Losing your virginity is one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life. Some people might wait to be in love, whereas others may just feel ready to experience sexual pleasure. There are also those who have made the decision to wait until marriage before losing it.
It can feel like a really scary moment when you have decided that the time is right to have sex, as the fear of the unknown can bring on anxiety and restlessness. Part of that anxiety is due to the fact that you want to pleasure your partner, but you have no prior experience in pleasuring any other guy in the bedroom. Another reason for your apprehension may be the fear that not being prepared for sex will make the whole experience disappointing *at best* or painful *at worst*.
You want to at least come across like you have some idea of what you’re doing, so that the act of losing your virginity involves less awkward fumbling. If your partner knows that you’re a virgin with zero experience, they’ll probably be understanding. But even then, wouldn’t it be great to make your first time a pleasurable experience for both of you?
How to make your first sexual experience awesome
Here are some ways you can learn more about sex in general, so that you aren’t completely clueless when it comes down to it. This will help you gain the confidence you need, so that you aren’t in the dark about what to expect, and you’ll be able to enjoy the experience as well.
#1 Project confidence. If there is one single thing to have when having sex *aside from protection, of course*, it’s confidence in yourself. While this is easier said than done, especially in an area that is completely new for you, you can still work on improving your confidence beforehand.
Having confidence in your body will take the emphasis off any inexperience you have. Guys are attracted to a woman’s confidence and body language, not necessarily how wild she is in bed. That can be learned later on, but it’s not essential to know how to be a freak between the sheets the first time you have sex.
There are a few ways that you can embody the opposite of confidence that would make you look insecure, shy, and could give away the fact that you have no idea what you’re doing. Being afraid to have sex with any lights on or attempting to keep your partner from seeing your naked body will only have the opposite effect of what you are hoping for.
If you’re not confident with yourself, the vulnerability you’ll feel during the act of having sex will only serve to make you feel even more anxious, thus making the whole experience less enjoyable. [Read: 8 steps to be more body confident in the bedroom]
#2 Watch some porn. Porn is a great tool for learning about sex, even if it’s not based on love or true emotional intimacy. Porn is not always a realistic portrayal of what you’ll be experiencing during sex with your partner. However, the basic act of sex is something you should familiarize yourself with before actually doing it.
You can get the whole visual experience of the male and female parts, so that you’re not squeamish when you see them in person. You’ll also be able to watch what the guy is doing and how the girl is reacting, so that you know what to expect when you have sex for the first time.
Just a word of advice: aim for watching porn that portrays the more romantic side of sex. With the many pornographic options you have online, it’s easy to find porn that features realistic lovemaking. [Read: 10 non-porn erotic movies that are sure to turn you on]
#3 Learn more about your body. If you want to seem like you have experience even when you don’t, then it is essential to first get to know your own body. While not all girls are comfortable with self-pleasuring, others learned from a young age how to explore their own body through masturbation and visual aids like porn.
Learning what you like and how to pleasure yourself will make you seem much more experienced than you are, simply because you know how to push your own buttons. Do your own research on how women can pleasure themselves, and read up on tried and tested techniques. Get to know exactly what feels good and what doesn’t, so that you can communicate that to your guy when you’re having sex.
#4 Talk to a friend you trust. Talking to a friend that you trust who has already lost their virginity, is a good way to gain real information on what you can expect. Ask them about their first time experiences, and if it met their expectations. Then talk to them about how sex has changed after that, and any advice they might have for you.
If you are too embarrassed to explain that you’re a virgin, you can casually bring it up in conversation and get them to open up about their first time. Understanding sex through a trusted friend will help you feel less apprehensive and more confident about the experience.
#5 Practice relaxing. Nothing will make for a more painful and frightening sexual encounter than being too tense right from the start. Tensing up your pelvic muscles will make it extremely hard for your guy to penetrate you, and it could cause excruciating pain for you. Relaxing your entire body, especially your pelvic area, will help loosen you up and make sure that sex will be an enjoyable experience, rather than a painful one.
#6 Talk it over with your guy. Before you even head to the bedroom, you can usually glean some information on what your guy is into when you finally get it on. Knowing what he’s into can help you prepare for the moment when he finally acts on them in the bedroom. Talking about your own personal preferences prevents you from being unpleasantly surprised when the moment finally comes. [Read: What women want in bed but are too ashamed to ask]
#7 Fake it till you make it. Being a virgin really isn’t so bad. Even though it might put you in a scenario that doesn’t feel natural just yet, try to remember that everyone has to start somewhere, and that somewhere is where you are right now.
Spend time exploring your own body, getting advice from credible online sources, learning through visual aids, and working on your confidence in the meantime. When the time comes, you will feel surer of yourself, and you will also have a much better idea of what to expect. Going into sex blindly can lead to possible disappointments, unexpected surprises, and unlikely expectations.
[Read: 10 foolproof sex tips every girl should know]
If you don’t want to give away the fact that you’re a virgin, you can try these steps to ensure that your first time will be enjoyable, and the guy you’re with will be none the wiser.
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