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26 Secrets to Text a Guy, Keep Him Interested & Not Seem Desperate

Wondering how to text a guy without seeming desperate? Texting can be confusing, but learning how to keep him interested comes down to timing and attitude.

how to text a guy without seeming desperate

Unfortunately, it’s a common fact that most guys will run away at the slightest hint of desperation and neediness. Even if you have no intention of being needy, sending the wrong kind of text can make him think you are. For that reason, you need to learn how to text a guy without seeming desperate.

Let’s be honest, we all know girls who send text after text without a reply definitely seem a little on the desperate side. They might not even be desperate. They might think they’re simply being funny or catching their attention, but they’re definitely coming off as overbearing. [Read: Texting anxiety – How to send and receive texts without freaking out]

The stereotype of the clingy girlfriend has forever ruined enthusiastic women

We see this all over the place. It’s always the girlfriend in movies who appears really clingy and she basically doesn’t allow her boyfriend to do anything he likes. Guys grow up watching this in movies and think it actually applies to real life.

Sure, there are definitely girls out there like that but not nearly as many as men think. However, if they get a very small inclination that you’re clingy or desperate, they jump ship.

In reality, that “desperation” is probably just enthusiasm over meeting them but they won’t understand that. So you have to learn how to text a guy without seeming desperate if you actually want to be with them. The good news is, it’s not that hard. [Read: 13 clingy girlfriend signs and how to avoid it]

How to text a guy without seeming desperate so you can win him over

At its most basic level, learning how to text a guy is just about having a conversation with another human being. When you think of it that way, it’s not so hard or scary, is it? But, you like this guy so there’s obviously a little pressure to make a good impression.

Don’t worry, we have some tips that will help you learn how to text a guy without seeming desperate. Then, you can start a text conversation that will easily flow into something more! [Read: 37 ways to stop being clingy and holding on so tight you push them away]

1. Let him text you first

This is by far the best way to get a guy to think of you as definitely NOT desperate. When he reaches out first, anything else you do won’t seem nearly as bad.

In fact, to stop yourself from texting him, give him your number and tell him to text you. That way, you don’t have his and you can’t do anything about it. Waiting for that text might seem a little difficult but he’ll send it.

Just be patient. [Read: 10 steps to determine if you should text him first]

2. Never send more than one unanswered text

Unless you made a huge typo, don’t send a bunch of texts, it basically screams “NEEDY!” The second a guy looks at his phone to see more than one text from the same girl, his warning lights flash.

He’ll look at this as both desperation and clinginess. Both of those are definitely things that scare men away even if you just had something urgent to tell him and it required a couple of texts.

3. Start off strong

Think of yourself as an author writing a book — you need to grab his attention right in the beginning, or he’ll lose interest and move on. Just texting him, “Hey, what’s up?” isn’t going to do it. Sure, you might get a reply, but you don’t want any old reply; you want a conversation. [Read: 36 racy, random funny questions for flirty guys and girls]

4. Be original and engaging

Of course, it’s easy for us to say, “Don’t be boring.” But, when you text the guy you like, there’s a chance that you may freeze up and act nervous, making your conversations slightly stiff and flat. You can usually come up with more original texts when you’re in a relaxed state.

 If you come across as fun and lively in your text, this will inspire him to respond in the same way. Be open, respond to his questions in detail, and enthusiastically.

If he writes something funny, or teases you in any way, don’t just respond with a smiley face, think how you can tease him back or respond in kind. [Read: How to be funny – 28 must-know tips to make everyone love your humor]

5. Keep him hooked

This is crucial. You need him to stay engaged in the conversation. This is the time when you should be yourself. Don’t just reply to his messages with a “haha” or “yeah.” Make a comment or ask him a question to further the conversation.

Send him pictures *not nudes* of where you are or what you’re doing. This will also relax him and get him to open up more. [Read: 10 ways to build sexual tension the flirty way]

6. Don’t be afraid to let your silly side show

Guys are attracted to girls with a good sense of humor, so don’t be afraid to be silly and playful. Making fun of yourself is also a good way to show that you are not stuck up and that you don’t take yourself too seriously.

