You’re dating a new guy, and it’s going great! But you don’t know if dating a bisexual guy is any different. Well, not at all. Read on to see for yourself.
Maybe you’ve just swiped on a bisexual man, maybe you’ve been on a few dates, or maybe things are starting to get serious. Either way, you’re here because you’re thinking of or are dating a bisexual guy for the first time, and you don’t know what to do.
How different is it to date a bisexual man than a straight/gay man? [Read: 20 signs to check for if you think he may be gay]
Well, it’s no different at all. The rules aren’t any different just because a man is bisexual. All you have to worry about is maintaining trust, respect, and love in your relationship, just like with any other.
But if you’re still not sure what a relationship will be like with a bisexual man, here’s everything you need to know about dating bisexual men so you can go into this relationship with knowledge and understanding.
Things you should know before dating a bisexual guy
People are complicated, everyone is *which can make it hard to get to know someone!*. Bisexual men are no different, meaning that the points we’re about to go into absolutely don’t apply to every single bisexual man.
But, their sexuality can sometimes have an influence on their personality and their actions, so knowing the following points about bisexual men might help you understand your new beau a bit better.
1. They may initially struggle with being 100% open about themselves
Coming out of the closet can be really difficult. For some reason, some people still don’t react well to the news that someone isn’t straight.
So, if your guy is a bit closed and reserved, maybe he had a bad experience with coming out that has now scarred him from revealing his true self to others. Give him time and plenty of reassurance, and before long you’ll get to know the true him!
2. They may miss being with other people when in a monogamous relationship
That’s the tricky thing about being attracted to both men and women. When you’re with one, there’s bound to be something about the other that you miss.
Now, this doesn’t mean that when you’re dating a bisexual guy he’s going to cheat on you to scratch that itch you can’t reach. But, if he admits to you that he’s missing something, don’t be surprised. Just support him however feels right for both of you.
3. They have significantly higher rates of anxiety and depression than straight and gay men
No, we’re not making this up! Studies have shown that bisexual people are more prone to experiencing depression and anxiety.
Scientists have suggested that bisexual people are more likely to report feeling uncertain about their identity, feel like they should conceal their bisexuality, and that they have a weaker connection to the LGBT community—all feelings that can affect their mental well-being.
So be patient and understanding when you’re dating a bisexual guy. He might be dealing with a lot.
4. There’s no need to freak out about the porn they watch
If you’re in a heterosexual relationship and your boyfriend is watching gay porn, or vice versa, you have nothing to worry about.
It doesn’t mean that your partner wants to leave you for the other sex! It just means that they get turned on by certain things.
5. You’re likely going to have to deal with some BS for dating a bi guy
You’d think that we’re living in a more open-minded and accepting society, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. So, just be warned that people might have some unsavory comments to make when they find out you’re dating a bisexual man.
Just brush them off and continue living your life. And if these offensive comments come from close friends or family, maybe you should reconsider if you want someone so judgmental and closed-minded in your life.
6. Their masculinity is not tied up with their sexuality
Straight men aren’t always stoic lumberjacks and gay men aren’t always flamboyant camp queens. People are just people who just so happen to like certain people.
The same is true for any bisexual man, so don’t expect him to act a certain way just because of his sexuality. [Read: What is masculinity? 46 manly & toxic traits that women love & despise in men]
7. They’re not your gay BFF who you also have sex with
This should be a given. But if you didn’t already know this, maybe you shouldn’t be dating a bisexual guy.
You can’t just treat your boyfriend like your girl best friend and expect some goodies on the side – this is your partner. You should treat your bisexual boyfriend with respect, just as you would with a straight boyfriend.
8. They’re often less concerned about gender norms
Hey, traditional gender norms say that men should only date women, so clearly, bisexual men don’t care about them!
Bisexual men might be more willing to wear nail polish, makeup, or even a cute skirt! Or maybe not. Again, bisexual men don’t fall into a single category.
9. Bi guys know more about sex
When you learn your way around both men’s and women’s bodies, you tend to pick up a few extra tips! Studies have shown that bisexual men are more likely to be sexually intellectual. What does this mean?
Bisexual men know more about sexual diversity and desire. And because they don’t give a crap about gender norms, they’re more likely to try more explorative positions, like pegging. [Read: What is pegging? All the backdoor facts to get you started]
What you should do when you’re dating a bisexual guy
As we’ve already said, dating a bisexual guy doesn’t come with a long rap sheet of rules that are completely unique to them. A relationship with a bisexual man doesn’t have to look any different than any other relationship.
But with that said, your partner’s sexuality is a part of his identity, so you shouldn’t totally ignore it. Instead, you should acknowledge his bisexuality, accept it, embrace it, and make him loved for who he is. Here’s how you can go about doing that.
1. Be inclusive
How would you feel if your partner took a part of your identity and brushed it under the carpet because they felt uncomfortable bringing it up? Yeah, you’d feel hurt. So, don’t neglect his bisexuality.
Don’t shy away from conversations about exes. Ask him about his preferences *if he feels comfortable telling you*.
Even doing something small like pointing out how hot someone is, even if they’re not your preferred gender, can make your bisexual boyfriend feel loved and accepted. [Read: Sure ways to tell if you’re really bi-curious]
2. Porn
Porn is a tricky subject for a lot of couples. Some people think of watching porn as a form of cheating, while others are perfectly fine with their partner watching the occasional adult film. The most awkward scenario is when two people in a relationship have opposing views on porn.
