Relationships require partnership, not ownership. So, if you notice these early signs of a possessive man, it is better to get out before it gets bad.
In the past, men did actually own women in a way. From owning property to having a say over what they did and more. But women have come far in our liberation. Apparently some men still don’t realize women and men are equals. One cannot own the other. Or act as if he does. Watch out for these early signs of a possessive man, it’s pretty easy to know for sure once you know just what to keep an eye on.
Why are some men so possessive?
Does it really matter? When a man acts as if he has this right to control you, he isn’t worth trying to figure out. Maybe he is insanely jealous due to trust issues or is afraid of abandonment. Does that excuse possessive behavior? No.
When will you start to notice these early signs of a possessive man?
As early as the first date. If you’re looking for the signs, you can see them almost immediately. Now, some guys know they tend to be possessive. So, they will be on their best behavior until you let your guard down.
But a man that is possessive won’t be able to hide his overbearing ways for long.
The early signs of a possessive man
Whether you are headed out on a first date, settling into a full-on relationship, or just in the flirting stage picking up on these early signs of a possessive man will save you a lot of time, trouble, and possibly a painful heartbreak.
The best way to avoid a possessive man is to know that he is one before it is too late.
#1 He interrupts you when you’re with other people, especially men. This is a telltale sign early on that he is possessive. It will only get worse. If you’re at a party and went over to talk to some people and he hovers around you or pulls you away, that is not a good sign.
#2 He is jealous. Jealously is something a lot of people deal with. If you’ve been cheated on, you probably get it, but there are levels to this. A person with slight trust issues may worry about your best male friend or question you befriending an ex. But a possessive guy will do more than question.
He will want to check your phone, forbid you from seeing these guys, or even make you block them on social media. Chatting with your male friends online and hanging out with a group that includes guys should not make a slightly jealous guy crazy, but a possessive one, for sure. [Read: How to make a jealous boyfriend not-so-jealous]
#3 He wants to know who you’re with. If he calls you when you’re not together to find out what you’re doing, it can come off as sweet. He’s checking in after all, but if he is always asking who you’re with, that is an early sign of a possessive man. Maybe I should say boy.
He may even go as far as FaceTiming you so he can make sure you are in fact with your mom or girlfriend. He wants to make sure he knows exactly what you’re doing and who you’re with at all times. A healthy relationship requires trust and independence, not domination.
#4 He wants you to cover up. Maybe on your first date he told you how nice you look in that strapless dress. But you wore a tank top and shorts on your third date and he insisted you wear his jacket to cover up. He may use the excuse that he doesn’t want you to be cold or for others guys to stare, but…
This is a man that wants you for himself, and not in a romantic way. He isn’t protecting you from wandering eyes for your sake, but for his own. He wants to be the only one who gets to see you looking good. He doesn’t want you to put effort into how you look if anyone else can see you. [Read: 18 clear signs of a protective and dominating boyfriend]
#5 He expects you to choose him first. Say you have plans with your friends, your sister, or even your parents, but he asked you to do something. He expects you to cancel your plans to see him.
He doesn’t care if you were going to see a group of friends that included guys, but even if you were shopping with your mother, he wants you to always choose him first.
#6 You have to prove your loyalty, but he doesn’t. This is something I have personally seen a lot of women struggle with. You may reach out to him, but he doesn’t answer for hours and it is no big deal. But, God forbid, you miss his call while in the shower. You never hear the end of it.
#7 He doesn’t want you going out with the girls or talking about your relationship. If you are at the point where you are introducing one another to your friends, but he doesn’t want to meet yours there is a reason for that, and not a good one. Men know that girls talk. They also know that your friends can see what you may be blind to.
So, not only does he refuse to meet your friends, but he may also insist you stay private with any relationship issues. If you were to go complaining to a friend, she may open your eyes and encourage you to end it or regain your own power. He does not want that.
If he goes as far as to convince you your friends are no good for you, it is because he is possessive. He wants you for himself. If you notice that since you’ve been with him that you’ve been drifting from your friends, he is most likely the culprit. And in reality he is the one you should run from. [Read: 15 subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend that may seem like sweet love]
#8 He wants you to be private, but he also wants everyone to know you’re his. As I said earlier, he doesn’t want you gossiping about him or your relationship to anyone. But he also wants everyone to know you are together. Or that you are his.
He may not want you to gab to your friends or family, but he insists you consistently post photos of you two online. Then, everyone knows you’re taken.
#9 He may comes across old fashioned and gentlemanly at first. This is how these guys pin you down and make you vulnerable. A possessive man can seem refreshing at first. He may open your door, insist on paying, and even come across wonderfully to your family.
But this is how he digs in. He is laying down the groundwork so that you don’t question what is to come. Or when you start to see his possessive side you say to yourself, but he is so nice or he cares so much. All the manners in the world cannot excuse a possessive man. [Read: The biggest signs of a possessive and jealous boyfriend]
#10 He’s manipulative. ALERT ALERT ALERT. This is not a drill. A manipulative guy is hard to catch. They are often so good at manipulating you don’t even realizing that he is doing it. But if he has done any of the following things while sliding under your possessive man radar, he is manipulating you.
If you questioned his loyalty and he turned it around on you, so you end up apologizing, he is manipulating you. If he guilts you into anything he is manipulating you. If he uses his love or worry for you as a reason to keep you to himself, he is manipulating you.
And manipulation is just another way he tries overpower you, as he would his property.