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How to Text a Guy Without Seeming Desperate and Overly Needy

Knowing how to text a guy without seeming desperate might take a little practice. This is how to avoid appearing needy and win him over.

how to text a guy without seeming desperate

Guys will run away at even the slightest hint of desperation and neediness. They don’t want to be with a girl who’s going to suck away their freedom. Even if you’d never do that, appearing clingy and needy will make him think that. Which is why you need to learn how to text a guy without seeming desperate.

Because we all know girls who send text after text without a reply definitely seem that way. They might not even be desperate. They might think they’re simply being funny or catching their attention. But they’re definitely coming off as overbearing.

The stereotype of the clingy girlfriend has forever ruined enthusiastic women

We see this all over the place. It’s always the girlfriend in movies who appears really clingy and she basically doesn’t allow her boyfriend to do anything he likes. Guys grow up watching this in movies and thinks it actually applies to real life.

Sure, there are definitely girls out there like that but not nearly as many as men think. However, they get a very small inclination that you’re clingy or desperate and they jump ship.

In reality, that “desperation” is probably just enthusiasm over meeting them but they won’t understand that. So you have to learn how to get a guy without seeming desperate if you actually want to be with them. [Read: 13 clingy girlfriend signs and how to avoid it]

How to text a guy without seeming desperate so you can win him over

You may have heard some of this advice before and you may have never heard any of it at all. No matter the reason, you should take not because this is how to text a guy without seeming desperate.

#1 Let him text you first. This is by far the best way to get a guy to think of you as definitely NOT desperate. When he reaches out first, anything else you do won’t seem nearly as bad.

In fact, to stop yourself from texting him, give him your number and tell him to text you. That way, you don’t have his and you can’t. Waiting for that text might seem a little difficult but he’ll send it. Just be patient. [Read: 10 steps to determine if you should text him first]

#2 Never send more than one unanswered text. Unless you made a huge typo, don’t send a bunch of texts, it basically screams “NEEDY!” The second a guy looks at his phone to see more than one text from the same girl, his warning lights go on.

He’ll look at this as both desperation and clinginess. Both of those are definitely things that scare men away even if you just had something urgent to tell him and it required a couple texts.

#3 Talk about something he’s interested in. The best way to steer the attention away from you appearing desperate is if you get him excited. Make him want to text you back right away and he won’t pay any attention to how fast you text back.

Bring up a band he loves, a certain hobby you know he likes, or even something you know will get his attention – like anything with females. Once he’s the enthusiastic one, the pressure is off you. [Read: 30 effortless ways to keep a guy interested]

#4 Tell him you had fun together. Tell him he was really fun when you two met or got together. Guys love hearing how much fun they are and how funny they are. Starting with a compliment like this will play to his ego and he won’t think you’re desperate at all.

In fact, he’ll probably just ask you to elaborate on it a little bit. Once you have his attention, tread lightly. Don’t give him too many compliments or he might start to smell desperation on you anyways.

#5 Keep the conversation light. Don’t talk about anything serious, especially relationships. That will make him jump ship before you even establish one. Maintain casual conversation while also touching on things that allow him to get to know you. If you let him take control of the conversation, he won’t think you’re super desperate to talk. [Read: How to start a conversation with a girl over text]

#6 If he’s busy, don’t try to have the conversation. When he’s busy or sounds buys, leave him alone. Guys get annoyed relatively quickly when they’ve got a lot going on and some girl just tries to text him all day.

If you ask what he’s doing and he says he’s working or playing a sport, tell him to have fun and you’ll talk later. This shows him that you give him the space he needs but that you’d also love to continue the conversation.

#7 If he’s out with friends, don’t text him. If you really want to know how to text a guy without seeming desperate, then avoid doing it all together when he’s out with friends. Unless he’s texting you, he wants his freedom. He wants to have fun with the guys. If he senses you intruding on that, he’ll start thinking you’re desperate and that’ll also make you look clingy and even controlling. [Read: 10 obvious hints guys give when they want space]

#8 Avoid texting him late at night. Yes, this might get his attention, but it’ll be the very wrong kind of attention. He’ll basically smell the desperation on you the second he sees your name pop up on his phone after 10pm. You’re basically announcing that you want him so bad you’re willing to fall into booty call territory. Not good.

#9 Don’t be overly sexual. Again, this is something that’ll probably get him to give you his attention, but it won’t be good. It shows him that you’re so desperate for attention that you’ll disrespect yourself. Not only is this really unattractive, but it won’t make him want you for a serious relationship.

#10 Don’t reply ASAP. Since guys are so sensitive to clingy girls and you want to know how to text a guy without seeming desperate, you’ll have to stop replying right away. That just shows him you’re sitting around waiting for his text. Even if you are or even if you’re just near your phone often, this will look bad. [Read: How to play hard to get the right way]

#11 Start with a flirty message. Flirting is a great way to show a guy you’re interested and doing it the right way will ensure you don’t seem desperate. Sending anything with a wink face will make him want to text you but it’s way less clingy than sending him a paragraph long message about how much you like him.

#12 Ask him a question he’ll need to answer. If you just text him to talk to him, it might look a little desperate. In order to make your text seem purposeful, just ask him a question. It can really be about anything but make sure it’s compelling enough that it’ll distract him from the fact that you texted first. [Read: 30 questions to ask a guy you like]

#13 Don’t make it a big deal if he doesn’t text back. Some guys just won’t be interested. It’s just a fact of life. If you keep sending text after text in hopes that he’ll respond, you’re kidding yourself and making yourself look like a fool.

Accept that he just isn’t into it. It may have had nothing to do with the way you texted him, either. Don’t be desperate and don’t act like it because you deserve a guy who’ll text you back the second he gets the message.

[Read: How to text a guy – 18 secrets to go from timid to temptress]

Knowing how to text a guy without seeming desperate is something more women need to figure out. Even if you’re not desperate or the clingy type at all, guys read enthusiastic behavior as such and it won’t do anything good for you.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...