near anyone at all.
So if you’re confused about why you feel like texting a friend one moment, and don’t feel responding to any text for the next hour, that’s probably because you’re an ambivert.
We are all different. Like having a blood type, everyone has a way that they relate those around them. They also know how much they want to engage with others.
The misnomer is that there are only two categories – introvert or extrovert. In between the two is something called the outgoing introvert, or ambivert. A conundrum, sometimes being one is confusing even to the people themselves. It is difficult to know which camp you belong to.
Somedays, you want to be in the thick of things and engage with other people. But within two minutes of being out, you are discouraged that people seem so shallow.
It is okay if you feel like you have been pulled both ways – sometimes being an extrovert gives such benefits as meeting new people with ease and having someone who understands what it means to be introverted too; on the other hand, when things get hard, you understand what it feels like to want your own space and some quiet time.
[Read: Things to know before dating a type A personality]
Take heart – as an ambivert, there are some really fantastic things about being an outgoing introvert. You are someone who takes stock in getting to know “real” people and don’t waste your time on things that don’t matter.
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