Are you subconsciously doing things that could hurt your relationship? See these 16 bad habits to know if you’re hurting your lover without realizing it. By Natalia Avdeeva
All of us have a few bad habits that we don’t realize.
Sometimes, these habits could be silly or cute.
But at most other times, these subconscious bad habits could end up hurting you or distancing you from the one you love.
When you fall in love with someone, you can’t see their bad habits, at least not until you’re past the stage of infatuation.
And likewise, your partner won’t see the bad in you because they’re so smitten by you and your love for them.
But once the rose tinted veil of infatuation sweeps past your eyes, it’s only then that the nagging habits start to reveal themselves.
Bad habits that turn into relationship breakers
You can’t change who you are, can you?
And if you have a few bad habits that could play the part of a deal breaker in your romance, you may realize it only when it’s too late.
After all, it’s easier to deny that you have faults than to accept that you may be flawed, or that your behavior has a significant role to play in the drift between you and your lover.
Now not all bad habits could affect your relationship for the worse. But there are a few which your partner could overlook for a while, until those habits sow the seed that could split the ground in your perfect relationship and give way to other critical differences. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
16 silly bad habits that can hurt your relationship
Are you indulging in any of these 16 bad habits in your own relationship? These habits may seem trivial to many, but it’s these very habits that could go from a minor annoyance to a big reason for a break up soon enough if you don’t keep an eye on them.
#1 Taken for granted. You know your partner’s sweet and caring. And you love them for it. But do you remember to appreciate your partner and thank them for all the little things they do, be it finding your keys or opening the doors for you?
You may think it’s silly to constantly thank your partner for every little thing they do. But chances are, you may start taking these sweet gestures for granted even before you realize it, and they’d turn into expectations instead! [Read: 16 reasons why you’re so easily taken for granted by everyone around you]
#2 Lover pleaser. You try really hard to please your partner, but you get really upset when your partner doesn’t realize you’ve done something for them. And yet, you continue to do nice things for them all the time *which they take for granted* and eventually turn into a relationship martyr.
If your partner takes you for granted, talk to them about it. Bottling your rage or sadness will not help you. Perhaps, your partner didn’t even realize that you’ve done something sweet for them. Communicate and express yourself now and then, and stop trying to be a helpless people pleaser. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t even know it]
#3 Testing your partner. You intentionally make big demands or throw tantrums just to see if your partner cares enough to go the extra mile for you. These petty tests are rather common at the start of a new relationship when you’d want your lover to prove their love for you, but don’t carry this habit into the later stages of love or your constant games and tests would annoy your lover. [Read: The 9 relationship stages all couples go through]
#4 Blame games. Don’t put the fault entirely on your partner if you believe you have a small role to play too. It’s easy to point a finger and accuse your partner for the mess that both of you are in. But by doing that, your partner would feel cornered and helpless, and even angry and hurt.
On the other hand, by sharing the blame or acknowledging your role in the mistake, you’d be giving your partner the emotional support they so badly need at that moment.
#5 Silent treatment. Do you choose to ignore your partner instead of talking about something that’s hurt you? You’re not alone. Many men and women would rather sit down in the corner and stare at the ceiling than answer their partner when they’re annoyed for some reason. Never do that because you’d only end up hurting your partner, make them feel miserable, and hate you at the same time. [Read: How to perfect the art of the silent treatment for the better]
#6 Unbalanced expectations. Do you have high expectations from your partner, and expect them to have lower expectations from you *because you’re too busy providing for the family or busy doing something else?*
The roles between a husband and a wife or a boyfriend and a girlfriend could be different, but that gives no right for one partner to demand more from the other partner, and give less in return.
#7 Monosyllables. Don’t answer in monosyllables in the middle of a conversation. Period. Answering with a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or an ‘hmmm’ is just a rude thing to do, even if you’re pretending to be concentrating on something else.
When your partner tries to communicate with you, try to answer back in open ended questions. It’ll help both of you interact better and understand each other better. You need to remember that conversations with monosyllables usually end up dead in a minute or two, and over a period of time, your monosyllabic answers would just push both of you apart. [Read: 12 real reasons why so many couples drift apart over a few years]
#8 Don’t be a brat. Do you constantly like having things your way? It could be as silly as watching a genre of movies you enjoy or dining out at places that you like. Your partner may find your tantrums cute to begin with, but if you always want things your own way, there will come a time very soon when your partner would snap and just hate everything you like because they’re so sick of it!
#9 Making a scene in public. Don’t yell at your partner or humiliate them in public or when someone else is around. Your frustrations may be valid and you may have every good reason to accuse your partner of something, or walk away from them. But ridiculing your partner or hurting them in public will do a lot of damage to their ego, and that’s something that won’t heal very soon.
#10 You lie. For the silliest of reasons! And you just can’t help yourself. You may be lying to your partner because you’re afraid of their temper, or because you don’t want to appear weak in front of them. The reasons could be several, but the end result is almost always the same. Lies affect relationships negatively, and will lead to loss of trust. Stop lying and learn to confront the truth, you’ll have a much better life. [Read: 7 reasons why you lie and 7 ways to stop lying and hurting everyone else]
#11 “I don’t want to talk about it!” Avoiding discussions, especially if it’s stressful may seem like the easy thing to do at a particular moment. But stuffing all the difficult conversations in some dark corner will only leave you more stressed, and leave your partner frustrated and angry. As difficult as a particular decision or a relationship conversation may be, you can solve it only by talking about it with your lover. Remember, every journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
#12 You get irritated easily. Do you find yourself getting irritated with your partner now and then, and have no idea why you feel that way? In all probability, there’s a subtle reason behind why you’re annoyed with your partner. So instead of snapping at them or behaving in an irritable manner, sit down and ask yourself why you’re feeling annoyed. Or better yet, tell your partner that you feel annoyed, but can’t figure out why you’re feeling that way. Believe me, you’ll feel a lot better almost the very second you say that to your lover!
#13 Every moment is together time. Do you spend every waking moment *other than work* with each other? You could scoff at other couples who do things individually and believe you’re the better couple because both of you do everything together. But in reality, doing every single thing together can do more harm than good because it stops both of you from having your own individual lives. [Read: Why space is so important for the success of a relationship]
#14 You don’t compliment enough. When was the last time you complimented your partner when they dressed up for you? As the years go by, it’s easy to overlook the little things that your lover does that makes them awesome and take it for granted. Compliment your partner often and let them see that you still admire them, and are awed and smitten by them.
#15 Time for friends. Do you subconsciously nag your partner or get annoyed with them when they leave you alone and go out with their own friends? This is pretty common, and there’s a good chance you feel it if your partner has more friends than you do or if you’re a loner. But remember, hanging out with friends now and then isn’t all bad. It gives both of you the kind of space you both need to grow as individuals. [Read: 10 things to keep in mind to avoid smothering your lover with your love]
#16 You don’t discuss the future. Firstly, do both of you have common goals for the future? Most couples don’t talk about the future at all, and when it comes to making a decision, you may feel like you got the short end of the stick.
Don’t avoid discussing about the future just because both of you have contrasting opinions. It’ll only push both of you further away. Communicate with each other and try reasoning the differences out. As hard as it may seem, it’s always better than avoiding confrontations in love.
Sometimes, it’s easy to assume these are trivial details that aren’t a big deal. But if you continue with these 16 bad relationship habits for more than a few months, it’s only a matter of time before your partner would end up getting frustrated with your behavior.
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