If you are more open and playful with him, then he will be more likely to open up to you. Then you’ll start a fun, interesting conversation which you’ll both look forward to continuing when you meet face to face!  [Read: 40 cute texts to make him smile and miss you more]

7. Show you have depth

While it’s really important to be interested in him, don’t forget to be interesting too! You need to show him that you have friends and hobbies and interests – that you lead a full and interesting life.

If all you do is ask questions about him and avoid ones about yourself, he’ll soon start to wonder if there is much to you. Let him know what you’re up to, when you are hanging out with friends or doing something cool, or working on a skill or hobby that you have.

You can also use this to see what common interests you might have – if you discover that you both like the same things, this could be the perfect way to arrange a date to meet up and do it together! [Read: How to tell if a guy likes you through texts – 15 no-fail signs

8. Avoid ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers

We’re too old to be sending these one-worded texts. No. Yes. Yawn. Get with the times, girls. This will not make the guy try harder and want you more.

You’re not mysterious—you’re boring and pushing him away. If you answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to his texts, he’s going to go elsewhere. Sure, you may be hot, but if he can’t talk to you, he’s going to find another woman who can.

In this case, you’re not even looking desperate, you’re looking super-boring and that’s just as bad! [Read: How to keep a conversation going with the opposite sex]

9. Let the conversation take its course

It’s easy to freak out when the conversation dies. Will he text back? Should you text him something? Don’t be the one to always start the conversation. If you are, he’ll let you do all the work. You don’t want that. You want him to chase you.

So, if the conversation is going strong, then continue with it. If the conversation naturally dies out, then that’s also okay. You don’t have to be talking for hours and hours a day via text.

If you’re worried or unsure if he’s interested, wait a couple days and see if he starts a conversation with you. That’s when you know he’s interested. [Read: 15 types of humor and how it affects relationships]

10. Never drunk text

Rule number one of how to text a guy without seeming desperate – no drunk texts! Just put the phone down. You’re not going to look cute. You’re going to come off as a mess.

Let him get some sleep without your constant stream of nonsensical texts vibrating his phone. He’ll appreciate your ability to contain yourself and will likely respect you all the more for it.

11. Don’t be too revealing

If you’re just starting to talk to him, perhaps pouring out your failed relationship history or the fact you can never seem to get a boyfriend isn’t the best start. Keep your personal information to yourself for a while. You don’t need to tell him everything so soon. [Read: How to make a guy like you by making him want you]

12. Talk about something he’s interested in

The best way to steer the attention away from you appearing desperate is to get him excited. Make him want to text you back right away and he won’t pay any attention to how fast you text back.

Bring up a band he loves, a certain hobby you know he likes, or just something you know will get his attention. Once he’s the enthusiastic one, the pressure is off you. [Read: 30 effortless ways to keep a guy interested]

13. Tell him you had fun together

Tell him he was really fun when you two met or got together. Guys love hearing how great and funny they are. Starting with a compliment like this will play to his ego and he won’t think you’re desperate at all.

In fact, he’ll probably just ask you to elaborate on it a little bit. Once you have his attention, tread lightly. Don’t give him too many compliments or he might start to smell desperation anyway.

14. Keep the conversation light

Don’t talk about anything serious, especially relationships. That will make him jump ship before you even establish one. Maintain a casual conversation while also touching on things that allow him to get to know you.

If you let him take control of the conversation, he won’t think you’re super desperate to talk. [Read: How to start a conversation with a girl over text]

15. If he’s busy, don’t push the conversation

When he’s busy or seems distracted, leave him alone. Guys get annoyed relatively quickly when they’ve got a lot going on and some girl just tries to text him all day.

If you ask what he’s doing and he says he’s working or playing a sport, tell him to have fun and you’ll talk later. This shows him that you can give him the space he needs but that you’d also love to continue the conversation.

16. If he’s out with friends, don’t text him

If you really want to know how to text a guy without seeming desperate, then avoid it when he’s out with friends. Unless he’s texting you, he wants his freedom.

