Trust isn’t something you should readily give to a guy just because you’re dating. Is he trustworthy? Here’s how you can tell.
A large part of what makes relationships successful or unsuccessful is trust. This brings us to an essential question: is he trustworthy? Without trust, it is very difficult to build the foundations of love. And without love, your relationship will go downhill really fast.
However, although trust is a key ingredient of a satisfying relationship, it can often be hard to find or give to the person you’re dating. Trustworthiness is a sign of maturity, and a lot of men, especially young men, simply haven’t reached that stage of development yet. But there are also a good number of men who have, hard as they may be to find.
The Essence of Trust in a Relationship
Trust in a relationship is often hailed as a cornerstone, vital for the foundation and growth of a healthy, loving bond between two people. When we talk about trust in a romantic context, it’s about much more than just believing your boyfriend won’t forget your anniversary or text back on time. [Read: Relationship dates men should never, ever forget]
It’s a deep-seated confidence in their integrity, knowing they have your best interests at heart and that they’ll handle your heart with care.
So, why is trust such a big deal in love? For starters, it’s the glue that holds everything together. It’s the comfort of knowing you can rely on your partner, that they’ll be there through thick and thin, and they won’t bail when the going gets tough. This sense of security is essential for any relationship to thrive and grow.
But what happens when trust issues creep in? Well, it’s like a small crack in a windshield that, if left unattended, can spread and cause a lot of damage. Trust issues can stem from past experiences, misunderstandings, or even miscommunications.
They can make you question the ‘checklist of is he trustworthy’ and wonder if you’re overthinking or if there’s a genuine concern. These doubts can turn the healthiest of relationships into a breeding ground for anxiety and misunderstandings. [Read: 38 signs & traits of a happy, healthy relationship & what it should look like]
Now, let’s talk about building and maintaining that trust. It’s one thing to find a trustworthy boyfriend, ticking off all the right boxes in the ‘is he trustworthy’ checklist, but it’s another to sustain that trust.
It involves a lot of work, communication, and understanding from both parties. It’s about creating an environment where both feel safe to share, be vulnerable, and rely on each other.
Can You Trust the Guy You’re Dating?
Before you serve up your trust on a silver platter, find out first if he does indeed deserve to be trusted. Here are ways you can find out if he’ll treat your trust like a treasure to be cherished.
1. He is Always Willing to Communicate
Is he trustworthy? First of all, a trustworthy man won’t run away when you try to communicate with him about things. The reason is because he has nothing to hide, so he doesn’t mind you peppering him with questions like a detective.
Men who are untrustworthy, and who have guilty consciences, may fear direct prying into their lives, because they don’t want you to discover the lies they are telling.
2. He Can Look You in The Eye
Not being able to look you in the eye is a sign that the guy could easily be shady. So, the opposite of that is often a good sign. If he can look you in the eye while talking to you, it means that he probably doesn’t have anything to hide. The eyes have a funny way of revealing emotional information. So if he’s not one of those guys with a shifty, paranoid gaze, then he may be worth giving your trust to. [Read: Subtle eye contact flirting moves that work]
3. He Can Let His Guard Down With You
Trust should be mutual, right? If he can let his guard down around you, it means that he is pretty comfortable with himself, and is willing to let you get to know him on a deeper level.
Not only is this a sign of maturity, but it is also a sign that he’s trying to earn your trust by giving him yours. [Read: Signs you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man]
4. He Isn’t Constantly Flirting With Other Girls
Flirting with other girls all the time is a sign that he isn’t quite settled into the relationship with you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a cheater or a liar, but it could definitely mean that he isn’t that invested in the relationship.
Though this isn’t a sign that he’s not trustworthy, it’s a sign that he may not be at that stage where he will be able to truly value your trust. [Read: Sgns he’s flirting with another woman]
5. He Seems Genuinely Interested in Your Life
This is a good one, because if he is interested in your life, it probably means that he is emotionally attached to you on a significant level. His emotional investment in you could also mean that he cares enough about you to truly want to avoid hurting you, a sign he’s indeed a trustworthy man. [Read: Sure signs you’re dating a real keeper]
6. He Doesn’t Mind Being Around Your Family or Your Best Friends
Sometimes, family members or best friends can have the ability to read your boyfriend, or pick up things about him that you may not notice. You may be blind to his faults or shady characteristics because you are drunk on love.
However, your family members and close friends aren’t so love-drunk, so they can view him more objectively. If your boyfriend is hiding something, or is not trustworthy, he probably won’t be too keen on being around those who want to protect you and look after your best interests. [Read: What to do if your friends don’t like your boyfriend]
7. He Doesn’t Freak Out If You Touch His Phone
Is he trustworthy? Try picking up his phone as it can be a great test to see whether or not your man is trustworthy. If he’s cool with it, then that means he doesn’t have anything to hide in his phone.
