You want to know how to not get attached to a guy. We all want to have our cake and eat it too, but when it comes to emotions and feelings, it’s not always possible.
If you’ve been sleeping with a guy, and find yourself getting the warm, fuzzy feelings, well, that’s a red flag. The feelings aren’t a red flag, but the fact that you aren’t on the same page is a red flag. If it’s clear he isn’t interested in being in a relationship with you, and what you have is only fun, you’re walking a thin line.
I’ve fallen for my friends-with-benefits; I think most people end up having feelings for them. People always forget that sex is intimate and emotional. At some point, you will develop feelings. And maybe the sex is really good, so you want to preserve that and not get attached—I feel you. But listen, it’s not going to be easy.
[Read: The 14 casual dating rules that make or break every casual relationship]
How to not get attached to a guy
But it’s possible to learn how to not get attached to a guy. Follow these 15 tips, and it will guide you in the right direction. But unless you stick to the right decisions and stay strong, there’s no guarantee it will work. Why? Because we’re emotional human beings.
#1 Don’t lie to yourself. You know when you’re getting attached to someone, it’s not rocket science. You can feel yourself smiling when they text you, you think about them during the day. Well, you know the drill.
But if you do not want to get attached, be honest with yourself. If you hide your feelings from yourself, it will backfire. First and foremost, be honest with your own feelings. [Read: The signs you’re emotionally attached and falling hard for someone]
#2 Are you happy with the situation? Your partner doesn’t want anything more than just a good time, but are you genuinely able to continue this relationship at that level? Is this something you actually want, or are you settling because of what they want? Be really clear about this. You’re the first priority, so if you’re not happy and not getting what you want, this isn’t for you.
#3 Lower those expectations. You were hoping they’d admit their feelings for you, but that won’t happening any time soon. Your expectations are too high. Remember, they don’t want anything serious, and most likely, this isn’t about to change. If you’re wondering how to not get attached to a guy, don’t pretend you’re in a relationship. Go on dates, flirt, even kiss other people. Don’t put all your eggs in a basket. [Read: Why it is really healthy to try dating multiple people]
#4 Cut any “relationship” activities. This is one of the reasons why you’re getting attached. If you were only having sex, fine. But you see each other for dinner, go to the movies. You do couple-like activities. And you’re treading in murky waters. If they don’t have feelings for you, then you’re their substitute girlfriend/boyfriend until something better comes along. Screw that. Cut those relationship activities.
#5 Don’t get caught up in a fantasy. It’s so easy to daydream and fantasize about being in a relationship with the person you’re sleeping with. I mean, you’re already half-way there. But, this is dangerous. Once you fantasize about them, you’re toast. Your fantasy is probably inflated and unrealistic. And once reality hits, it’ll hurt. [Read: How to see the signs when your casual relationship is starting to get serious]
#6 Set boundaries. If you still want to sleep with them, set boundaries. They can’t hang out with you every day or sleep over. This should stop. If it’s just sex, that’s fine. But anything more than that is crossing the line. If you don’t want to get attached to a guy, then create healthy boundaries for the relationship.
#7 Spend time with friends. If you’re just sleeping with him, do not spend your free time with this guy unless it’s for sex. Other than that, you shouldn’t be seeing him at all. Instead, spend your time with other people like your friends and family. Don’t cut your friends just because you’re sleeping with someone. Plus, spending more time with your friends will help you to not get attached to the guy.
#8 Don’t think about the future. Honestly, the future isn’t that bright for casual relationships. Sure, some do transition into serious ones, but not many. To preserve your feelings, avoid thinking about the future or making any future plans. You don’t need a five-year plan with someone who only wants to sleep with you. [Read: The 16 biggest annoyances of a long-term friends with benefits relationship]
#9 They’re flawed too. To keep you from falling into fantasy, remind yourself of their flaws. It’s easy to forget they’re human too when you like them. So, don’t just focus on the good, focus on the flaws as well. This shouldn’t turn you off, but it will help you get a dose of reality.
#10 They don’t get to meet friends or family. If you don’t want to get attached to a guy, keep him as far away from your friends and family as possible. They just don’t get to meet your closest people. This is reserved for serious relationships. The moment he meets your friends and family, he’s in. And you don’t want that.
#11 Don’t become a doormat. With casual relationships, boundaries aren’t usually put in place. But this is why must create them. If you don’t want to get attached to him, don’t become a doormat. You don’t have a come-whenever-you-want policy. Nuh uh. Be firm with him and stick to the boundaries you set. [Read: How to set boundaries in a relationship – 15 must-follow rules to not get hurt]
#12 Don’t meet his friends. The more you know about him, the worse you’ll be. You don’t want to know too much about his personal life, and this includes the people he hangs out with. Once you know details, it means you’re getting to know one another, and that means you’ll get attached to the guy.
#13 When you get attached, stop the relationship. Here’s the thing, once you have feelings, they don’t stop. It’s almost impossible to just cut the feelings when you’re still seeing them. But, once you feel something, then you know it’s time to end the relationship. Because let’s face it, you will catch feelings. [Read: The signs you’re more than friends with benefits and getting attached]
#14 What do you want? What you really, really want. But really, ask yourself what you want. Why did you choose this person to be in a casual relationship with? Are your needs being met?
#15 It will end. Listen, if you have feelings, they won’t magically get up and leave one day. They’re here to stay unless you change the situation. And, by change, I mean end. The relationship will end eventually. Once the feelings develop, it’s only a matter of time.
[Read: How to lose feelings for someone and let go of the might have beens]
No one said having feelings is easy. They’re always causing problems, right? Well, now you know how to not get attached to a guy, you just have to make up your mind to stick to what you need to do.
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