Unfortunately, this topic gets even more complicated when you’re dating a bisexual guy, as he could be watching porn that satisfies part of his sexual desires that you just can’t. [Read: Is watching porn cheating? NO but it can make or break your sex life]
So, you need to have the talk. Calmly explain your views on watching porn and patiently listen while he explains his. Whatever solution you end on, you need to make sure that you’re both heard and that you reach a compromise that you’re both happy with.
If you’re a straight couple, you could let him watch gay porn and vice versa. Or maybe a compromise could be that he watches threesome/gang bang videos so that there’s something in there that looks like you. Hey, to spice it up a bit, you could watch porn with him! [Read: Porn for couples – why it might just save your relationship]
3. Get physical
It’s worth asking questions about the physical side of his sexuality to see if there is something in particular that he misses and, if possible, see if you can emulate that somehow.
For example, he may enjoy anal penetration, which he wouldn’t normally expect from a woman, but there is such a thing as pegging! There is a whole range of sex toys available for exactly such a purpose.
This kind of thing might not be up everyone’s alley *don’t pardon the pun*, but it could lend a whole new and exciting dimension to your lovemaking. [Read: First-time anal sex – the curious bum lover’s guide to anal sex]
4. Grant shore leave
Now, the next two points are more for if you are an incredibly broad-minded kind of person.
If you feel comfortable with the idea, you could give your partner regular leave to go and indulge in the other side of his sexuality.
He might decline, of course, which is all well and good, but he may respond positively and the appreciation he feels might even make you closer.
Ground rules would have to be drawn up to stop anyone from getting hurt, though, and safe sex must always be insisted upon.
But it seems like these days, open relationships are becoming more and more popular. If it’s something that both of you feel comfortable with, why not give it a try? Just know that it requires an immense amount of trust in both parts.
5. Join in
As we said, this point is also for the more open-minded. But, like it says on the tin, why not join in?
Some women are incredibly turned on by homo-eroticism, and a threesome or more with a bunch of handsome hunks going at each other like hammer-and-tongues is an ultimate fantasy come true.
Again, this is either something you can do or something you can’t and not being true to yourself in an effort to impress can only lead to heartache. [Read: How to have a threesome – 57 tips, rules & the best positions]
Things you shouldn’t say to your bisexual partner
Now that we’ve covered some of the things you should and shouldn’t do when dating a bisexual guy, we should also cover some of the things you shouldn’t say.
Relationships should be built on a strong foundation of respect. So, avoid asking your bisexual boyfriend these questions:
1. “Am I just a phase for you?”
Do you know how many people think that bisexuality isn’t actually a valid sexuality? The amount isn’t even worth counting!
Bisexuality is as much of a sexuality as homosexuality and heterosexuality, so no, they’re not just “going through a phrase.” Don’t ask them that. [Read: The most common bisexual stereotypes we need to get rid of ASAP]
2. “Did I make you straight/gay?”
As a gay or straight man can’t be so easily swayed, neither can a bisexual man. There’s no convincing a bisexual man to “pick a side,” so to speak, so don’t think of yourself as the one to make him straight/gay.
Not only is it incredibly disrespectful to your partner, but it’s quite vain. He chose to date you, not completely swear off all attraction to the other sex for the rest of his life.
3. “Are you okay with a monogamous relationship? Don’t you need to be with men and women?”
Sure, bisexual men are sexually attracted to men and women.
But, say for example, you’d describe your type as “tall, dark, and handsome” yet you start dating a blond guy. Does that mean that you’re more likely to cheat on your blond boyfriend with some brunet hunk because you missed the darker hair?
Yeah, we didn’t think so. The same applies to bisexual people. They’re just as okay with monogamy as anyone else.
4. “You say you’re bisexual, but you’ve only dated X people, so are you really bisexual?”
For some inexplicable reason, there tends to be a need to disprove bisexuals. We don’t understand it, but this is one common point people make to say that a bisexual person isn’t really bisexual.
Sexual orientation doesn’t have to depend on experience. You likely had at least an idea of what gender you were attracted to before you started dating, right?
So, even if a bisexual man has only been with men or women, he still knows that he’s bisexual. [Read: Dating a bisexual – things you should never say]
5. “You’re, like, 50/50 into men and women, right?”
Sexuality is a spectrum. So, it’s not as simple as saying that straight people are attracted to the opposite sex, gay people are attracted to the same sex, and bisexual people fall right in the middle.
Instead, everyone falls on a wide spectrum of sexuality. So, no, your bisexual boyfriend probably isn’t evenly attracted to men and women. He might be more female-leaning, or he might be slightly more attracted to men.
Sure, you can ask where your boyfriend falls on the spectrum, but don’t let it bother you too much. He chose to date you, and that’s what is most important.
6. “Have you had a ton of threesomes?”
It’s weird how some sexualities are sexualized more than others. For example, a lot of people who don’t know a lot about bisexuality assume that it’s all about having threesomes left, right, and center.
But bisexuality and threesomes don’t come hand-in-hand.
Final thoughts
See how it’s really not that different when you’re dating a bisexual guy? Your relationship can look almost identical to any relationship you’ve been in in the past because you don’t have to make exceptions or follow special rules to be involved with a bisexual man.
All you have to do is accept this small part of his wider identity and make him feel loved and accepted for who he is. But how is that any different from dating literally anyone else?
Hopefully, this feature has opened up your mind to the possibility of dating a bisexual guy. If you didn’t know anything about bisexual men before, it’s okay for you to have been nervous about doing or saying the wrong thing. But don’t hold back now, you know all about dating a bisexual guy, so go and ask him on a date!
[Read: Pansexual vs. bisexual – all the ways to tell the real difference]
If you weren’t sure what dating a bisexual guy would look like, then hopefully the above guide has put you more firmly in the picture – who knows, this might be the start of love!