However, if he’s acting paranoid or defensive, this may be a sign that he’s got something to hide. Why trust a guy with potentially scandalous secrets on his phone?
8. He is Calm and Collected
A guy who seems to have everything in control is one who is secure. His security may be because he’s got nothing to hide. As mentioned above, a man who is paranoid or has a shifty gaze may be one whom you can’t trust.
So if the guy you’re with is as cool as an ice cube, then he may have a clear enough conscience that’s free of guilt or he may be a seriously good actor… Which we doubt.
9. You Experience a Gradual Increase in Comfort Around Him
This is perhaps the most important sign. The longer you stay in a relationship with your boyfriend, and the more your level of comfort increases around him, the more you can trust him.
The reason is because the body almost has a sixth sense when it comes to these things. If you spend a lot of time with him throughout the course of your relationship, and he hasn’t done anything to halt the level of comfort you feel with him, you will naturally trust him more and more. [Read: 25 signs of a great boyfriend]
10. Your Friends Like Him
Most likely, your friends just want you to be happy and not get hurt. So when they judge your boyfriend, they are probably largely focused on whether or not they think that you can trust him. So, you can use their opinions as a sort of gauge to tell whether or not he is trustworthy. It’s not a perfect system, but it is definitely useful information.
Is He Trustworthy? – A Checklist
To get a clearer picture, we’ve put together an essential checklist. Ask yourself these questions to assess the trustworthiness of your boyfriend. This checklist is designed to delve into both his behavior and the overall health of your relationship. It acts as a practical guide, helping you to scrutinize the trust aspects in your partnership. Focus on the details and be honest with yourself as you go through each point, as this will help you understand the foundation of your relationship with your boyfriend.
1. Does He Hide Things From You?
There is nothing that will make you feel more unsettled and question the loyalty or love of someone more than if they hide things from you. Regardless if it is money or problems in his family, if he keeps things from you, then you are more likely to believe he isn’t totally honest about everything.
This leads mistrust in all areas. It becomes difficult to trust someone who you think isn’t honest. The more you find affirmation that he keeps things from you, the harder it will be to stay in a relationship with him.
If he hides things from you, and you had to go through his things to find the answers, he is probably someone who can’t be trusted. [Read: Things men do that make women insecure in relationships]
2. Have You Caught Him Lying?
If he lies once, who is to say he won’t do it again? There are people who can lie in a relationship and then there are people who can’t. There are people who can be lied to and get over it and then others who can’t.
If you caught him lying and you worry about trusting him again, the chances are good that he is okay with lying. And you are not into getting over it. Those two types of personalities, in general, don’t really jive. Maybe it isn’t as much about trust as about the decorum that you have with people versus the decorum he does. Your two different personalities don’t meld well.
3. Has He Suddenly Changed His Behavior?
When you are in a relationship, you notice patterns of behavior in your mate. These patterns signal the way we make sense of the life we have with them. We use our past experiences to guide how we behave in the future.
If when he comes home he grabs a drink, and you know he’s had a bad day and to lay off, that is a behavior you come to expect and know how to react to. [Read: Does he still love me? 25 questions to find the truth]
However, if your past experiences with him have totally changed, and suddenly you don’t know what is up, how to react, or what is going on in his head, something’s obviously not right. You probably suspect he doesn’t feel the same way about you, or there is something, or someone, else in his life.
If his behavior completely changed, it is hard to navigate what your relationship is about and what is going on with him. It is also hard to trust his honesty. Either he wasn’t himself before, or he isn’t now, either way, he was pretending at some point.
4. Has He Cheated on Others in the Past?
If he cheated on his past girlfriend with you, it may have felt really good that he chose you. But, let’s be honest, it likely planted a suspicion in your head that he is capable of doing it again. The phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” is a phrase for a reason.
We all like to believe we were just so magical that they couldn’t possibly pass us up, and that is why he cheated on his old girlfriend.
But the truth is, if he is capable once, he is capable again. When something better comes along, you may be history too. You know that in the back of your mind, driving your distrust. [Read: 20 veiled signs your boyfriend is cheating already]
5. Have You Been Cheated on in the Past?
If you have been cheated on in the past, then you might just be looking for signs, so you don’t experience that hurt again. Our previous experiences guide the perspective we have about what people are and are not capable of. You might be transferring your mistrust of people in general onto your boyfriend which isn’t really fair.
6. Have You Cheated on Others in Your Past?
If you cheated on someone in the past, it is kind of the same thing. You know how horrible you felt, and that you aren’t a bad person. You were able to lie to the person you were with. You looked at someone you cared about right in the eye and bold-faced lied to them.
If you are capable, and you are a decent person, well then, you feel anyone is capable of cheating. And it drives your insecurity. [Read: You only cheated once – Should you tell?]