He wants to have fun with the guys. If he senses you intruding on that, he’ll start thinking you’re desperate and that’ll make you look clingy and perhaps controlling. [Read: 10 obvious hints guys give when they want space]

17. Don’t text him late at night

Yes, this might get his attention, but it’ll be the very wrong kind of attention. He’ll basically smell the desperation on you the second he sees your name pop up on his phone after 10pm.

You’re basically announcing that you want him so bad you’re willing to fall into booty call territory. Not good.

18. Don’t be overly sexual

Again, this is something that’ll probably get him to give you his attention, but it won’t be good. It shows him you’re so desperate for attention that you’ll disrespect yourself. Not only is this really unattractive, but it won’t make him want you for a serious relationship. [Read: Booty call – What it is, steps to get a friend interested and hook up for fun]

19. Don’t reply ASAP

Since guys are so sensitive to clingy girls and you want to know how to text a guy without seeming desperate, you’ll have to stop replying right away. That just shows him you’re sitting around waiting for his text.

You probably are, but you don’t want him to know that! [Read: How to play hard to get the right way]

20. Start with a flirty message

Flirting is a great way to show a guy you’re interested and doing it the right way will ensure you don’t seem desperate. Sending anything with a winking face will make him want to text you. It’s also way less clingy than sending him a paragraph long message about how much you like him.

21. Ask him a question he’ll need to answer

If you just text him to talk to him, it might look a little desperate. In order to make your text seem purposeful, just ask him a question.

It can be about anything but make sure it’s compelling enough that it’ll distract him from the fact that you texted first. [Read: 30 questions to ask a guy you like]

22. Don’t be too complimentary

While it’s nice to be flirtatious, don’t go overboard. If you gush about everything he says and does like it’s the best thing you have ever heard he’s going to start finding it a bit much.

Drop in a compliment or two and be keen to find out more about him, but don’t be afraid to gently mock him or use sarcasm too. [Read: Want to be irresistible to men? 14 secrets to hook any guy

23. Avoid too many emoticons

If you want to know how to text a guy right, don’t go overboard on the smiling and winking faces. Lots of people, particularly men, find emoticons slightly off-putting. It also can demonstrate a lack of ability to say anything for yourself.

So, keep them to a minimum or just don’t use them at all.

24. Don’t send nude pics

Look, there is nothing wrong with sending sexy pictures to a guy – but don’t make this the first thing you do before you have even gotten to know him. You never know how he is going to respond to something like that, so leave it out of your text routine for now! [Read: How to keep your naked photo safe]

25. Choose your sign off wisely

Knowing when to end a text conversation with a guy you like is crucial. You need to finish strong so that he feels like he wants more. You don’t want to cut the conversation short or make it seem like you aren’t interested. But at the same time, you want to leave it so he feels as though he could have said more, but shouldn’t, because he doesn’t want to bug you!

It’s also important to look for indicators that he is done with the conversation for now, and not push him into writing anymore. If his replies start becoming short, he gives one-word answers to your questions, or keeps repeating how busy he is, it might be time to leave him be. [Read: Why did he suddenly stop texting? You probably made one of these 13 mistakes]

26. Don’t make it a big deal if he doesn’t text back

Some guys just won’t be interested. It’s just a fact of life. If you keep sending text after text in hopes that he’ll respond, you’re kidding yourself and making yourself look like a fool.

Accept that he just isn’t into it. It may have had nothing to do with the way you texted him, either. Remember that you deserve a guy who’ll text you back the second he gets the message.

Remember your crush is just a person!

It’s very easy to get all worked up when texting someone you like. It’s stressful and makes you panic when your phone doesn’t light up immediately after pressing ‘send!’ But remember this – he’s a guy and that makes him a human being just like you. He shouldn’t be put on a pedestal.

See him as a person and you’ll feel more relaxed when texting him. Then, you won’t come across as desperate or needy, you’ll just show your wonderful personality.

[Read: How to text a guy – 18 secrets to go from timid to temptress]

Knowing how to text a guy without seeming desperate is something more women need to figure out. Even if you’re not desperate or the clingy type at all, guys read enthusiastic behavior as such and it won’t help your efforts.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...