7. What Type of Person is He?
If you believed he was a good person and totally incapable of cheating on someone, you probably wouldn’t worry about what he was doing.
You decide for yourself if the person you are with is someone who you trust and who loves you. Or he is the opposite, someone you can’t trust and not worthy of your time or your love.
Only you decide who you believe them to be. Once you find the answer, guide your behavior accordingly. When you begin to become distrustful, stop yourself and think rationally about who you think he is. Slowing the process down before the green monster comes out is the best way to learn to trust your boyfriend. [Read: Personal questions to ask a guy to get the inside scoop]
8. Does He Make You Feel Insecure?
Often, when someone makes us feel unworthy, we have a tendency to feel less secure about ourselves and wonder if there is something better out there for them. Or if they compare us to someone whom they’d like better. It is hard to think that a guy who isn’t happy with you, or doesn’t say nice things about you, won’t find someone better and jump ship.
If someone loves you, then they make you feel secure, good about yourself, and like they are lucky to have you.
9. Does He Have a Wandering Eye?
Nothing makes you trust a guy less than someone who can’t seem to keep his eyes on you every time someone beautiful walks by. If he can’t at least show you the respect of not having a roving eye, then, of course, it is natural to wonder. What he is capable of doing when you aren’t around, if that is the way he behaves when you are? [Read: Dating a compulsive flirt – How to fix it for good]
10. What Type of Guys Does He Hang Out With?
Does he have a cast of characters in his life who do nothing but cheat on and use women? Often, we tend to hang out with people who we have a lot in common with.
If you notice his friends are unable to be faithful, it causes you to question whether he is his own man or like his friends. Birds of a feather flock together for sure. It is hard to trust someone whose gang of friends are okay with treating women without loyalty or respect.
11. Does He Share His Life With You?
If he has one life with you and then one without you, it may make you question why he won’t meld the two. If he loves and wants you in his life, you likely ask yourself why he doesn’t want you to meet his friends, take you around his family, or want you stopping by unannounced at work.
If he keeps you from something or someone in his life, and you feel it is intentional, then it is probable you are going to question his honesty and faithfulness. [Read: Backburner babe: Signs you are just his backup lover]
12. Does He Include You in His Decisions?
If he doesn’t think twice about you before making decisions, then you have a right to question his loyalty. When someone doesn’t include you into the important moments in their life, it is like they say they don’t have a space for you.
Not only is it hurtful; it makes you question where you stand in his life. And makes you jealous of others that he talks to or consults in his major life decisions. [Read: 20 revealing signs that show you might be growing apart]
13. Is He Supportive During Tough Times?
Life isn’t always a smooth ride, and it’s crucial to have a partner who stands by you during those bumpy moments. A trustworthy boyfriend doesn’t vanish when things get challenging. Instead, he’s there, offering a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. It’s not just about being present during the good times but also showing resilience and support when you’re facing difficulties.
This trait is a significant aspect of the ‘trust in a relationship’ dynamic. It demonstrates that he’s not just in it for the fun and easy parts but is committed to being your partner through all life’s twists and turns.
14. Does He Encourage Your Independence?
A healthy relationship is one where both partners have the freedom to be themselves and pursue their own interests. A trustworthy boyfriend will encourage your independence, supporting you in your hobbies, career aspirations, and social life.
He understands that a relationship is about sharing lives, not restricting them. It’s a key indicator on the ‘is he trustworthy’ checklist, showing that he values your individuality as much as the relationship.
15. How Does He Handle Conflict?
The way your boyfriend deals with disagreements or conflicts can tell you a lot about how much you can trust him. Does he approach misunderstandings with an open mind, willing to listen and communicate effectively? A trustworthy partner doesn’t resort to yelling, manipulation, or stonewalling when things get heated.
Instead, he seeks to understand your perspective and works towards a resolution that respects both of your needs. It shows that even in challenging times, he’s committed to the health and longevity of the relationship.
So, Is He Trustworthy?
Giving someone your trust in a relationship can be a very scary thing. The reason is that if you allow yourself to become completely bonded to someone emotionally, then you don’t want him to break your heart.
The more bonded you become, the more it will hurt if you get your heart broken. This is why it is critical to be able to figure out whether or not the person is trustworthy. Unfortunately, most people won’t be able to sit their boyfriends down for a lie detector test, so you have to use the next best thing.
The more of these tactics that you use, the more likely you will be to successfully figure out if your boyfriend is trustworthy. And the more practice you get, the better you will become at reading people.
As you apply these strategies and deepen your understanding, the question of “Is he trustworthy?” becomes clearer. It’s not just about finding a definitive yes or no answer but about continuously engaging in a process of trust-building and honest evaluation. Remember, trust is the backbone of any strong relationship, and investing your time and effort in nurturing this trust is invaluable.
